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John Teti Author Bio

Status: Nothin' but net

Last Login: November 20, 2009 4:11:20 PM
Joined: February 16, 2009 3:26:32 PM
Website: geekoutnewyork.com

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Swag Tester: Win a Scribblenauts Rooster Cap
By John Teti | November 17, 2009
You have the unseasonable warmth in New York to thank for the availability of today's Swag Tester prize. We all thought that the Scribblenauts "rooster cap" would make for cozy winter headwear, but since the cold is taking its sweet time arriving here, we decided we ought to pass it along to someone in chillier climes. Plus, the last time I wore it out of the office, I was laughed at and pelted with eggs and sweetbreads. In any case, time to part with this thing. Honest to goodness, I just realized while typing this that it's also sort of a chicken-related item, which is great because I'm sure you haven't had enough of the chicken stuff on this site. I'm sure that a bucket of KFC grilled chicken isn't the last thing you see when your close your eyes to go to sleep ...

» Read More
PopCap Swag Tester: The Results
By John Teti | November 9, 2009
The results are in: Confessor is the randomly selected winner of the PopCap booty featured in last week's Swag Tester. Commenter girlgamer21 receives the honorable mention—a random bit of swag and, of course, the usual Crispy Gamer T-shirt—because she used the phrase "bad telly tubby" in her comment: I saw a guy on the news dressed as the purple telly tubby with a suitcase turns out he was stealing things from people's homes on halloween night. This is no joke this really happened. Bad telly tubby. There was also a good tale from togmkn, who took heed of my advice to make something up (or did he?): I saw a little kid dressed up as ...

» Read More
Swag Tester: Win a Pantload of PopCap Swag
By John Teti | November 2, 2009
Swag Tester is like backwards American Idol. We do the results first, and then we ask the contestants to perform. Yet it works. So first things first: Here are the results from the last Swag Tester. Randomly selected Killstring walks away with a Dark Void travel bag. And This_is_suicide gets a runner-up swag gift, grabbed haphazardly off my desk, because s/he came right out and begged for some swag. Note: That trick will only work once. (Also, This_is_suicide, see the note at the bottom of this post.) Here's the thing about the good folks at PopCap. They make excellent games—generally well-loved in the Crispy offices, even if Jones turns his nose up at Peggle—but the above-and-beyond part is that their swag is pretty good, too. It seems they put as much creative energy into coming up with swag as they put into the actual ...

» Read More
Swag Tester: Win A Dark Void Travel Set
By John Teti | October 19, 2009
Enough of this transpacific travel and caption-contest folderol. We must return now to the serious business of Swag Tester, which in our last episode, granted commenter Confessor the coveted prize of a Modern Warfare 2 pen set and a Crispy cap. But hey, posting the funny comments on the caption contest was fun, right? So, if you want to be humorous in the Swag Tester comments, let's do that. The winner will still be picked at random, but in the meantime we'll have some laffs. The prize this time is a "Tesla Air" travel set to promote the game Dark Void. It's coming out in January from Capcom, and I wasn't aware of it until I got this package, so it was pretty effective swag, I guess. This is also the most useful piece of swag I've ever received. We all were marveling in the Crispy office about the attention to detail on display. It really is quite a good little pack for the plane. Here's a picture:
» Read More
Post-TGS 2009: This is Why I Miss Having Arcades Around
By John Teti | October 1, 2009
Jones and I encountered Garnett Lee, formerly of 1UP and now of GameFly, while shopping at Mandarake in Shibuya. Garnett suggested that I visit the larger Nakano Broadway complex in the Nakano district of Tokyo. It's just west of Shinjuku, where we were staying, yet I had never been there before. Honestly, I was pretty worn out on otaku culture by the time I made it to Nakano Broadway, so it wasn't as much of a thrill as I thought it would be. I was charmed, however, to run across a tiny arcade in the building filled with head-to-head fighting machines old and new. The vintage machines were getting all the attention that day, as they were holding a big tournament on some Neo-Geo game whose name I couldn't make out. (Anyone who can identify the game from the videos below wins a million Crispy points!) This video gives you an idea of the setup—two ...

» Read More
Post-TGS 2009: How to Be an UFO-Catcher Master
By John Teti | September 30, 2009
Next to video games, the most floor space in Japanese arcades is dedicated to "UFO Catchers." Callously referred to as "crane games" in the United States, these machines beguile you with fabulous prizes—or sometimes less-than-fabulous prizes—that look terribly easy to snatch up in the catchers' big metal claws. Of course, you should not be fooled. Japanese UFO Catchers are almost never won by grasping something and dragging it over to the prize chute. Fifteen-year-old Catholic school boys have better pickup moves than the claws inside an UFO Catcher. If your strategy is to make a desperate grab, you might as well flush your 100 yen coins down the toilet. Although that seems pretty wasteful, too. And it could damage the plumbing. OK, that was just a bad idea. Anyway, if you want to hit paydirt with the ...

» Read More
Post-TGS 2009: Yes We Can Make You Uncomfortable About Race!
By John Teti | September 30, 2009
Jones' post about the "Mr. James" character at McDonald's touched on weird racial stuff, but Mr. James is a white dude (an incredibly white dude). What about black people? Like, say, the first African-American president of the United States? He's a cute little vending-machine character! The letters going down the middle of his suit say "CHANGE." OK, pretty harmless, even fun, right? Next Obama thing I saw was on the subway: The picture's a little blurry, so to clarify, yes, that's a Japanese Obama impersonator in blackface on the left. (I don't know who the other blackface guy is supposed to be.) This made me kinda uncomfortable. And then there was this at a branch of the famous Mandarake anime/collectibles ...

» Read More
Post-TGS 2009: No Photo!!!
By John Teti | September 29, 2009
The exhibitors at TGS 2009 spend many thousands of dollars constructing lavish high-wattage booths with enormous TV screens in a gigantic effort to dazzle the eye. Then they hire armies of people to yell at you if you try to take a picture. "NO PHOTO!" they say with their arms/fingers crossed in a big "X." Jones and I found this baffling, and after I got frantically shooed away from a few booths for my snapshot-snapping ways, we decided to get some footage of me getting yelled at for trying to take pictures. The idea was that I would provoke a bunch of the no-photo people to come out to yell at me, and we'd stitch together a montage of me getting in trouble, maybe set it to some krazy chiptunes. In other words, we would be jerks ...

» Read More
Post-TGS 2009: What's in a Name? (Not Much)
By John Teti | September 29, 2009
I have to assume that these games spotted on the TGS show floor sound super-exciting in the original Japanese. Last Ranker Yikes, really tempting the Metacritic fates here. Multi Raid Special Wait a minute … Generic Japanese Video Game Title Generator Bot 1.0, is this your handiwork? I thought you were retired! You old dog. Last Escort Just to make sure, there's no ...

» Read More
TGS 2009: Presenting The First Annual Crispy Gamer Miso Ramen Awards
By John Teti | September 28, 2009
Almost every day last week began the same way. Jones and I would roll out of bed in our respective hotel rooms, hung over from the night before, and we would have a debate on AIM about where we should eat. The discussion was always brief, and it always ended at the same place: the cheap ramen shop across the street from the Shinjuku Prince Hotel. (Motto: "Guests who stay at the Shinjuku Prince are truly the princes of Shinjuku.") Then we would eat miso ramen. Thus it is in honor of the Shinjuku Prince Hotel's local ramen place (motto: "Where the princes of Shinjuku come to eat an affordable bowl of top-notch ramen") that Jones and I christen the First Annual Crispy Gamer Miso Ramen Awards, to recognize achievements at Tokyo Game Show in many important categories. The Ryan Kuo Award for the game that Crispy copy editor Ryan ...

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Vitals: Born Nov. 1981, married

Education: Bachelor's in Film & Television and Master's in Creative Writing, both at Dartmouth.

Publications and Whatnot: CNN, "The Daily Show with Jon Stewart," AM New York, The Onion A.V. Club

Platforms played: Between the Atari 2600 and today, pretty much everything. Except the Sega Saturn. Sorry, Saturn fans.

Genres played: I don't really like to be pegged to any particular genres, but I do enjoy RPGs more than most.

Multiplayer or single-player: Single-player, same-room multiplayer, co-op online multiplayer, eating sandpaper, competitive online multiplayer. In that order.

My favorite Top 10 games ever played:

(I don't do rankings, but here's an obnoxiously alphabetical, fairly representative list.)

BioShock
Castlevania: Symphony of the Night
Chrono Trigger
Dragon Warrior
Fallout 3
Final Fantasy VI and all the even-numbered ones since
Ico
Mega Man 2
SSX 3
Star Trek: The Next Generation (pinball)
Super Mario Kart
Super Tecmo Bowl
You Don't Know Jack

What makes me tick: Game shows, pinball, Japan, aquariums, burgers, friends, family, people who are passionate about unusual things.

Internet's Fastest Game Reviews - Assassin's Creed 2

November 20, 2009 1:10:30 PM

Credit where credit's due: This one is inspired not only by those stupid ads, but also by an idea from Chris Buecheler.
Swag Tester: Win a Scribblenauts Rooster Cap by John Teti

November 17, 2009 10:52:50 PM

@CG-Prophet:

The test results don't lie.

@Sasafras Jones:

Let's see some pictures of this crazy hat collection.
A Story on CG Not About Modern Warfare 2!!!! (Hooray.) by Scott Jones

November 13, 2009 4:57:24 PM

1. Who the hell is Kytes?
2. Back those memory cards up, for Pete's sake. The idea of your only save games navigating two postal systems protected only by a thin envelope -- it's scary.
“Welcome to the King of Iron Fist!”: Practice Makes Perfect? by Evan Narcisse

November 13, 2009 1:16:36 PM

Cheesing is like "tagbacks" in tag. Sure, by the rules of the game, you can do it. But nobody wants to play with you if you do, because you suck all the joy out of the thing. And similar to "no tagbacks," the "no cheesing" house rule is so obvious that it generally goes unspoken.
Swag Tester: Win a Pantload of PopCap Swag by John Teti

November 9, 2009 4:30:42 PM

@piccolo13:

A far smaller T-shirt is on its way to you. After asking around, I think the T-shirt size question was on a marketing survey a while back from a different part of the company.
Swag Tester: Win a Pantload of PopCap Swag by John Teti

November 4, 2009 12:28:12 AM

@togmkn:

Hey, did you get your prizes from the Tokyo caption contest yet? I think you were one of the last they were waiting to hear back from. Email the prizes at crispygamer.com address if there's been some disconnect.
Jones: STILL Playing FF XII; Gets Killed By Werewolves; Penelo = Killed Too by Scott Jones

November 3, 2009 5:36:21 PM

@piccolo13:

A thoughtful take on it. Nice post.
Jones: STILL Playing FF XII; Gets Killed By Werewolves; Penelo = Killed Too by Scott Jones

November 3, 2009 4:50:21 PM

@w1ndst0rm:

Well, I think I gave my personal answer to your question, or at least addressed why I think the game benefits from the board. It allows for a lot of customization and experimentation from the get-go, and then fades into the background as other strategic considerations, like Gambits, develop and come to the fore.

As far as "pointless," by the same token you could say that the Sphere Grid is pointless at the beginning of FF10 because for all intents and purposes it functions as a traditional leveling system until you get out into the farther reaches. Before then, you're hammering away at that grid to do things that would just happen automatically in past FF games.

The Sphere Grid's utility peaks toward mid-late FF10, whereas the License Board is more important in the initial stages of FF12. I don't think one is inherently better than the other, but I did like that FF12 gives you some character-customization decisions to make at the beginning of the game before you grasp the other mechanics -- again, as demonstrated by Jones' experience in this post.

Whether the License Board achieved the makers' intentions, I don't know, but it's probably clear by now that I think the board, in interaction with the other elements, struck a nice balance and was part of a growing arc of complexity over the course of the game. But accomplished gamers can disagree. Grown men also cry, Mr. Lebowski. Grown men also cry.

(By the way, let's not pretend that the Sphere Grid gets away scot-free on the "nuisance" front. I spent waaaay more time scrolling around on that grid in FF10 than I ever did on the License Board.)
Jones: STILL Playing FF XII; Gets Killed By Werewolves; Penelo = Killed Too by Scott Jones

November 3, 2009 12:56:53 PM

I think the post illustrates how the License Board contributed to the philosophy of the game. Jones wanted to try out an all-broadsword party, and the unrestrictive nature of the License Board allowed him to do that, while still making him pay a price by way of License Points.

It's somewhat difficult to, say, turn your whole party into black mages, given the different starting points of each character on the board. But it's not prohibitively difficult to do so, like it would be on the Sphere Grid in FF10, which doesn't open up very much until quite late in the game. Until then, your decision-making is restricted to a few critical junctures. To my mind, the License Board takes the basic idea of the Sphere Grid and tilts the balance in favor of giving the player more freedom of customization.

I thought the Sphere Grid was cool, and the "Expert" Sphere Grid in FF10 International (in which everyone started from the same, central point on the grid) was very cool. But I also liked the License Board because it brought more of my decision-making into play, earlier in the game. The downside is that by mid-late in the game, when License Points are plentiful, the restrictions on the board are essentially nil, making it more of a nuisance than anything else. That didn't bother me a whole lot because the License Board is much less central to the action in FF12 than the Sphere Grid is in FF10.
Swag Tester: Win a Pantload of PopCap Swag by John Teti

November 3, 2009 12:25:38 AM

@Palalong:

You can win again. The only house rule is that you can't win twice in a row.

Fallout 3 (Xbox 360)

User Ratings

78% Buy | 22% Try | 0% Fry

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Games That Time Forgot
5 Comments
Last November 20, 2009 by JZBEENO
Wow, most impressive dude I must admit. RT www.ultimate-privacy.br.tc
A Zombie of a Chance: Looking Back at the Left 4 Dead 2 Boycott
11 Comments
Last November 20, 2009 by KyleOrland
@garion333: Y'know, going in, I didn't either. Thought it'd be a nice thousand word interview story. Instead it kind of ballooned into an instant ...
Weekend Playlist, 11/20/2009
4 Comments
Last November 20, 2009 by w1ndst0rm
@TaintedKane: Will do. DA:O and LFD2 all weekend. Oh, I'm getting Gyromancer too. I won't type what I said when first I heard about it. (it's ...
Backward Compatible 11/20/2009
1 Comment
Last November 20, 2009 by Badman
"Cybernetic eyes that glow red when you get angry"... Now that is a movement I can get behind!

Ding! 03/30/2009
678 Comments
Last November 15, 2009 by Xenoth
The issue was never that he decided not to make this comic anymore. It was that he said Ding was returning and strung everyone along for months playing ...
So I just played "that part" of Modern Warfare 2
59 Comments
Last November 14, 2009 by Catastrophic1
Well I broke down today and bought the game and I played "No Russian" but unfortunately, probably due to all the talking about it and seeing it on YouTube, ...
Weekend Playlist, 11/13/2009
35 Comments
Last November 18, 2009 by girlgamer21
@RyanKuo: thank for letting me know.
"It's a Massacre!": The Appalling Failure of Modern Warfare 2's "No Russian" Mission
29 Comments
Last November 17, 2009 by RyanKuo
@TomBissell: Pulling out narrative flowcharts to defend the scene doesn't seem so different from calling it out for being awkwardly rammed in, ...

ChknKitty Says

Wow, people win every day in the Chicken Out contest! Sign up and win.

	Feature: Games That Time Forgot: Retro Game Challenge* (2009)* by John Teti \| 11/13/2009 7:02:39 AM \| 3 comments Retro Game Challenge is about the time that games forgot.
	Feature: GSI: Game Scene Investigation: Left 4 Dead 2 by John Teti \| 11/3/2009 8:50:35 AM \| 1 comments Game Scene Investigators uncover the truth about L4D2.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Flight Control by John Teti \| 10/23/2009 9:32:05 AM \| 14 comments In today's edition of Casual Fr-- Look out for that jumbo jet!!
	Feature: Tokyo Santa Caption Contest: Winners! by John Teti \| 10/16/2009 12:08:40 PM \| 22 comments Tokyo Santa opens his bag of Tokyo swag! Are you a winner?
	Feature: The Five: Xbox 360 Dashboard Update by John Teti \| 10/14/2009 9:51:21 AM \| 13 comments Take a peek behind the new Xbox 360 Dashboard.
	Feature: Tokyo Santa Caption Contest, Final Day by John Teti \| 10/12/2009 9:51:39 AM \| 36 comments Scott Jones approves of your entry in this caption contest.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Canabalt by John Teti \| 10/9/2009 11:52:06 AM \| 20 comments Let's all run for our lives!
	Feature: Tokyo Santa Caption Contest, Day 3 by John Teti \| 10/9/2009 11:18:43 AM \| 31 comments So you want to be a hero? Enter Tokyo Santa's contest!
	Feature: Tokyo Santa Caption Contest, Day 2 by John Teti \| 10/8/2009 9:43:52 AM \| 26 comments Dissidia Final Fantasy soda has the taste of victory for the winner of today's caption contest.
	Preview: The Five: Lost Planet 2 by John Teti \| 10/7/2009 2:08:05 PM \| 0 comments Lost Planet 2 might be getting too big for its VS.
	Feature: Tokyo Santa Caption Contest, Day 1 by John Teti \| 10/7/2009 8:52:46 AM \| 32 comments Want fun stuff from Tokyo? It takes just one hilarious caption!
	Preview: The Five: PixelJunk Shooter by John Teti \| 10/2/2009 1:26:35 PM \| 0 comments The latest from Dylan Cuthbert's Q-Games, PixelJunk Shooter takes you underground.
	Feature: A Gallery of Master Chief Enjoying Himself in Various Locations by John Teti \| 9/21/2009 8:21:51 AM \| 5 comments With the release of Halo 3: ODST, Master Chief enjoys a little downtime.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Copy Cat by John Teti \| 9/18/2009 12:04:18 PM \| 0 comments Copy Cat lets you paint a picture in very broad strokes.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Word Ace by John Teti \| 9/11/2009 11:00:47 AM \| 3 comments Texas Hold 'em for the Scrabble crowd. Today, we're playing Word Ace.
	Feature: Those Games Mean Nothing to Me by John Teti \| 9/10/2009 3:22:39 PM \| 37 comments According to The New York Times, most games are meaningless.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Upgrade Complete! by John Teti \| 9/4/2009 3:50:36 PM \| 0 comments Upgrade your weekend by starting it before you even leave the office. Play Upgrade Complete! with us!
	Feature: GSI: Game Scene Investigation: Wet by John Teti \| 9/2/2009 8:39:46 AM \| 2 comments What's going on in this Wet screenshot? GSI investigates.
	Column: Casual Fridays: Playfish's Word Challenge by John Teti \| 8/28/2009 11:01:34 AM \| 10 comments Roll up your shirt sleeves and play Word Challenge with us. It's Friday!
	Feature: Eight Enemies Who Are Just Jerks by John Teti \| 8/18/2009 8:48:02 AM \| 8 comments Some enemies go too far.
	Feature: Fallout 3: Mothership Zeta: Is This the End? by John Teti \| 8/17/2009 5:41:29 PM \| 14 comments Why Mothership Zeta is a fitting end to Fallout 3.
	Column: Crispy Adventurers Club: MDK by John Teti \| 8/11/2009 12:31:27 PM \| 29 comments The Adventurers Club plays MDK this month. Get a free code from Good Old Games!
	Feature: GSI: Game Scene Investigation: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves by John Teti \| 8/10/2009 1:36:15 PM \| 1 comments John Teti demystifies the screenshot.
	Feature: Eight Wisecracks RPG Fans Never Want to Hear Again by John Teti \| 7/29/2009 9:10:39 AM \| 12 comments RPG players, we've got your back.
	Review: The King of Fighters XII (Xbox 360) by John Teti \| 7/28/2009 6:41:03 PM \| 4 comments The 12th King of Fighters continues the series' uneventful reign. John Teti argues that hardcore fans may be leading the King astray.
	Column: How to Hack Your PSP by John Teti \| 7/22/2009 8:43:58 AM \| 1 comments You've got a PSP. Want to have fun with it? John Teti shows you how.
	Feature: One and Done: Nine Videogame Characters Who Were Never Heard From Again by John Teti \| 7/6/2009 7:40:20 AM \| 4 comments These characters had just one chance to make their mark before their careers were swallowed up.
	Column: Crispy Adventurers Club: StarTropics: The Adventure Begins by John Teti \| 7/1/2009 6:33:54 PM \| 5 comments The Crispy Adventurers Club has chosen its first destination: StarTropics!
	Review: Let's Tap (Wii) by John Teti \| 6/29/2009 2:50:08 PM \| 3 comments John Teti taps into the power of another Wii peripheral: the cereal box. Read his review of Let's Tap.
	Feature: Join the Crispy Adventurers Club by John Teti \| 6/29/2009 12:46:49 PM \| 27 comments Embark on a new classic gaming adventure each month. First item on the agenda: Choose a game!
	Feature: Out of Bounds: Eight Videogame Places You're Not Supposed to Go by John Teti \| 6/10/2009 12:33:02 PM \| 16 comments Pack your bags, it's time to explore some fresh gaming terrain. Check out these famous forbidden locales.
	Preview: E3 2009: The Five: Heavy Rain by John Teti \| 6/8/2009 2:08:30 PM \| 5 comments We've heard a lot about Heavy Rain, but how does it play? John Teti got hands-on time at E3.
	Column: How to Get Soda Out of an Xbox 360 Controller by John Teti \| 6/1/2009 12:42:08 PM \| 5 comments John Teti shows you how to get your controller out of a sticky situation.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Sega Saturn by John Teti \| 5/29/2009 8:27:18 PM \| 0 comments A lot of conflicting feelings play out in this one.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Atari 5200 by John Teti \| 5/27/2009 6:23:48 PM \| 3 comments Ever feel like someone's pulling a fast one on you? Be wary when you watch this ad.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Sega CD by John Teti \| 5/26/2009 7:23:35 PM \| 1 comments This ad uses the dual strategy of coercion and very fast editing, thus threatening the viewer with an array of bad games.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Sonic the Hedgehog by John Teti \| 5/26/2009 7:23:31 PM \| 0 comments Hurry up, Sonic!
	Feature: The Five: 1 vs. 100 by John Teti \| 5/22/2009 6:56:29 PM \| 0 comments 1 vs. 100 is a real-time game show with a living, breathing host and you as the star. John Teti previews the XBLA game.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Cereal Showdown by John Teti \| 5/20/2009 6:01:20 PM \| 0 comments Gaming cereals go head-to-head in this climactic showdown. Can Pac-Man outdo the Mario & Zelda tag-team?
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Pole Position by John Teti \| 5/19/2009 7:04:27 PM \| 1 comments This ad takes you on a ride and back, not necessarily in one piece.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening by John Teti \| 5/15/2009 6:45:38 PM \| 1 comments Here's a little story that must be told, about a marketing trick that got too old.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: E3 1995 by John Teti \| 5/14/2009 7:21:00 PM \| 2 comments If you didn't attend the first E3 in 1995, this ad suggests you missed out big-time.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Intellivision by John Teti \| 5/13/2009 7:31:08 PM \| 3 comments Want to know what the kid in this ad felt like? Watch this ad to make your hair stand on end.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Mario Bros.* (Atari 5200)* by John Teti \| 5/12/2009 7:13:27 PM \| 2 comments Imagine a time when nobody knew about Mario Bros. Then watch this ad.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: The Ignition Factor by John Teti \| 5/11/2009 6:25:24 PM \| 2 comments This ad will burn a hole in your brain.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Tandy Color Computer 2 by John Teti \| 5/11/2009 6:25:12 PM \| 2 comments Relive your childhood fantasies of gaming in a cape with this ad.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Wheel of Fortune by John Teti \| 5/8/2009 8:03:47 PM \| 2 comments "Vanna White in a box" is what this ad is really trying to say.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: BFD Hint Lines by John Teti \| 5/7/2009 6:30:44 PM \| 1 comments Before the Web made cheat codes and walkthroughs a dime a dozen, these numbers were touted as your only lifeline.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: The Crow: City of Angels by John Teti \| 5/6/2009 6:27:44 PM \| 3 comments This ad for The Crow: City of Angels gets all emotional.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Swords and Serpents by John Teti \| 5/5/2009 7:11:19 PM \| 1 comments This commercial for the NES role-playing game Swords and Serpents brings dungeon-crawling to hairy, oily life.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Game Boy: Play It Loud! by John Teti \| 5/4/2009 7:03:27 PM \| 6 comments Beauty, this ad suggests, is truly skin deep.
	Feature: 30 Retro Game Ads in 30 Days: Snatcher by John Teti \| 5/4/2009 7:03:23 PM \| 3 comments Snatcher is a pretty grim game, but this ad is a little more demented.
	Feature: As Fast as Impossible: 10 Insanely Thrilling Tool-Assisted Speedruns by John Teti \| 4/20/2009 4:00:12 PM \| 17 comments Forget about human skill. Tool-assisted speedrunners push the machines themselves to their limit. John Teti picks 10 of his favorite TAS videos.
	Column: Dissenting Opinion: The Godfather II by John Teti \| 4/13/2009 10:13:35 PM \| 43 comments Should film fans be offended by The Godfather II? John Teti argues they have nothing to worry about.
	Review: Star Ocean: The Last Hope (Xbox 360) by John Teti \| 3/9/2009 8:54:18 PM \| 0 comments Do the far-flung battles and story of Star Ocean: The Last Hope hold water? John Teti reviews.
	Feature: If These Bugs Are Wrong, I Don't Want to Be Right by John Teti \| 2/16/2009 6:38:39 PM \| 28 comments Some of the best design features in gaming history were unintentional. John Teti argues that, sometimes, if it's broke, don't fix it.

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Jones Destroys Valuable Collectable; Hangs Head in Shame by Scott Jones

Kotaku Fund Raiser Fun by David Thomas

Confession: I Bought A Collector's Edition (And I'm Not Sure Why) by Scott Jones

Swag Tester: Win a Scribblenauts Rooster Cap by John Teti

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