Crispy Gamer

The Adventures of Hobo Ron


I have a sort of mildly like/indifference relationship with The Sims. Whenever I boot it up after a period of months (or years), I am always eager to create my new character and assigning traits in The Sims 3 is almost as fun as assigning weapon skill points in an RPG. Once inside the game proper, however, my interest quickly fades as it occurs to me, yet again, that playing The Sims is like working a job. Grinding for skills, juggling relationships, work-sleep-work-sleep schedules...I just usually just turn it off and uninstall 30 minutes in.

     This time (why do I never learn my lesson?), I noticed the mooch trait and instead of regarding it as just another funny social interaction, I wondered if mooching could be a way of life. I decided that, in the interests of playing for more than an hour this time, I would try to make the ultimate hobo.

     First I needed a good look. I wanted my guy (named Ron Wilson, as it turned out) to look semi normal but with a definite "I can't get my act together" presence. I gave him the traits of Slob, Moocher, Unlucky (just so he couldn't completely blame his laziness for his predicament), Kleptomaniac, and just because he's such a failure, Easily Impressed.

     After plunking him down in Rivertown, I tried to establish some ground rules for him. At first I wanted to see if I could play him completely homeless. The game requires your characters to own a lot, but I refused to build him anything. Instead he used public toilets, mooched food off of random passersby, and rode his rusty bike around town just trying to survive. Surprisingly, this was a full time job.
      Unfortunately, you can only "nap" on park benches, not "sleep", so while I could have eeked by with that approach, I would be spending most of my time staring at a bench. Not very fun.
     I grudgingly decided to build him a house. But in his case, I would call it more of a shack. It contained a bed, a really old TV, a wood-burning furnace,  a rusty toilet that gives me shivers to think about actually using, and various other nick-nacks I imagined that he picked up/stole.
      I still had no fridge or stove or any of that. Mooching food was a good way of getting quick energy, but I needed a way of feeding myself when everyone was asleep. I decided that, at the very least, the man could throw some seeds in the ground on his little patch of dirt. The first step was stealing some plants from the local park.
     After planting them, my guy would randomly decide to water them. I'm loving the 2 a.m. tighty-whitey garden tending.
     It was around this time that Ron's Unlucky trait kicked in. He had left the fireplace lit and when he got home after some more park mooching, he found his shack ablaze. Oddly though, nothing was damaged, even though the fire got really out of hand. Turns out, when you have nothing to lose, traumatic experiences aren't that big of a deal. 
     I started Ron down the path of playing guitar, in the hopes that he could eventually play for tip money, as a proper panhandler should. Unfortunately, the grind of getting his musical skill up slowly began to wear away at my patience and I decided to close out of the game. For those with more patience than me, I encourage you to try this lifestyle out for yourself. It adds a bit more "game" to The Sims experience