Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed (Wii)

Big Willy's willy isn't big enough to save a series in need over an overhaul.
3/24/2008 12:00 AM | 0 Comments | Page 2 of 3

Here's exactly why. Big Willy, a 25-foot-tall mech that's also the mascot for Crypto's boss Pox's fast food chain, isn't that new of an idea. I mean, didn't we see a giant fast food mascot running after Homer in EA's The Simpsons game recently? He wasn't a mech, but the Bob's Big Boy mascot-imitation was indeed transmogrified. Yes, once Crypto climbs into the back of Big Willy to control him, he uses telephone poles as weapons and eats cars for breakfast -- cool in a Godzilla kind of way. But one big Big Willy feature is grosser than anything Mike Judge thought up in "Beavis and Butt-head." That's because Mike Judge knew his limits. A farting Shrek was kind of funny in a game, as is a farting Big Willy, but puking in a game (called the Regurge A Tron) makes me want to hurl, just like every time someone blew chunks in my elementary school. The Rule of Hurl: You see someone hurl and you are forced to do the same yourself. It's a chain reaction. Puking should not be the big featured weapon in a game. Tasteless, I can handle. Tasteless, I can like. But bodily-function grossness -- that makes me want to put down the game.

The plot itself is derivative: Pox's Big Willy eatery franchise has a mystery meat made of, oh, you can figure it out -- but they must have seen "Soylent Green" for inspiration. Colonel Kluckin' (it would be really funny if the Colonel had colon problems) wants to be the big franchise in the country and he'll stop at nothing to swiftboat Pox's chain of restaurants. See, corporate greed, even if it were written by Jon Stewart's writers, just isn't enough of a plot to sustain a humorous movie, let alone a game that can last 10 hours or more without the side-missions.

It'll take a while to truly master the Wii controls, probably about a half hour of play, all told. Yes, it's fairly easy to lift and throw cars and to pilot Big Willy, but the Wii remote is used to control the camera, and the camera tends to go wild and reckless. The latest weapons are just OK, but Crypto does have a choice of one pretty amazing idea that works well in implementation: Crypto's zombie gun, which turns all humans into the undead. Once these undead attack other humans, they become zombies, too. As for Big Willy, the coolest way to recharge this mech isn't by goosing him with a lightning ray. It's by having him pop a few humans down his maw as if they were Orville Reddenbacher's best. That's fun -- but not enough of Big Willy Unleashed is full of these Wow moments.

There's nothing special about the multiplayer aspect of this Wii offering: It's just you and an opponent shooting each other with rays and other weapons in two missions. Sadly, multiplayer must have been either a postscript or something the designers couldn't implement fully before deadline. Guys, do the Punk Era next time, and take the time to do it right. If you haven't played a Destroy All Humans! game, or if you have been yearning to play the new version, try it. For those expecting a lot because of the general likeability of the previous clever games in the series: fry it.