How's that for a list of crap you've got to install? Why not just ask for a kidney, too?

Writing for Crispy has a raft of benefits, but when it comes time to address Grand Theft Auto, there's nothing better than sheltering under the umbrella of our rating system, away from the argument about whether Grand Theft Auto IV deserves a perfect rating. I went into this review excited to engage some of the topics that came up when the game first hit consoles, but without the burden of having to decide between a 9/10 and 10/10.

There were questions like: In retrospect, does the lack of mission variety and disappointing final act damage the game enough to knock it off the "perfect" perch? Does having one of the most immersive game worlds ever seen mitigate the fact that an explicitly story-driven game has a weak ending? What does 32-player multiplayer add to the equation? I couldn't wait to get into this stuff.

And then I couldn't install the damn game.

This is probably the tamest, least ridiculous error message I saw during install. But fury prevented me from capping the others.

When I'm dodging error codes like Niko Bellic dashing through a hail of bullets, when I've got to wrap my hands like a sparring boxer so I don't actually break anything when I inevitably punch a wall, the other questions don't matter as much. They're about art and achievement. These issues are real-world, "I spent 40-some bucks on what might as well be a blank disc" sorts of problems.

Because those problems were eventually surmounted, I'm going to be kind and talk about the game first. But not with any of that arty crap thrown in.

(OK, here's the arty crap: The game is endlessly impressive, simply because of the detail with which Rockstar created Liberty City. Even though the mission structure is unimaginative and the ending is lame, by the time I got to that end I'd had more highs and lows than I could get out of a weeklong movie marathon. I'd enjoyed great dialogue and engaged memorable characters on my own terms, and run so many cars into the Swingset of Doom that I lost count. Coming back to the game on the PC, all that immediately came flooding back.)

Console haze may have added something to the game's rainy atmospheres, but I don't miss it.

On the PC, you won't find the mission structure improved out of the blue. You might, however, find the immersion factor has been deepened thanks to improved graphics. Even slightly gimped, as the graphics often feel on my middling PC, GTA IV looks better than it did on the Xbox 360. The draw distance enabled by loads of dedicated RAM and a serious GPU really is a thing of beauty.

Now, it would be a much better story if Rockstar had taken more care with the game and made it for modern computers instead of ones brought back in a DeLorean going 88 mph. The test rig for GTA IV ran Crysis Warhead and Left 4 Dead just fine; why did I have to dial down so many settings to get a stable frame rate out of this port?

Aiming with the mouse, you've got a much better chance in the assassination side-missions.

The graphics issues also seemed to impact my use of the new ability to record video, which for some will be a standout new feature. The basic idea is that you can press a button at any point and the last 30 seconds of video will be dumped to a file which can then be manipulated in all manner of ways. It should be 30 seconds, anyway. At times it might be 15 or 20, and maybe even 40. A lot hinges on how much of a load is being placed on your system resources when you're attempting to record, but of course a lot of the stuff you'll want to nab (at the outset, at least) is going to be that hectic rooftop gunfight or a particularly crazy race. So the video system is flawed, at least until the PCs for which Rockstar optimized this game arrive from space. Once that happens, however, the prospects for machinima are expansive.

More importantly, I got a lot out of Independence FM, the radio station you can stock with your own music. "Hey, custom soundtracks, woohoo! That's so cutting-edge!" Go ahead and be snotty, but the fact is, driving around to your own favorite tunes does make the game more enjoyable. When you're immersed in a world to a great degree, it's the small things that count, and this is a very big small thing.

Assuming your machine is up to spec, tooling around listening to the radio is even more beautiful than before.

Also worthy of applause is the decision to support jointly connected mouse/keyboard and gamepad inputs. That wired 360 controller once again comes in handy as the ideal way to control your car on the streets of Liberty City. During extended on-foot and shooting segments (like "Three Leaf Clover"), mouse/keyboard was the way to go, thanks to the definitively increased aiming precision. Using the cover system is a little easier with a gamepad, but if you're a dedicated shooter, mouse and keys will make multiplayer a blast. Eventually, I settled back to all-gamepad controls, but the flexibility is welcome.

A bump to the character models would have been nice.

Now, about that multiplayer. The simple fact is that it is excellent entertainment. The thing I missed in GTA IV on consoles was the sense of unbridled mayhem. Pour out a 40-oz. for the departed Rampages of games past -- but with 32 players online, multiplayer turns into an excellent replacement. Things can get out of control very quickly, in a more varied and unpredictable way than when relying only upon the in-game artificial intelligence and reaction system.

But, like so many other things in this release, my enthusiasm comes with a qualification. To play online you'll need both a Microsoft Games for Windows client and account, and a new Rockstar Games Social Club client and account. Neither of those is difficult to set up, but both need to run in the background, and if you've got a PC that is already straining to keep up with GTA, system resources are too valuable to waste.

(And if you buy the game via Steam, you'll be running Games for Windows, Rockstar Games Social Club and Steam all at once -- easily two processes too many.)

Which, naturally, leads back to the general install and error issues that plague this port. The good aspects of GTA IV on the PC were able to come to light only after the single most frustrating install and configuration process I've ever had with a PC game. Between SecuROM (which hates my firewall, several other protective apps and, evidently, my entire network) and the simple installer used by Rockstar, there were problems with every step.

OK, yeah, that looks really damn nice.

The installer would suddenly decide the disc didn't contain the proper files, resulting in an unfinished error code that actually referenced diskettes. Simply getting the game set up took more than a day -- that's with breaks for severe frustration, reboots and drive cleaning. Finally, because of the volume of disc read errors I was getting, I swapped out my DVD drive. Never mind that it's been fine for every other disc I've thrown at it for two years. Never mind that such a tactic isn't even near the list of acceptable workarounds for a mass-release product like this. More errors, then success ? and then there were issues with authenticating the disc and starting the game. Once installed, configuring the visual settings took a time and compromise. And with that done, the game would still simply crash or fail to load occasionally.

It's enough to make an old PC gamer renew his vows to the 360. If this weren't a work situation, it would have been enough to send the package right back to the store. Despite the tremendous game within, that's the reason for the "Try It" rating. Scanning message boards and talking to other players, I see people who didn't have the problems I had, and people who had other issues.

As much as I admire and enjoy GTA IV, replaying it on the PC was wrapped in severe frustration. Yes, most of these problems can be patched and fixed, and I'd be shocked if Rockstar hadn't addressed most of them within weeks. I'd be very happy to re-evaluate this edition in the new year, but until then one of the best games of 2008 will be stained by this bad experience.

This review is based on a retail copy of the game purchased by the reviewer.