Maybe I'm revealing a masochistic underbelly by admitting this, but I actually enjoyed Ninja Gaiden (a.k.a. Ninja Gaiden: Black and Ninja Gaiden: Sigma). You can't argue the fact that it's a very pretty piece of code. The graphics are outstanding even by today's standards.

The game's greatest flaw, without a doubt, was its obscene difficulty level. It's a cruel, borderline abusive game. (See for yourself; Black, in all of its cold-hearted glory, is available for download via Xbox Live under the Xbox Originals tab.)

In short, playing Ninja Gaiden was not a pleasant experience.

Nevertheless, I felt a sense of pride in overcoming the game's near-impossible challenges. That pride, I'm guessing, is what kept the controller in my hand through the game's final frustrating, completely nonsensical confrontation.

I wondered if that cold, black heart would beat at the core of the portable take on the game, and beyond that, wondered if it would give me that same sense of pride that the console versions had.

The black heart indeed makes a return. If you see someone riding a city bus with a DS in their lap, frantically scratching at the touch-screen while involuntarily shouting epithets like a Tourette's Syndrome sufferer, you can bet cash money that they are playing Dragon Sword.

In a stroke of genius -- with the emphasis placed squarely on the word "stroke" -- Team Ninja, the game's makers, have decided to turn the DS stylus into the Dragon Sword itself. Similar to combat in The Phantom Hourglass, you use the stylus to input your strikes on enemies. Dragging the stylus right to left, left to right, down to up, etc., results in Ryu Hayabusa, the game's black-clad ninja protagonist, darting across the screen at your command and doling out death-blows.

The touch-screen-centric swordplay worked fine in The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass, but it doesn't work well -- or at all, really -- here. The problem is, swordplay was only one element of Hourglass, but in Dragon Sword, it's the sole star of the show.

Without the other elements, like a rock-steady narrative, engaging characters, solid puzzles, massive worlds to traverse, etc. -- all of which are part of the Hourglass experience -- the touch-screen swordplay itself is simply not enough to build an entire game around.

I won many fights in Dragon Sword, and I lost many fights, and most of the time it was not even remotely clear why or how I achieved either result.

I scratched like mad at the touch-screen, and Ryu raced hither and thither, kicking much ass/taking many names; other times, I scratched like mad, and somehow found myself surrounded, pounded, and finally killed.

To illustrate the randomness of the gameplay, I offer this brief anecdote: While playing the game, my cell phone rang. I answered the cell with one hand, and without missing a beat, continued to scratch away at the touch-screen with the other. I had an entire conversation with my mother (hi mom!), giving very little attention to the game, and still I managed to wipe out an entire horde of demons.

It was at this point that Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword and I began to part ways.

Beyond the randomness of the controls, what's worse still is the fact that the random controls breed apathy, disinterest, and finally -- and worst of all -- bitter resentment. I began to downright despise Dragon Sword, since very little of what was happening in the game seemed to have anything to do with me.

As a Ninja Gaiden veteran, I never expected Dragon Sword to be a pleasant experience -- but I never expected it to be unpleasant for these reasons and in these ways. I felt no pride whatsoever in my victories and only felt shame in my defeats.

This time, Team Ninja, it is me, and not your game, that has the cold heart.

Verdict: Fried.

This review was based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.