Flower, Sun and Rain (DS)
A mystery is concealed within this review.
7/2/2009 7:53 PM | 8 Comments | Page 1 of 3
What's Hot: Making a TinyURL using the digits in the footnotes.
What's Not: Not doing What's Hot.
Welcome to the review of
Flower, Sun and Rain -- Crispy Gamer's critical response to the Nintendo DS rerelease of the classic game by Suda 51 and Grasshopper Manufacture. What? You're wondering why I'm talking to you like this? Me, too. But before we get to that question, let me ask you something. Why do you play videogames? Don't answer yet. Let it simmer in your brain a bit. Okay, then. Let's move on.
As reader of this review it's important that you understand the following points. A) Suda 51 is up to something. B) What he's up to we're not entirely sure of. And C) The videogame
Flower, Sun and Rain (which this very piece of writing will address) is proof that he's been up to this very thing for a while.*
Something like this could get me to watch UFC matches.
You may ask, what
exactly is this thing that Suda 51 is doing? That's a very boring question, but I'll answer it anyway. Suda 51 has been experimenting with the form of videogames. He's been poking the conventions of videogame storytelling and gameplay with a stick. Sometimes he beats said conventions with said stick until they're unrecognizable -- bruised, bloodied and weeping in a corner. Authorities have been alerted to these abuses and have docked Suda 51 the appropriate number of Metacritic percentage points for his digressions.** But since you're here I'll let you in on a little secret: The conventions of videogame storytelling and gameplay had it coming.
We're pretty far into the review already, aren't we? It's kind of nice in here. Airy. There are so many things one could do with a space like this. We could talk about Takashi Miike. Or we could talk about Suda 51's "Punk's Not Dead" speech where the game-maker began to explain his approach to making games.*** Man, there really are a zillion things we could do in here. Let's go over into the corner and chat for a second. Over there by the jukebox. I'll put on The Smiths if they have it. Got a dollar? No. Forget it. I'll write it off. Do you like "This Charming Man?"**** Seems appropriate, right? Okay, go ahead and sit down. I won't bite. I'm going to be honest with you for a second. You'll probably hate
Flower, Sun and Rain. I'm pretty sure of it. I don't know you, really. We just met. You seem polite. And you dress okay. But I have that feeling about you. Just like I know not to talk about movies and music or politics or sex or food or pretty much anything I really care about with my relatives in Michigan. The weather's nice, though, eh?
A scene from the insurance adjusting mini-game.
Don't look at me that way. I've been wrong before. Misjudged people. Maybe I got the wrong impression. I'll lay it out for you then. Let you see if I was wrong.
Flower, Sun and Rain is ugly. Even by PlayStation 2 standards. Well, parts of it are, at least. Wander around the game long enough and you'll see pixels stretch off into the horizon like big, brown smears. The trees in
Doom look better.
Crap. I promised myself I wouldn't do this. And here I am getting all critic-y. Old habits and all that, right? I'm serious, though. A good half of
Flower, Sun and Rain is butt-ugly. The characters have lumpy
Goldeneye heads. And the camera is frequently unruly, making it hard to wander around. Did you just yawn? Sorry. I started spewing bullet points. I think I'm starting to get you now. I'll be honest. When you came in here with your T-shirt tucked into your jeans I thought you were some kind of jerk. But I was wrong to judge you.
