If you don't enjoy JRPGs, let me assure you that the two or three minutes it would take you to read this review would be better spent doing something else like making a sandwich or petting a kitten, because no matter how much I praise Lost Odyssey for its rich story or intensely beautiful graphics, you're not going to want to play it. Trust me. Everything you hate about JRPGs, it does, and then some, so just go amuse yourself for a few minutes while I talk to these other folks, ok? Thanks.

Lost Odyssey is the latest grandiose RPG from Mistwalker Studios, the folks who brought you Blue Dragon and, in a previous life, the Final Fantasy games. The lineage shows in Lost Odyssey's artistry, its scope, and above all, its adherence to certain well-worn tenets of the Japanese RPG tradition. The women are pretty, the men are prettier, and lots of people carry alarmingly large swords. Though it never strays terribly far from the path laid down by its forebears, Lost Odyssey wanders just far enough away to keep from being stale and to prevent you from ever being too comfortable.

Most JRPGs, for example, ease you gently into the action, slowly spinning out a tale about good versus evil, or how our young and plucky hero is suffering from an unfortunate bout of amnesia. Lost Odyssey says "eff that" and begins with a spectacular and exciting opening sequence that drops you smack into the middle of an all-out war. You have just enough time to figure out whose side you're on before you're thrust into your first turn-based fight of the game, hacking your way through a number of magic soldiers. Five minutes after you start Lost Odyssey, you're in a boss battle. How hot is that?

As it turns out, our hero Kaim does indeed have amnesia, which may or may not be a side effect of his being immortal. His uncanny ability to stay alive makes him the perfect person to investigate the potentially dangerous Grand Staff, which seems to be leaking magic energy, a force used much like steam power to fuel the magic-industrial revolution and run everything from taxis to machines of war.

Kaim is just one of the immortals that are playable characters in the game, but don't get too excited. Despite the fact that their long life is a major plot point, they can all take damage in battle and will die if you're a bit too slow with the healing spell. No, it doesn't make any sense. Just try to roll with it.

You can mix and match the various mortals and immortals that join your party to make the fierce five that you'll actually take with you into battle. Choose wisely. The fights in Lost Odyssey are delightfully difficult, and falling back on the usual stock of moves and strategies you've used in countless other JRPGs will more than likely get you killed. Favoring physical attacks over magic, or vice versa, won't work -- you need to strike a balance between the two in most fights. Almost every enemy you meet from the very first moments of the game has the ability to cause enormous amounts of damage, bringing more immediacy to the combat then you'll usually find in a turn-based game.

All of the characters can equip rings that boost the effectiveness of physical attacks, by adding elemental effects or perhaps simply doling extra damage to specific kinds of enemies. Different rings produce different effects, and new ones can be made from material you find throughout your travels. When a ring-wearing character begins an attack, an outer ring begins shrinking to meet the target ring around the enemy. Press and release the R trigger when the rings line up and you'll score a "Perfect" and deliver a more powerful hit. You can still get the effect of the ring with just a "Good" ranking, but if you're timing's "Bad," you might miss altogether.

The intent is probably to make the combat a bit more exciting for players than simply sitting back and hitting a button, but the result is little more than a gimmick. It certainly doesn't hurt the flow of the fight, but it doesn't really make it any more involving, either.

The combat of Lost Odyssey is broken up with long, sprawling segments of story, and this is where, unfortunately, it will lose less patient players. Hours will be spent talking to people in towns, engaging in fetch quests, reliving moments from Kaim's long life as he slowly recalls bits of his past through dreams, and untangling the complex threads of the plot. Narcoleptic turtles with bum legs move faster than the story of this game, and yet at no point is it ever dull or plodding. The events that take place may be small or have little bearing on the main action of the game, but that makes them no less meaningful or moving.

The story elements of the game wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable were it not for the amazing job done by Lost Odyssey's localization team. The writing is simply fantastic, especially during Kaim's memory sequences, and the voice acting, for the most part, does it justice. It's a rare treat to find yourself looking forward to cut scenes instead of dreading them. I have no idea if it's possible to skip the cinematics of Lost Odyssey -- I've never wanted to try.

Lost Odyssey is not a game for the impatient. It's incredibly slow-paced and requires a serious time commitment from the player before even the tiniest dent has been made in the game's mechanics, appeal or storyline. Those who stick with it will appreciate the textured story, the stunning visuals and the clever writing, but anyone looking for a nonstop action-fest will be sorely disappointed.

This review is based on a retail copy of the game purchased by Crispy Gamer.