Crispy Gamer

Welcome to GameStop, How Can I OHMYGOD BEES




"Hive" got a story for you! [Pause for laughter.] The "buzz" is that Manhattan's 14th Street GameStop recently had to face a "stinging" reality. The store had a terrible "bee" "infestation"! Hold on, those last two things shouldn't have been in quotes. The place really was infested with angry, angry bees. Apparently, after a GameStop cashier told them their copy of Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon was only a $4 trade-in value, a swarm of bees revolted by buzzing, flying around, and just generally being a swarm of bees.

I learned this by watching the greatest piece of television news reporting in the history of the world. I took an HTML class at the local community college so that I could link to the video for you. Here goes!

I will now attempt to list a small subset of things that I love about the video.

1. In the most exciting city in the world, on a major network affiliate's 6:00 newscast, bees at GameStop is the top story.

2. "New York City became an urban jungle."

3. The pre-taped segment kicks off with a pun worse than anything I committed at the beginning of this post.

4. The little "LOOK!" face on the GameStop employees' makeshift sign.

5. "Herman Leath: BEE WATCHER."

6. ABC 7 somehow shoehorns in a few complaints about city bureaucracy. This stuff is like heroin to the elderly, rent-controlled shut-ins who comprise most of the local news' audience.

7. Some dude just decided he would lure a thousand bees into a bag that was sitting around.

8. The NYPD has a bee specialist.

9. The NYPD bee specialist feeds ABC 7's Stacey Sager the old "I'm not killing them, I'm just sending them to the country where they can frolic" lie, and she totally buys it.

But this post is a tale of two GameStops. After all, the chain has a near-ubiquitous presence in our fine burg, so we encounter them pretty often. The closest outlet to Crispy HQ is the not the 14th Street hive of villainy but the 34th Street GameStop, which managing editor Elise and I visited last week. We wanted to get a gift for copy editor Ryan Kuo on the occasion of his 75th birthday.

This particular GameStop has two floors. Because a normal GameStop is not dank and claustrophobic enough, this one puts all the Xbox stuff in the basement. When we headed down there, we were approached by a fellow named Mike with a friendly Southern twang. "Can I help you with anything? I know the games pretty well," he said.

Elise seemed open to the assistance, but I chuckled at this upstart and answered, "Well, Mike, I AM A GAMES WRITER, so I like to think I know a little something about games myself!" I then proceeded to wander around the store like a moron, except stupider, dazzled by a glittering sea of box covers and promo posters. I no longer remembered which games I had played, or if they were any good. I barely could recall what a game was. As I wiped some stupefied drool from my cheek, Mike returned, ever persistent. He really thought he could help out, he said, so I caved.

I told him a little about Ryan, and he made some excellent recommendations. Unfortunately, every time he made a brilliant suggestion, his co-workers would inform him that they didn't have a boxed copy in stock. The box was important because Ryan doesn't actually play games, he just displays them in a custom curio cabinet made from the bones of former enemies.

We ended up going with Fallout 3. Ryan seems to like it so far, but at the time we were a little disappointed in the obviousness of our selection. Mike was disappointed, too, but we will be back soon to give him another chance to shine. He's a diamond in the GameStop rough. GameStop, give Mike a raise. And Crispy, give Ryan a raise. No, wait, give me a raise first. Raises for everyone!