Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots (PS3)
Four boss battles and a wedding
6/16/2008 6:13 PM | 5 Comments | Page 1 of 3
What's Hot: Fans will eat it up; Some impressive gunplay
What's Not: Long cinematics; Incomprehensible storyline; Not enough gameplay
If you're a Metal Gear Solid fan, this review is not for you. Frankly, you don't need a review.
Metal Gear Solid 4 is between you, Hideo Kojima and whatever bond the two of you have formed over the last 20 years of Metal Gear games. I might as well come to your house, root around in your shoebox of old love letters, and comment on their grammar, punctuation, imagery and literary merit.
"Did I tell you about the Shadow Moses incident? Do you have a couple of hours?"
Instead, this review is for everyone else. It's partly for those who, like me, dabbled in the previous games. It's mostly for those who might have had their interest piqued by the marketing or who fell for the "tactical espionage action" tagline on the box (only one of the three is true, and only occasionally). For you, I cannot stress enough that this is a terrible, terrible game.
There are two parts to a Metal Gear: the gameplay and the cut scenes. Over progressive titles, those parts have come unglued from each other, and it's obvious where developer Hideo Kojima's heart is. In
Metal Gear Solid 4, gameplay and cut scenes have finally reversed their traditional roles of substance and filler. If you don't count having to replay the parts where you'll invariably get stuck, there's more here to watch than there is to play.
"And that's when me and Otocon discovered the true identity of Revolver Ocelot. Have I told you the story of Revolver Ocelot yet?"
This might not be so bad if you were watching something interesting, or even comprehensible. Instead, you're watching an indulgent series finale that exhaustively reiterates details and piles nonsensical twist on top of nonsensical twist. Without a degree in Metal Gear Solidology, you will be hopelessly lost, and by the time it's over, you will have long since ceased to care.
You will endure literally hours of glacially paced G.I. Emo. There are pointless one-, two- or even three-second pauses between lines. Characters grunt and pace and look at each other and sit and think and grunt again and pace some more. Someone even gets cancer before it's over.
Metal Gear Solid 4 is an example of videogame narrative at its absolute worst: juvenile, absurd, tedious and self-important. Many games might survive two or even three of these, but all four are deadly.
"Hey, I wonder if those guys know about the nanomachines. Maybe if they have a few hours for their lunch break, I can tell them about the nanomachines."
Kojima references child soldiers, post-traumatic stress disorder, the neoconservative movement, gun control, electronic battlefields, military contractors and the economics of war. Recurring eggs and apples touch on Immaculate Conception and Original Sin. Various characters go through mommy and daddy issues. Without fail they all have bad haircuts. And in the end,
Metal Gear Solid 4 fails to make any meaningful point beyond that the military-industrial complex is bad. In other words, old news. Eisenhower already mentioned this when he stepped out of office 50 years ago.
