Saints Row 2 (PC)

Saints Row 2 is enough to make a guy use the F-word
1/12/2009 8:36 PM | 0 Comments | Page 2 of 4

Like "Birdman of Alcatraz," but with shotguns

A short, violent prison break sets the stage, involving the death of probably about a hundred cops. Then you're turned loose. You'll likely set up your base first, playing a few prologue missions that call for the death of about a hundred more cops and a shotgun-toting judge. Then you can bop at will among three campaigns, each against a different enemy gang. Wrap these up and you'll get to a short series of ultimate missions. But all this is just the beginning.

Along the way, and well after the story is done, Stillwater is crammed with things to do. Saints Row 2 has an excellent game design, built around integrated "systems." Here, "systems" is just a fancy catchall term for things like driving, shooting, side challenges, weapons, clothes, storyline missions, gang wars, stunts, food, exploration, buying businesses, car upgrades and so on. These all have a place in the overall scheme, and many of them are related to each other. There is almost nothing you'll do just for the sake of doing it. The activities are designed to move you forward. Saints Row 2 knows you're a sucker for rewards and prizes. It's like a gumball machine that comes with its own pocketful of quarters.

That's not to say all the activities are great. Some definitely aren't. Driving around in a sewage truck and spraying passers-by should have been a hoot. It's not. It's horrible. Then there are weird little things like the sex-in-backrooms mini-game, which is little more than an excuse for Volition to put funny names for sexual positions on-screen. Unless you think "Double Fisted Spelunker" is funny (and let's face it -- it may be), it's just a lock-picking sex mini-game sans graphics. But, yes, I played it for 10 levels just to see what it unlocked. You will, too. That's what Saints Row 2 does to you.

With a forgiving checkpoint system for the tough missions and seamless cooperative multiplayer support, this is one of the best-paced games you can play. There is nary a brick wall to be seen in Stillwater: no invulnerable bosses, no scripted chases (well, okay, there's one), no "gotcha" jumping puzzles, no taking away all your weapons, no cheap shots and nothing to make you sigh and stop playing.

Speaking role

As for the main storyline, it's not much of a story. Unlike in the last Saints Row, you're no longer a silent cipher. Your exhaustively customized avatar is now a fully integrated and downright chatty part of the cut scenes. You'll find some nice recalls to the original storyline and if you care at all about what's going on, there are some surprises. The writing is mostly coarse, without a single gag as memorable as the riff on "the Los Gatos" in the original game (a little Michael Rapaport goes a long way). In fact, there's a conspicuous absence of lightness in the Saints Row 2 story. The Brotherhood campaign is nearly torture porn for its grim exchange of killing and maiming. And the game's grand finale is strange for how harsh it is towards a rather mild bad guy. Imagine facing Attila the Hun, then Pol Pot, then Hitler, only to eventually come face to face with ... Donald Trump? Really? That's my ultimate nemesis? I thought he'd be ... taller.