Tomb Raider Underworld (Xbox 360)

Attack of the bare midriff.
11/28/2008 1:11 PM | 1 Comments | Page 2 of 3

Lara then discovers a floating batting glove. When she reaches out to touch the batting glove, it disintegrates, and reveals a tiny electric hand-bracelet-thing. Just as she dons the bracelet -- incoming déjà vu, people! -- a band of mercenary types show up, pulling the old "hand it over" routine. They give her a knock on her head and make off with the hand-bracelet. When Lara comes to, she chases after them. She drives her expensive motorboat and furrows her brow. Then she boards their merc-like tanker, and begins to shoot everyone. And she does all of this -- no kidding -- in her bare feet.

Some "friends" rear their ugly heads in Underworld, including Natla from the original game, as well as Amanda Evert, Lara's colleague who is still cheesed at Lara for abandoning her in Peru. (Get over it, lady.) And locations include Southern Mexico, Coastal Thailand and the Mediterranean. Though Crystal Dynamics does toss in a snow level at the end, most of the game is set in the typical, visually static jungle environments. Man, if I never see another pixilated fern again, it'll be too soon. I don't know where Lara needs to go next -- The city? Rural England? -- but the series desperately needs some visual variety.

The series' rotten controls are also becoming harder and harder to take. Lara bounds around like Kerri Strug one minute; and then she seems to trip over her own feet, stumbling around like a sterno-bum, before plummeting to an awkward death in the next minute. There are far, far too many I-didn't-mean-to-do-that moments. The hinky controls make it very difficult to build up any gameplay momentum; whatever disbelief you've suspended plummets to its death alongside Lara.

The game's pacing and puzzles also hamper gameplay momentum. Example: About halfway through the game, while trying to solve one of the game's umpteen pressure plate puzzles, I was hauling a big rock around some catacombs. Lara walks ... very ... slowly ... while carrying the big rock. So I walked. And walked. And walked. My girlfriend happened to be sitting with me as I carried my rock around. I said to her, "If spiders attack me now, I will seriously lose it." Sure enough, as I rounded the next corner, spiders attacked me. I had to 1. Set down the rock, 2. Pull all the spiders off me and shoot them, and 3. Pick up my rock and continue on my merry way. It was in these moments when I began to wonder if there might be something good on C-Span.

But far more unforgiveable are the draconian time limits the developers have placed on many of the game's puzzles. Example: After much experimentation and exploration, I finally resolved one of the game's set-piece puzzles. My reward: A 30-second-long cut scene of a massive temple opening, complete with fire-breathing stone dragons and dramatic music. Knowing that the gate was now open -- which required nearly an hour's worth of game work -- I sped to the temple's entrance on my motorcycle. When I arrived, I found something disturbing: The entrance had closed. Baffled as to what had happened, I consulted the strategy guide (which Eidos wisely shipped to me with the game). The temple, apparently, only opens for a set amount of time, and only by driving like hell to get there, and carefully circumventing the various death pits filled with spikes along the roadway, would I be able to enter the temple.