Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo's Dungeon (Wii)
alt="Chocobo in armor"/>Ain't he cute: Chocobo's grit on the grid.
Oh, god, oh, god, oh, god. Another dang dungeon crawler -- and a sweet-as-guava-nectar one at that? I know what you're thinking because I pray it every night: "Dear Sweet Father of Mario, and Cid Even, Protect Us From Undue Repetition in Games. Lead Us Not Into Dungeons We've Crawled Before. And Deliver Us From Drivel. Amen."
Yet there's something different about Final Fantasy Fables: Chocobo's Dungeon for the Wii, and perhaps it has a little bit to do with its unrelenting cuteness.
First, to a grim hell full of hooked spikes placed strategically in the butt to the drone at Game Informer who gave it a bad score. Sure, the game has its issues, which I'll get to, but the cheery surprise is this: Chocobo, the oversized chicken, is so adorable, you want to play as poultry. Heck, this proud young bird who hasn't leveled up is so needy-looking, I'd protect him from a drooling Colonel Sanders and Frank Perdue with my very life. (Honestly, I'm surprised Square doesn't put him in a platformer.)
alt="Chocobo at home"/>Yet because the game's E10+-rated, and because this fowl has those googly, popping Chocobo eyes, I expected to zip through what I first considered to be child-poop of the smelliest kind in a matter of hours. It took me a lot longer than that, and I expect it will for you, as well. For if you're not strategizing like a young Clay Felker on deadline day at New York, you iz big-time dead, Pogo. Step into battle incorrectly and it's, "We have met the enemy and he is us."
The opening of the game is a mixed blessing, kind of an amalgam of the kid who tells a joke a tad wrong and an old-ass adult who tells the story over and over. The first thing you see is a montage of every plot point in the game (including a baby that looks like Little Green Sprout, the Jolly Green Giant's spritely prot?g?, and a disturbing scene that looks like illegal sex but is really a moment of tender comfort). Then, in the opening credits, you see the same thing, only longer. I mean, the movie and montage are fine cinematically, but it looks like Square is complimenting itself before there's any reason to do so.
alt="Chocobo on fire"/>Bosses like their chicken grilled and well-done.
So Cid and Chocobo as treasure hunters are rolling through the desert, minding their own business. Suddenly, they find themselves in the territory of Memoria in a town called Lostime. In the town square, there's long-winded, badly-synced dialogue on the part of the town's mayor, a portly, double-chinned "Wizard of Oz"-looking fellow who spews some dangerous but significant rhetoric. "If we forget about it, we never needed it ? Forgetting everything is the key to the future" -- which, if you think about it, sounds like the Bush Administration's mantra for governing. Lostime's mayor's comment is pretty darn Orwellian-subversive in an "Animal Farm" and "1984" kind of way.
And that's what makes Chocobo's Dungeon that rare game that can be appreciated by kids and adults alike: Like the fear of technology within the love story in "Wall-E", it works on a gee-that's-f'in'-smart and an oh-see-the-funny-anthopomorph level.
alt="The tower"/>When the tower chimes, it steals your memory. Wait, what's a memory?
Yes, dungeon crawler stalwarts will be annoyed at the first tutorial, which tells you how to make your way through a grid system in ever-morphing dungeons (? la Pok?mon Mystery Dungeon, if you trek through more than once, they'll change on you). But, look, kids gotta learn, too, and the tutorial even gives you a handy strategy tip or two along the way, like fight in a thin hallway when you have two or more foes to deal with (so that you fight one at a time).
One of the things I don't like about the game is the fact that the writer/designers don't know how to deal with cinematics. For instance, when a meteor comes down on Lostime, the characters say something like, "Look, there's a meteor." I mean, Spielberg said movies are supposed to move. Such moments don't move because the dialogue is impinging upon the visuals, making the words and the scene redundant. Just shut up and get out of the way, characters.
But that's no meteor, folks. It's some sort of egg holding the aforementioned Sprout, actually, an emerald-pated rugrat named Raffaello. Dude may look like something from a can of peas, but he's in town for a reason. He (and Chocobo) are going to defy the authorities and help the folks in the hamlet recall their memories, their true feelings and their names. That's no mean feat, because when the bell tolls in the clock tower, it doesn't just ring -- it tolls for peoples' memories.
alt="Changing dungeon"/>Dang dungeons change every time you go through them.
Mechanically, Chocobo's Dungeon works in two or three ways as well. Play it with the Wii remote (horizontally or vertically) or with the old-school button and d-pad controller attached to the Wii remote. As if they came from the mind of Freud, the dungeons themselves are actually made from the memories of the townsfolk. It's your job to walk through these ever-morphing dungeons to find a shard of recollection for someone who's forgotten everything from his keys to his childhood or his job. Once you capture and reinstate a work memory, you can take the job for yourself.
You'll have a map showing you where the memories are, and reinstating them is what makes up your missions. As you fight monsters guarding memories, you get Gil -- money to get items and powers in Shops. You can go fishing too, and your catch can be exchanged in the shop. If you're feeling manly, head to the Forge to sharpen your equipment or fuse pieces together to make weapons. You'll even get letters in your mailbox from the forgetful folks in Lostime. You'll never die in the game, but you will faint or collapse when you've been attacked too many times. Do that and you'll lose all the little treasures you've amassed in the level, but not your job or experience points.
The magic in the game is pretty cool, too. They increase you abilities, sure. But they also let you go "Yo" to monsters who'll help you out in battle (You can only get these magicites after you've killed a giant boss monster). Sometimes, you'll even find a shop within a dungeon. But stepping into a dungeon trap as you move along on the grid can warp you to a claustrophobic area where the monster is Hulk-strong and hard to defeat. Just watch the floors as you move. Traps include steam heat, humidity that rusts your equipment, and a washtub that drops on your head, leaving you dazed and confused. There's a lot here, to say the least.
While Chocobo's Dungeon isn't the perfect crawler (everything from long load times to bad dialogue are annoying), the idea of restoring memories with Chocobo and his compelling pals is one that's different enough to keep the most experienced of role-playing games fans interested. Now, if I could only summon Raf and Chocobo when I've misplaced my keys or forgotten the names of business associates.
This review was based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.
