Crispy Gamer

Review: Fable III

As Fable 2 skipped an appearance on PC, the last time I was thrust into the world of Albion was many years ago. I remember it as quant little "My first RPG", a sort of primer for kids that introduced them to basic concepts of leveling up, action-RPG combat, and the hero archetype including quests and a morality scale. It was shallow as all hell, but so unassuming that you had to appreciate the cuteness of it, even as you looked forward to much better RPGs on the horizon. Had the franchise matured and deepened into an adult experience, or perhaps refined the cuteness factor while strengthening the core gameplay? Actually, none of the above. In my time away from Albion, it had apparently lost its goddamn mind and turned into a schizophrenic mental patient.

There is one question, call it a theme of mindset, I had while playing: Just who is this game aimed at? It's an extremely important question, maybe the most important, when judging any game because it informs what the expectations should be. You don't expect deep, immersive gameplay from a Call of Duty game because that's not what it's going for and thus, you aren't disappointed when it doesn't give you that experience. What's baffling about Fable 3 is that even after dozens of hours playing, I still have no idea who this game was made for.


The best place to start a search for an answer to that question is the gameplay. Fable features a combat system that a child could master in about ten minutes. Simply press the attack button in quick succession for fast strikes, hold it down for hard strikes and dodge away from attacks. The game doesn't trouble with you mana for spells or bullets for guns; everything is infinite. There isn't even a health readout, you are simply given the option to drink a potion when you've been hit a few times. While we are on the subject, there is no inventory screen either. Literally every trapping of an RPG is stripped away and replaced with a cumbersome "Sanctuary" which amounts to a menu screen in which you have to walk around in order to get anything done. Have we gotten to the point where we can't even expect gamers to know how to read menu options?

Fortunately, I was able limit my time in the Sanctuary because weapon and armor choices are all but meaningless. There actually isn't any armor in the game, just "outfits". These are sets of clothes that you can find and buy and they do exactly nothing except decorate your character. Once you have your hero looking just the way you want, you can kiss that room of the Sanctuary goodbye for the rest of the game. Weapon choices are slightly more meaningful, as different swords and guns have differing stats and various spells have slightly different ways of killing enemies. But these choices don't matter either; I used an early-game gun for my entire playthrough and was never truly challenged. If one wanted a poster-child for the "dumbed-down" label, this would be a shining example. It's a sad day when the game you are playing makes the God of War series seem like a deep experience.

Everything in Fable 3 points to it being more of a child's toy than an RPG or action game. The player's narrative choices amount to little more than "will I whistle at this random townsperson or belch in his face?" Any actual dialogue is reserved for giving the player dry exposition on what to do next, devoid of any texture or character development. But that's okay because given the maturity level of what we are presented with, I wouldn't want much more dialogue. One of the first missions you undertake is to infiltrate a bandit hideout. How does one do that? You guessed it: act like an obnoxious nine year old, farting in peoples' faces so as to maintain your "cover" as a vicious murderer.


There are times, miraculous and fleeting, when the dialogue approaches something resembling Monty Python-esque British humor. And for the briefest of moments, the game made me smile. The problem is that it's such a drastic juxtaposition from the rest of the experience, that all it serves to highlight is just how bad the other 95% of the game is. It also shines a light on the fact that the developers and writers know funny and that they chose, for whatever reason, to only dole it out in tiny fragments. But that glimpse into a development process that was able but not willing doesn't just happen with the writing. It also happens here and there in the gameplay.

There is a mission whereby you are transported to a faux-D&D universe, complete with cardboard cutouts of standard RPG archetypes like the blacksmith and the quest giving barmaid. But the entire point of the mission seemed to be the mockery of everything that role playing gamers hold dear and enjoy. Concepts like immersing the player in the game world through meaningful character interaction (as opposed to playing patty-cake), incorporation of some form of crafting system, considerations such as game balance and leveling up, and on and on. They knew what gamers wanted out of Fable, what they've always wanted, and they not only choose to go in their own nonsensical direction, but they laugh at the very ideas that make those better games fun. It was at this point that I realized that Fable 3 isn't flawed through incompetence or laziness. It's flawed intentionally as a practical joke on its players. Games like Deathspank show that you can create a parody of a game genre and still provide a quality playing experience. Fable 3 has all of the snide and sardonicism with none of the fun. When you create a parody without understanding why people love the subject matter in the first place, you are no longer the witty jokester. You are just a shrill asshole.


Morality in this game is a topic of which I could write a whole separate review. Put simply, the "good" side of the scale is some of the most amazing hyper-liberal grandstanding I've ever seen. At one point I was actually called a cutthroat monster (by the game itself, not an NPC) because I didn't give civil rights to chickens. And that was just the tip of iceberg. Literally every decision was a choice between assuming the roles of a rabid Michael Moore and a cartoonishly childish Dick Cheney. It became so offensive to anything resembling reason or reality that I exited the game numerous times in disgust and it was a struggle to boot it back up again. I eventually numbed myself to the story and choices. I started choosing whatever options sounded the most insane. I gave up on immersing myself in a character with any coherence of personality because, for all intents and purposes, he resided in a Wonderland run by the Mad Hatter.

Finally, whoever was tasked with porting this game over to PC was obviously not a PC gamer and was probably surprised to hear that gaming even existed outside of consoles. It's as if this hypothetical developer had to make random guesses as to how someone would operate a game with such strange devices as a keyboard and mouse. Fable 3 is riddled with seemingly arbitrary design choices such as having to hold down interaction keys rather than just pressing them, using the bracket keys for lots of functions that would be better served with a radial menu or letter keys, a third person camera that doesn't really want to let the mouse control it, no matter how much you fight with it. And holy hell is thing coded poorly. It has the graphics of a 2005 World of Warcraft with the hardware requirements of Crysis 7. And even on monster rigs, sometimes the coding just doesn't want you to play, with random freezes and memory leaks. Every aspect of the porting process screams, "We already made our money on consoles, if the dregs of society want to buy it on PC, fine. But don't spend too much time or money on it, okay?" The irony here is that the game is published by Microsoft, the standard bearer of all things PC!


So when all is said and done, who is this game made for? The morality would indicate that the only good people in the world are Left-of-San-Francisco in temperament. The humor seems aimed at children ages four to ten, with parents that don't mind them gunning for achievements like "most people in group sex encounter". The gameplay seems to lean toward the button mashing crowd with the occasional button holding, for those gaming pros among us. And finally, the customization fits perfectly with little girls who love the Sims - choices which are entirely aesthetic with little to no stats involved. All in all, this is not an RPG, barely a feasible action game and can function in a pinch as a fantasy doll dress-up and interior design simulator. It doesn't have any clue what it wants to be and thus, I'm not even sure what standard of judgment to apply. Thus I fall back on the old tried and true, "Is it fun?"

No. Fry it.


I remember that was a real crowd on the walkway, awesome you guys made it.

Les Lancel qualités bourses de pièces de poche réel en utilisant ce type d'enquête qui signifie que votre téléphone cellulaire est bien utilisable quelle que soit unique, vous avez besoin du support. Quelques autres caractéristiques comprennent: Y at-il une poche sacs lancel égard frais vous le pouviez? Un certain nombre d'obtenir une option de vente en vue arrière, ils peuvent avoir pour l'achat d'un sac Lancel conventionnel est généralement à devoir payer les bucks avant tout. Peu de gens a tout simplement effrayant plus gaspiller de l'argent sur un sac. Détermination de ces types de sacs en matière de prix moins chers est une excellente propriété ou à la maison pour que consommateur à obtenir. Thèque vente privée sac sont disponibles dans divers sites internet remisé associés aux fragments relatifs aux prix de vente de la mémoire. Cela peut vraiment donner naissance quantités importantes de rires à de nombreux hommes et femmes. Proposant doit attendre flux de trésorerie pour acquérir Lancel sac. Vous pouvez oublier la conduite d'un véhicule pour être en mesure de murs des magasins de prise s'attendent à obtenir une tonne en faisant usage d'un Lancel de poche. sac lancel french flair poche ont tendance à être Chinchy vous pouvez peut-être avoir pensé. La meilleure option destiné aux personnes qui souhaitent Lancel de poche privés sont généralement à la recherche de boutiques en ligne de prix bas. L'amérique du nord du savoir-faire caractéristiques révélé le meilleur fabricant tout au long de la création des lancel adjani pas cher sur le dessus de cela des composants également seul claires qui sont spécialement conçus pour les femmes brillantes en ce qui concerne la planète-large banque de signature raisonnable ce spécifique démontre la Formateur Corporation. Avec toute la hausse actuelle des postulats sur les bagages de formateur en vrac, il ya de nombreux commerçants qui seront éventuellement en choisissant les vérités Lancel proposition menant de la moitié du trait associé avec des sacs de tuteur. Il est donc très important que vous avant de faire votre argent, il est conseillé d'accepter lorsque vous obtenez votre lancel pas cher de poche authentique ou tout simplement pas vraiment. Solutions authentique est très sauvage sur le marché du fait que les clients à atteindre très vaste pour pouvoir obtenir une excellente ainsi que s'ils ont besoin de faire appel au particulier décide.

Wonderful post. I am searching awesome news and idea. What I have found from your site, it is actually highly content.vitrier pre saint gervais

I would be pleased if all WebPages provided such articles.

The post is written in very a good manner and it contains many useful information for me.

I really enjoy simply reading all of your weblogs for daily health news. Simply wanted to inform you that you have people like me who appreciate your work for jual rumah tangerang. Definitely a great post. Hats off to you! The information that you have provided is very helpful on toko mainan online</a>.

Great, This specific net webpage is seriously thrilling and enjoyment to learn. I’m an enormous fan from the subjects mentioned
Information Product System
ElegantBiz WordPress Theme
Covert Store Builder
MobiLead Method

This is quite Excellent article. It affects a lot of urgent challenges of our minds outdoor furniture. We can not be indifferent to these issues Download Free PC Game. This post gives good ideas and concepts. Not everyday I have the possibility to read something like this free tv channels. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article <a  . Yeah and it is very informative article, and it very useful , we must say thanks for your work

I am really glad to find this site. I did enjoy reading articles and information posted in here. I will surely share it to others.

You completely match our expectation and the variety of our information. Boca Raton FINANCIAL ADVISOR

I can see that you are an expert at your field! I am launching a website soon, and your information will be very useful for me.. Thanks for all your help and wishing you all the success in your business.
Tips by Statix Industries

funny articl.i love it very much.thanks saw this page bookmarked and very much liked what I read. I will surely bookmark it as well and also go through your other posts tonight.Thanks for you sharing boys dress up Games Cake Games Wedding Dress Up Games girls makeover games room decoration games barbie cooking games

This was really an interesting topic and I kinda agree with what you have mentioned here!
Look for Line Amarilla Here

Sporo osobników frapuje się, co stanowi elementem płynu / kartridży, który wykorzystują nieelektronowe pety (e-papierosy). Kardynalną substancją istnieje glikol propylenowy. Stanowi to organiczny związek chemiczny katalog stron z zgrupowania alkoholi. bezzapachowa, oleista płyn, o słodkawym posmaku. Kompozyt nie jest trujący, a dzięki własnym aspektom jest raz za razem wykorzystywany w farmacji. Spotkamy go w jadłu, eliksirach na kaszel, natomiast nawet paście do zębisk bądź niejednokrotnie płynie aż do przemywania ust. Na produktach spożywczych istnieje oznaczany jak E1150. Glikol propylenowy nie widnieje w spisie substratów niepewnych obecnie ważnym w Polsce. Pozostałe składniki owo akcesoria smakowe, czasami gliceryna również rozumie się samo przez się nikotyna,która nie zalega w każdej wersji kartridża – można nabywać katalog stron wkłady jej porwane. Najczęściej rzadki płyn zawiera od czasu 6 aż do 36 mg nikotyny na ml. Nieelektronowe papierosy (e-papierosy) możemy nabywać zarówno spośród rozmaitymi zdaniami.

Im inspired with the exceptional and instructive contents that you provide in such short timing.
Miami Seo

I would be appreciating all of your articles and blogs because they are fitting up mark. florida Accountant

There are some madeira plastica interesting points in time in this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There is some validity but I will take concessionaria kia hold opinion until I look into it further. Good article , ssangyong kyron thanks and we want more! Added to FeedBurner as well
you blindagem de carros have a great blog here! would you like to make some invite posts on my blog?

The player then leads a coup d'état and becomes the King/Queen, at which point the player is given the choice to keep the promises made to those who aided in the revolution at great expense to the treasury, or betray those promises in order to raise money for the defense of Albion through industrialization and using natural resources.-Missed Fortune

If the player chooses to be a "great" ruler, the treasury will be vastly drained and the only way the player can offset this is by transferring several million gold from their personal funds to the treasury. With 6,500,000 gold in the treasury at the time of the Crawler attack, the player will be able to fully fund an army that can successfully defend the entire kingdom. -Steven C. Wyer

<!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> Normal 0 7.8 磅 0 2 false false false EN-US ZH-CN X-NONE <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 9]> <![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>

<![endif]-->Your post is an excellent example,I keep on reading this attractive blog.

Ben Roethlisberger Jersey

Troy Polamalu Jersey

James Harrison Jersey

Rashard Mendenhall Jersey

Mike Wallace Jersey

Brett Keisel Jersey

Antonio Brown Jersey

Ryan Clark Jersey

Isaac Redman Jersey

Charlie Batch Jersey

Heath Miller Jersey

LaMarr Woodley Jersey

Ike Taylor Jersey

Shaun Suisham Jersey

Maurkice Pouncey Jersey

Byron Leftwich Jersey

Cameron Heyward Jersey

Casey Hampton Jersey

Chris Carter Jersey

Chris Kemoeatu Jersey

Daniel Sepulveda Jersey

David DeCastro Jersey

Dennis Dixon Jersey

Doug Legursky Jersey

Emmanuel Sanders Jersey

Jerricho Cotchery Jersey

Larry Foote Jersey

Lawrence Timmons Jersey

Leonard Pope Jersey

Max Starks Jersey

Mewelde Moore Jersey

Mike Adams Jersey

Ryan Mundy Jersey

Sean Spence Jersey

Troy Smith Jersey

William Gay Jersey

Ziggy Hood Jersey

Steelers Jersey

  1. Large range of camping gear and camping equipment, outdoor camping and survival equipment to make life a bit easier next time you venture into the great outdoors.

That is what "depth" means to you?

Oh, my, I had no idea Fable III has already appeared! I remember playing Fable:The Lost Chapters a long, long time ago. I have to disagree with you, though, it wasn't "shallow as hell" at all, you could flirt with girls, get married, even get married to a guy, you could get drunk, etc. etc.

Thanks for all the tips!!! Very useful.

Didn't Black and White start the whole "Peter Molyneux as joke" phenomenon? I'm pretty sure the last game I loved from him was the original Theme Park.

I just want another damned Black and White game.

Comment viewing options

Select your preferred way to display the comments and click "Save settings" to activate your changes.