Wii Music (Wii)

Nintendo hits a sour note with its musical extravaganza.
10/20/2008 4:09 PM | 4 Comments | Page 3 of 4

Sure, anyone who got the Wii as a summer birthday present or picked one up at Costco in hopes that they might be able to resell it for a profit on eBay this Christmas might wonder what all the complaining is about. They might find a Muppet-like charm in the tutorial antics of Sebastian Tute (yes, to add preschool insult to injury, Nintendo actually named the characters in this game after farting sounds). It's within the realm of possibility that someone might marvel at the novelty of music game that actually could teach you a thing about pitch or tempo. On some off chance, someone might enjoy the ability to save musical performances as videos that you can slip into a virtual case of your own design and share with -- well, let's be honest, who really cares about your pre-packed Wii Music performance? But, hey! You can do it, and that must mean something.

To make any sense out of this, you only have to look back to FantaVision. Long forgotten, and for good reason, this game was a PlayStation 2 launch title that combined pattern matching with fireworks. Pretty dull, but pretty. A tech demo whored up for the public, and everyone was happy to treat it as such. FantaVision was a novelty as much as Wii Music was when the Wii launched. At E3 in 2006, we all ooh'ed and aah'ed at the idea of a game in which waving a Wii controller around would conduct an orchestra. At the time, Miyamoto's dramatic gesticulation in front of the E3 crowd had "demo" written all over it, and it was cool, spectacular -- like fireworks. Because demos are supposed to promise the moon, it was a flawless performance. And if Wii Music had launched early, we would have forgiven its many flaws as the result of dreaming too big, of optimism inflated to the degree that it popped the bubble of possibility. If Wii Music would have launched anywhere near the release of the Wii, we would have happily FantaVisioned out on its lameness.

Instead, Nintendo had to wait. And like that perfect first date where nothing matters, not the stain on his shirt or her annoying laugh, the threat of venereal disease or lifetime of domestic abuse, where you can get away on promise and not expect anyone to think things through, Nintendo could have looked into our eyes and made Music something special. Rather, in that rare twilight of a relationship where everything is perfect, the first days when impressions are made, Nintendo chose not to release its half-baked music talent. No, instead of accepting Wii Music as a neat idea that wouldn't carry a full game, the big N really thought it had bottled magic and held it out 'til after the honeymoon. And, boy, did that look ugly in the morning.

I know, some people will say that this game was not meant to appeal to the hardcore and that kids will enjoy the hell out of it. To which I say this: I am not a hardcore gamer, it wasn't fun, and I tried it out on a quartet of kids. My experience was that what you can expect with kids is: eight minutes of curious enjoyment, followed by eight minutes of bitter argument over who gets to play what instrument, followed by three minutes of godawful noise, followed by a mutual agreement to play Super Smash Bros. Brawl.