Crispy Gamer

10 Totally Fake Real-Sounding GDC Panels

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10. Avoiding Pre-Alpha Blues: How Adding A Monkey Or a Dog Playing A Banjo To Your Game Can Emotionally Reinvigorate Your Dev Team.

9. Nintendo Wants To Know What The Hell Is Wrong With The Rest Of You Goddamn Lazy People: A Wordless Series Of Very Colorful Slides Proving Once Again That The Wii And The DS Are Very, Very Successful (May Include Pictures Of Old People)

8. Wait So What You're Telling Me Is That You Want To Make The Burger King An Unlockable Character In My F***ing Game?: Taking The High Road (And Not Breaking Anything Including Glass-top Tables) When Having Conversations With Your Biz-Dev. People.

7. Growing A Better Developer Beard In The Age of Metacritic (Moderator: Pete Wanat.)

6. At $0.99 No One Will Care If It's Totally Crappy: Finding The Ideal Pricepoint For Your Crappy iPhone Game.

5. You Got Your Mo-Cap In My Sound Design! (You Got Your Sound Design In My Mo-Cap!)

4. Postmortem: A Postmortem Of A Game That's Actually Called "Postmortem."

3. The Secret Recipe To BioWare's Success: Just Add Lots Of Words, Stir, Bake For 20 Months, Then Add Even More Words, And Then Maybe Add A Sex Scene With A Hot Alien Lady.

2. AHHHHHHHHHH: Are Your Being Healed Or Are You Enjoying A Very Tasty Root Beer Float?: The Underappreciated Art of Health-Regenerating Sound Bites.

1. Creating An Effective I-Lost Face: How To Make The Last-Place Finishers In Your Kart-Racing Game Appear Genuinely Sad Instead Of Looking As If They've Just Been Fondled By A Pervy Uncle At A Halloween Party.