Gaming wonks have spilled plenty of ink grumbling about the Nintendo Wii and its underwhelming library of novice-friendly games. It's not just that the games are mediocre; they also get docked for playing to a less game-literate audience. So while games like Wii Fit and Wii Music have made millions of beginners pick up a controller for the first time, the critical consensus shunts them off to the side.

Yet the other end of the spectrum, where the entrenched, insular, fan-pandering The King of Fighters XII resides, is an even bigger blight. It's not that KoF XII is impenetrable to new players, but rather that it purposefully makes an appeal only to those who have played the previous 11 entries. This is a game for the FAQ writers, the frame counters, the unshakable fanatics who still have not gotten over the mild novelty of uniting characters from multiple fighting-game series.

This image was animated over the course of 10,000 years by a sacred order of monks who drew a single pixel each day. It depicts a girl making magic loops appear from a man's groin.

The overriding focus of KoF XII is not gameplay but an overhauled visual look. The 22 characters have all been redrawn in a refreshed 2-D arcade style -- an update from past KoF games' slightly staler 2-D arcade style. It's clear from SNK Playmore's hyperbolic marketing push that I ought to be more impressed than I am, but the game resembles a very good PlayStation-era game, and that's about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a retro look. KoF XII simply doesn't execute it in any remarkable fashion.

I appreciate the frame-by-frame work it took to make effeminate dilettante Ash Crimson's bellbottoms flap so much more convincingly than before. Some characters, like Crimson, received a lot of attention from the animators; others, though, have been drained of personality by the new veneer. Goro Daimon, for one, has been transformed from a dynamic judo master to a hulking rectangle of judo beef. Fighters bounce awkwardly off the ground, and the special-move effects are mostly garish flashes of color.

This image was crafted by a dolphin working with a specially modified Macintosh IIci. It depicts a guy punching his friend for spilling tapioca on his jacket.

In terms of grating visuals, though, nothing compares to the tableaus that form the setting of each fight. I'm sure that all of the background art was lovingly hand-drawn by a team of elite animators on a commune tucked away in the mountains, in a process that spanned decades. Whatever painstaking process was employed, the resulting set pieces have less cultural sophistication than a "Clutch Cargo" cartoon. The fighters can travel to China, where noodle-gobbling rice-pickers cavort with swine, or Egypt, where legions of half-animal peasants compulsively worship the Occidental fighters who have graced their humble Snake Temple.

I have to assume that the new animations consumed a massive share of KoF XII's development resources, if only because the rest of the game reflects so little effort. Say what you will about the King of Fighters narrative; at least previous games bothered to tell a story. KoF XII frames its action with the most boring framing device possible: a cable newscast.

Not a zany cable newscast, or a cable newscast from the future; just a cable newscast where anchors and correspondents dutifully report that there is a fighting tournament going on. I tried to think of something more boring, and the best I could come up with was that the fighters were holding a tournament so they could raise money to fix Grandma's barn. But heck, you and I would both play that game in a heartbeat.

This image was found on a meteorite in the Utah Desert that was struck by lightning. It depicts a dude showing off his sweet new pair of "L.A. Gear" light-up sneakers.

Oh, right, the fighting. I almost forgot. The punching, the kicking, it's all perfectly adequate. Or imperfectly adequate, really, since a series that's 12 going on 13 ought to strive for something more than "adequate." The series' 3-on-3 team dynamic remains a nice wrinkle on the traditional mano-a-mano setup, making it more difficult for your friends to master one fighter and grief their way to a win. The game plays well on a standard gamepad or an arcade stick, and each fighter's special moves are simple enough to trigger -- the standard quarter-turns and half-turns of the joystick, paired with a timely attack, usually do the trick.

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Like in any marginally competent fighting game, the characters span a range of techniques to suit different playing styles, although a couple of the fighters are too clumsy to bother with. The Xbox 360-exclusive Elisabeth Branctorche, for instance, feels more halting and clumsy than any player could tolerate, giving the distinct impression that she was a rush job.

This image was taken from a commercial for athlete's foot medication. It dramatizes the ill effects that may result if you don't use tough-actin' Tinactin.

Now we have arrived at the part of the review where I'm supposed to say something along the lines of, "Still, King of Fighters fans will find a lot to love here!" As if it is worthy of acclaim that SNK Playmore has successfully continued to gratify its least discriminating customers. Look, if you love King of Fighters, if you love this game, that is fantastic. I never begrudge anyone a good time.

But a loyal fan base and assured commercial success don't change the fact that KoF XII is a depressingly self-satisfied, unambitious work. We may sneer at all the newbies flocking to games, but look at what blind allegiance to the "true fans" hath wrought and suddenly some fresh blood doesn't seem so bad.

This review is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.