Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Jedi Alliance (DS)

The Force ain't so strong with this one.
11/12/2008 8:17 PM | 0 Comments | Page 1 of 3

Videogame reviews are not here for your entertainment. They are not here to amuse you like Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas." They are here to tell you whether a game is good or bad; whether you should, as Crispy Gamer puts it, "Buy It," "Try It," or "Fry It."

So let's cut to the chase: Star Wars: The Clone Wars: Jedi Alliance is bad. It's not an affront to nature; playing it won't make you go blind -- it's just a so-so game made even more infuriating because of bad controls that give you no, well, control. It could've been good, and it's not.

If I sound a bit bitter about it, well, I am. I love Star Wars and by extension, Star Wars videogames (and Star Wars comic books, Star Wars cartoons and even weird Japanese Star Wars action figures with stylishly large hands, feet and heads). Jedi Alliance is based on the animated series, "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," currently airing on the Cartoon Network, Friday nights at 9 p.m. It's not only set in the same era, but it also has the same stylized look, and features the same voice cast.

As you'd expect from watching the show, or the "Clone Wars" movie that just came out on DVD, the story is told like it's some galactic newsreel footage. (Because everyone who likes Star Wars remembers newsreel footage from the second World War.) When a Republic spaceship transporting the crystals used to make lightsabers is attacked by Separatists, it's up to the Jedis to find out what happened and who is responsible. So the Jedi Council dispatch two of their finest to the scene, and you decide which duo will go: Will it be elder statesmen Mace Windu and Plo Koon, war veterans Obi-Wan Kenobi and Kit Fisto, or Anakin Skywalker and his spunky but still green Padawan, Ahsoka Tano? Or another combo of your choosing, such as Ahsoka and her pal Plo, or Mace and Obi-Wan?

Thus we come to the central idea of Jedi Alliance, that two Jedi are better than one -- though apparently not much better, since the game doesn't do much with this idea. Once you've chosen which Jedi to play, you then pick a sidekick to accompany you on this mission. While there are some areas only accessible if you have the right pairing of Jedi, and you can help a fellow Jedi by tapping on the enemy they're fighting, you're otherwise left to your own devices. And once you've chosen your lead Jedi, you're stuck with them; there's no switching between characters like in most other games that have two characters working together.

This is a mere inconvenience and a wasted opportunity, but hardly the biggest problem with Jedi Alliance. That would be that you're forced (no pun intended) to use the touch-screen, even though you could just as easily -- scratch that -- even though it would be far easier to play this with the buttons and directional pad. I know Jedi live by a strict code, but making them use the touch-screen without an option to use the buttons seems like something a Sith would do. And even then, only a Sith who's being a jerk.