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Ryan Kuo Author Bio

Status: ('______') -- blorp blorp I'm a DJ blorp blorp blorp

Last Login: November 21, 2009 2:26:12 PM
Joined: September 24, 2008 7:02:53 AM
Website: http://espermansion.com
AIM: mfduckie
Twitter: twerkface
Xbox Live: twerkface
Steam: twerkface
About Me: stuff and stuff

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Ratings

Why Jay-Z is a walking videogame. (Or: Jay-Z is performing for free.)
By Ryan Kuo | September 4, 2009
(Skip to the bottom of the post for free concert details.)Besides the special "Renegade Edition" of DJ Hero, which carries Jay-Z and Eminem's bulletproof endorsement (among other cool bonuses), there are rumors that Jay-Z is entering the games business. He and Eminem even performed at E3 this year. Even if we don't end up controlling Hova in some kind of third-person shooter / empire-building sim, it's nice to think that his off-and-on rivalry with 50 Cent might take itself into the realm of pixels and power-ups. I don't think it's a coincidence that many of his most compelling singles sound like ...

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Why games are more like tricycles
By Ryan Kuo | September 1, 2009
For the record, if I had to choose between living on the bleeding edge of gaming in 2010 and staring at this picture of a tricycle the whole year, I would probably choose the tricycle.WARNING: Stuck-up rant ahead! I like a good story. Who doesn't? But I'm incredibly bored by this idea that a medium is "mature" when it can "tell a great story." I like a good character, and a provacative scenario, and an interesting past, and choices and consequences and choose your own adventure. Who doesn't? But when these subjects come up in interviews with creators, they usually come off like design problems just waiting to be solved, rather than artistic questions to be explored. It really, really bugs me when a rationalist designer's mentality stands ...

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Good Night
By Ryan Kuo | August 18, 2009
I've always hated the notion that one can somehow triangulate a game's quality by weighing price against hours spent. It reeks of consumer tunnel-vision.But the incredibly low prices of games in the App Store have made me rethink parts of this. Games for the iPhone range from $0.99 to $9.99 (but rarely). I spend a little more than a dollar on vending machine sodas that I usually finish in less than 10 minutes. The same amount of money on the App Store buys me hours of entertainment. Both mobile games and vending machines trade coins for timely diversions. Both have a somewhat ominous, otherworldly ...

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Win a free Games on Demand code for BioShock! (Among other stuff.)
By Ryan Kuo | August 13, 2009
Hey! Here is a chance to win a free Xbox 360 Games on Demand download code for BioShock.BioShock was the second game I installed on my work laptop, the first PC I've had in three years. But the frame rates were bad. The screen was too small for Big Daddy. Let's not even talk about the sound. By the time I'd reached Neptune's Bounty, the game had slowed to a crawl. I'd send in two sentry drones, run in after them, and at a blink find them in smoking ruins at my feet. T_T BioShock was when I gave up PC gaming for good. I've had an Xbox 360 copy of BioShock "on loan" from the CG game room for a few months. (Sorry!) But I have never once gotten around to putting the disc in my Xbox 360 ...

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Clothes make the gunman
By Ryan Kuo | June 18, 2009
There's a lot of talk about free-running lately. Perhaps it's because the usage of the buzzword in Brink previews has made references to Mirror's Edge materialize seemingly all over. I love the mechanic, as it plays out in Mirror's Edge, because it takes the first-person conceit so literally. You see through this virtual person's eyes; therefore your view of the game world should emulate a physical set of eyes. You can look everywhere, you can look down at yourself, you'll see the world heave up and down when you run, and see it spiral nearly out of control as you roll underneath some piping or fall off a building. (Need for Speed SHIFT seems to be doing something similar, making the virtual race as paradoxically physical as it can be.)

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The Beatles as The Beatles
By Ryan Kuo | June 2, 2009
My girlfriend says it's sad that Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney are here at E3 presenting The Beatles: Rock Band. They've gone from being stars to being star presenters of a game in which they're featured. Note the name: "The Beatles" come before "Rock Band," an acknowledgment that they are the bigger franchise. What I've heard about the game is that the Beatles essence isn't only in the music and the avatars; it's also in the myriad period locales that blossom in the background as you play each song. Extending the Beatles from music and image to environment would be the logical conclusion of music and karaoke games. Idol ...

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World's Greatest Videogame Toilets: Crispy Gamer
By Ryan Kuo | May 6, 2009
[youtube:3_Tv7wZSFzA] Our series of the World's Greatest Videogame Toilets has finally drawn to a close with today's Bonus Flush, 3D Realms' highly dubious Shadow Warrior. What I've learned from this series is that videogame toilet humor died out a long time ago. Today's virtual toilets are photorealistic but not a whole lot of fun. Then again, breaking toilets in real life is kind of a drag. See above. (Check out the toilet archive here.)

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Breaking Bones with a Bone Club
By Ryan Kuo | May 3, 2009
You truly beat the life out of your enemies in Zeno Clash. An uppercut to the jaw sends them flying across a grassy field. It takes them a moment to get back up. While they're dazed, you can run up and kick them a few times for good measure. More than in other games, you can watch yourself doing this: Like an anarchic version of Mirror's Edge, your field of vision swings with your body as you reach back for an uppercut, and your view of a downed opponent heaves forcefully as your leg thrusts outward to kick him in the side. Another factor is the sound of your punches and kicks landing -- it's nice, loud and slappy, like ...

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Play Well With Others?
By Ryan Kuo | April 21, 2009
Here's one. Take old Sierra adventure games -- the first Space Quest, Police Quest, and Leisure Suit Larry games -- and make them playable on the Web. Then allow you to see everyone else who's playing the game along with you, and to overhear what they are saying to the game. "Look body," one player says. "Take rose," says another. "Use retrieval device," I say. "Use retrieval device," echoes someone in the room who thinks I have the right idea. "LOL HOW DID U GET THE GIRL SKIN," asks one player to another who has changed avatars. "Suicide," says a depressed soul at Lefty's Bar in Leisure Suit Larry in the Land of the Lounge Lizards. These old point-and-click adventure games were rich environments built to ...

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What A Bear
By Ryan Kuo | April 15, 2009
Enviro-Bear 2000: Operation: Hibernation is a chaotic experience, as you can see from the screenshot. You're a bear preparing for hibernation. As you crash through the woods in your camper, things like pinecones, fish, berries, and unruly animals end up inside the car. Some of these you can eat; others get in your way and it would probably behoove you to toss them out the passenger-side window. The catch is that your interactions with this physics-based game occur with only your right paw, which means that efforts to exert any kind of control over the bear, his car and the environment are pretty much futile. You can't quite steer while driving (unless you use an object to weigh down the pedal, which seems beside the point, since something else will ...

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Vitals: 27, allergic to cats

Education: Undergraduate degree in art history, with a wholesome helping of studio art. Then, an abortive (no pun intended) attempt at a career in medicine.

Publications: Brief & fleeting appearances in URB and the now-defunct Stylus Magazine.

Platforms played: 360, PS2, DS, iPod, Mac.

Genres played: Anything but country. I mean sports.

Multiplayer or single-player: I'm in love with multiplayer over Xbox Live. We've come a long way since dial-up DOOM II co-op.

My Top 10 games:

1. MechWarrior 2: 31st Century Combat
2. Grim Fandango
3. Fallout 3
4. Star Control II
5. BioShock
6. TIE Fighter
7. Quake III Arena
8. Half-Life
9. Knytt Stories
10. Streets of Rage 2

What makes me tick: UK pirate radio, video art and photography, manga, David Cronenberg, the T-1000, food, enormous books that I'll never finish.

Jones Destroys Valuable Collectable; Hangs Head in Shame by Scott Jones

November 20, 2009 3:03:43 PM

@CG-Gabe:

The sort that legitimately thinks Uncharted 2 is the finest videogame ever made? (There are a lot of them! Apparently!)
Jones Destroys Valuable Collectable; Hangs Head in Shame by Scott Jones

November 20, 2009 2:42:12 PM

Eh. Who needs $4000 anyway.
Left 4 Dead 2

November 19, 2009 9:54:17 PM

@strictmachine:

Same here. I could barely play the first Quake without the Cujo mod at my side. I haven't found L4D scary at all, but that really does have everything to do with the co-op buddies, it turns out.
A Zombie of a Chance: Looking Back at the Left 4 Dead 2 Boycott

November 19, 2009 2:23:36 PM

Seriously: These guys sound almost completely delusional.
The New Gaming Collectibles

November 18, 2009 12:12:20 PM

Does anyone want my copy of Chulip?
Left 4 Dead 2

November 17, 2009 5:12:16 PM

@CaptainHomeless:

It's actually not that bad playing the game with bots if you have to. They keep a conversation going. And unlike strangers they don't say stupid things (unless they are intentionally funny) :P
Left 4 Dead 2

November 17, 2009 4:47:06 PM

Your points about the narrative arc make L4D2 seem like a very new way of telling a story in a game. It took me much longer than it should have to get the brilliance of the original L4D avatar chatter. You really do grow fond of these characters you're inside -- even as you grow more and more aware that you're not actually them; you're just inside them. The idea that you're WITH the same characters you control in the adventure is a subtle one, but it's pretty damn fresh for an FPS.
Weekend Playlist, 11/13/2009

November 17, 2009 2:53:07 PM

@girlgamer21:

I think that is part of it, yeah. I don't think I got around to doing that my first time through, so I lost my chance at the vending machine.

HOLY CRAP! THEY ARE MAKING A HOTEL DUSK SEQUEL!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_Window:_Mayonaka_no_Yakusoku
Weekend Playlist, 11/13/2009

November 17, 2009 2:31:37 PM

I haven't played Phoenix Wright yet either! I don't know why.
The Crispy Minute - DJ Hero

November 17, 2009 12:19:13 PM

@EvanNarcisse:

Speaking of which, check this out: Steel Battalion controller used for VJing.

http://www.gamesetwatch.com/2009/11/steel_battalion_controller_vji.php

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	Moon (DS) User Ratings 0% Buy \| 100% Try \| 0% Fry My Rating BUY TRY FRY
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The Chatter Box

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Jones Destroys Valuable Collectable; Hangs Head in Shame
10 Comments
Last November 21, 2009 by piccolo13
It's supposed to look old and beat up anyway isnt it? Just pretend yours is the Ultra rare edition....i mean, it is one of a kind afterall!
Left 4 Dead 2
12 Comments
Last November 21, 2009 by w1ndst0rm
Incase you haven't found it the Juke box in LFD2 plays JoCo. Gus and I listened to the whole song and let the swarm come. It was surreal.
Experience Points 11/20/2009
3 Comments
Last November 21, 2009 by Ethrarn
gotta love modern warfare 2...
Weekend Playlist, 11/20/2009
5 Comments
Last November 21, 2009 by beanzfury
@Jones: If you end up liking 'Preacher', Garth Ennis does another series called 'Crossed'. It's along the vein of 'The Walking Dead'; although it's more ...

Ding! 03/30/2009
678 Comments
Last November 15, 2009 by Xenoth
The issue was never that he decided not to make this comic anymore. It was that he said Ding was returning and strung everyone along for months playing ...
So I just played "that part" of Modern Warfare 2
59 Comments
Last November 14, 2009 by Catastrophic1
Well I broke down today and bought the game and I played "No Russian" but unfortunately, probably due to all the talking about it and seeing it on YouTube, ...
Weekend Playlist, 11/13/2009
35 Comments
Last November 18, 2009 by girlgamer21
@RyanKuo: thank for letting me know.
"It's a Massacre!": The Appalling Failure of Modern Warfare 2's "No Russian" Mission
29 Comments
Last November 17, 2009 by RyanKuo
@TomBissell: Pulling out narrative flowcharts to defend the scene doesn't seem so different from calling it out for being awkwardly rammed in, ...

ChknKitty Says

Wow, people win every day in the Chicken Out contest! Sign up and win.

	Feature: Games That Time Forgot: Bangai-O Spirits* (2008)* by Ryan Kuo \| 11/12/2009 8:45:44 AM \| 0 comments It's not too late to explode in Bangai-O Spirits.
	Review: DJ Hero (Xbox 360) by Ryan Kuo \| 10/30/2009 1:32:57 PM \| 9 comments DJ Hero goes back and forth.
	Review: Machinarium (PC) by Ryan Kuo \| 10/20/2009 3:48:29 PM \| 6 comments Machinarium finds a new way to build an adventure.
	Review: Scribblenauts (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 9/15/2009 8:43:25 AM \| 7 comments Write your own blurb for this Scribblenauts review.
	Feature: Playing to Infinity: Space Invaders Infinity Gene by Ryan Kuo \| 8/19/2009 11:25:45 AM \| 3 comments Infinity Gene isn't your everyday Space Invaders -- or videogame, for that matter.
	Feature: Apples to Nothing: Five Reasons Why My iPod Is My Favorite Game System by Ryan Kuo \| 7/30/2009 10:02:31 AM \| 11 comments Ryan Kuo hasn't touched his Xbox since he got his iPod. Here's why.
	Review: Blueberry Garden (PC) by Ryan Kuo \| 6/19/2009 11:42:45 AM \| 17 comments This award-winning indie game is a little hard to love. Ryan Kuo reviews.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Asteroids* (Atari 2600)* by Ryan Kuo \| 5/28/2009 7:11:10 PM \| 1 comments Don't let Asteroids wreck your household like it did this poor Martian family's!
	Feature: Vista Ultimate: Disappearing Plants and the Big Secret by Ryan Kuo \| 5/15/2009 6:45:28 PM \| 12 comments The Plants vs. Zombies conflict ended when Ryan's computer nuked the whole thing. Find out why he made it through the fallout.
	Review: Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 4/29/2009 5:59:15 PM \| 7 comments Henry Hatsworth's adventure is more than puzzling. It's also infuriating. And pretty.
	Column: Dissenting Opinion: Puzzle Quest: Galactrix by Ryan Kuo \| 4/24/2009 6:36:39 PM \| 1 comments Ryan Kuo thinks Galactrix is a lot more interesting than a puzzle game in role-playing clothes.
	Review: Imagine: Family Doctor (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 4/1/2009 12:01:00 AM \| 0 comments Imagine: Family Doctor gives you the white coat and the brain of a doctor. What is Ryan Kuo's chief complaint about this game?
	Feature: Nom Nom: 12 Videogame Foods to Die For by Ryan Kuo \| 3/26/2009 3:35:34 PM \| 8 comments They give you health, special powers and something nice to look at. Ryan Kuo would like to munch on these videogame foods.
	Feature: Quake Life: Deathmatch 2.0 by Ryan Kuo \| 3/5/2009 9:27:44 PM \| 4 comments Quake Live is the most ambitious browser game yet. Ryan Kuo engages id's Quake III Arena port to the Web.
	Review: Retro Game Challenge (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 2/25/2009 7:48:01 PM \| 6 comments Retro Game Challenge invites you to re-enter the '80s. Ryan Kuo thinks it's a memorable trip.
	Review: Moon (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 2/23/2009 6:36:46 PM \| 1 comments Renegade Kid developer brings a slick FPS to the Nintendo DS. Ryan Kuo flies to the moon and back.
	Feature: The Five: Bit.Trip Beat by Ryan Kuo \| 2/12/2009 6:38:11 PM \| 4 comments With an edgy name and a hip old style, Bit.Trip Beat is giving the Wii a facelift. Ryan Kuo previews this chiptune-themed rhythm game, unveiled to the public at New York Comic Con.
	Review: World of Goo (PC) by Ryan Kuo \| 1/15/2009 7:39:05 PM \| 1 comments A world of goo and glory awaits in World of Goo. Ryan Kuo reviews.
	Feature: A Kiss on the Blips by Ryan Kuo \| 12/12/2008 7:14:44 PM \| 2 comments In the international chiptune scene, Game Boys and other gaming tools of our past get together and make beautiful low-bit music. Ryan Kuo reports on Blip Festival 2008.
	Feature: I Survived, Now It's Time 4 Bed by Ryan Kuo \| 12/5/2008 7:39:45 PM \| 3 comments While Left 4 Dead is being lauded for the fun you can have with friends, Ryan Kuo felt the lonelier side of surviving. Is there more to the single-player experience than making a movie? Read on.
	Review: Metal Slug 7 (DS) by Ryan Kuo \| 12/4/2008 7:06:44 PM \| 3 comments Faithful to the series in at least one way, you'll die over and over in Metal Slug 7. But is the shooter worth the commitment? Ryan Kuo reviews.
	Feature: The Five: Puzzle Quest: Galactrix by Ryan Kuo \| 10/31/2008 5:52:35 PM \| 4 comments Many jewels will die in Puzzle Quest: Galactrix, vaporized in threes by the lasers of you and your foes. Unlike its fantasy RPG predecessor, space is the place in Infinite's latest puzzler. Read on for Ryan Kuo's preview.

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