Look what I found hiding in the shadows inside my mailbox last week.

I confess; I've always been ridiculously fond of the Tenchu series. I've spent far too many nerdy hours engaged in nerdy arguments defending Tenchu to the Metal Gear Solid nerds. (Stupid Metal Gear Solid nerds.)

You'll spend 90 percent of the game waiting for enemies to wander along a predetermined path, yawn, and say something strange ("I wish I was drunk").

Yet, after Tenchu: Stealth Assassins for the PlayStation in 1998, it's been increasingly difficult to defend my beloved ninja sim. The past decade of Tenchu games -- most of which I slogged through -- has been low point after low point (after low point). The idea behind the new Shadow Assassins is to 1. put the series back into the hands of the people who developed the original game; 2. make the gameplay Wii-waggle-friendly; and, finally, fingers crossed, 3. to get this wayward IP back on the right track.

As usual, the stars of the show are the inexplicably bleach-haired Rikimaru and the lithe, sexy Ayame. The setting is feudal Japan. The goals are of the "kill the evil merchant" and "defeat the bandit leader" variety. In other words, if you've ever played a Tenchu game, then you've done this before, many, many times.

It's not like they can move the setting into a modern-day shopping mall, or a San Francisco parking garage. (Not unless the developers create a "Highlander"-like time-travel gimmick -- to which I wouldn't necessarily be opposed.) But the sameness of the experience, the feeling of d?j? vu, will cause you to groan, and take you a minute or two to get over.

"I wish I was in a better gaaaaaaame!"

The biggest change in gameplay is a move called Hayate. Flicking the Wii Remote causes your ninja to stealthily dart from one shadowy area to the next. The shadowy areas in the game are clearly delineated via purple clouds. Get inside a purple cloud and, generally speaking, you're safe. You also can blow out candles by pressing the A button when prompted. And, you have some kind of crude version of a Super Soaker that allows you to douse candles from a distance. Hayate works when your ninja is up in the rafters, too; instead of having to make a series of tricky jumps, a quick Wii Remote flick has him/her moving accurately from beam to beam.

Kills are now also handled via waggle movements. Sneak up on an enemy, press the A button to start the kill, and you'll be prompted as to how to shake/wiggle the Wii Remote and Nunchuk attachment. (Ignore the prompts, and just give them both a shake for good measure. It doesn't matter if the game is telling you to move the Wii Remote forward; just shake it, and you'll be fine. Ah, the vagaries of waggle...)

And combat, when it's unavoidable, has an unfortunate Red Steel quality to it. To defend yourself, turn the Wii Remote at an angle when an enemy is swinging his sword. Then, attack with a Wii Remote swing of your own. Should more than one enemy be onto you, they'll very politely stand in line like customers in a Starbucks instead of attacking you all at once. Thanks, guys.

"THAT'S for making fun of my hair."

The voiceover work in Shadow Assassins is oddly entertaining, in a B-movie way. All the henchmen sound like they're auditioning for the role of Dopey Guy No. 2. And when you do find the Evil Merchant, despite his very Japanese appearance, he sports a strange British accent.

If the game sounds terrible, that's because it is. And yes, I'm Frying it. (I have to.) But, against my better judgment, I still sort of love it. There's an obsessive-compulsive quality to the Tenchu series that will always appeal to me. I love creeping through villages and leaving corpses in my wake, hoping to earn the coveted "S" rating (no detections). I love hanging out on rooftops, studying the movement patterns of knucklehead enemies. (One poignant bit of non-player character chatter that I overheard: "Ugh, what's that smell? [Sniffs] Oh, it's me.") And the new gameplay twists in Shadow Assassins, like Hayate, make the experience novel enough to make me curious, if not exactly interested.

If you're a Tenchu fan, you'll no doubt want to give this a try -- just check your better judgment at the door, and you'll probably have a terrific time. But if you were hoping for a Tenchu revolution, Shadow Assassins is not it.

This review is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.