It's not enough for Homer, Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie to simply star in a video game. In this umpteenth attempt at making a Simpsons-centric game -- some were good, some were bad, some were really, really ugly (I'm looking at you, The Simpsons Wrestling) -- the Family Simpson must also know that they're starring in a videogame.

That's right: The most self-aware show on television gets an appropriately self-aware game. Within the first 10 minutes of gameplay, Homer and Bart stumble upon a videogame manual that is identical to the manual that comes packaged with the game, complete with the EA Games logo on the back cover.

By reading the manual, the family realizes that they possess superpowers, like Homer's "Homer Ball," Maggie's "Hand of Buddha" and Bart's "Bartman." The family roams Springfield in pairs. Characters can be swapped out at the town's bus stops, but for the most part, you can generally only use two characters at a time (though a few later levels do utilize all four.) Flashing pillars of light à la Grand Theft Auto III guide you to your destinations. Step into the light, and voila, the game's next mission begins.

The Simpsons Game does a great job of recreating a virtual Springfield, complete with familiar landmarks like Duff Brewery, Apu's Quik-E-Mart, and even the Simpson family home. Fans of the show will likely get a kick out of simply wandering the streets and listening to the NPCs (non-playable characters) chatter.

The game's narrative consists of a series of discrete missions. Example: Lisa takes down one of Mr. Burns' environment-ravaging sawmills. Marge organizes an angry mob to protest the release of a violent videogame called Grand Theft Scratchy. Homer participates in an eating contest at Duff Brewery.

Sounds like fun, right? Well, it's not. Gameplay is standard-issue third-person action, complete with all the flaws of the genre, including sticky jump mechanics and a fussy, uncooperative camera that always seems to be showing you exactly what you don't want to see. Beyond that, whatever fun I might have had with this game is further besmirched by ambiguous mission objectives resulting in some of the most frustrating try-and-die gameplay I've experienced in years.

Example: the aforementioned eating contest (the game calls it "Around the World In 80 Bites"). I was dropped, as Homer, into an arena with a half-dozen other characters. These characters were running around, grabbing food on the ground, and eating it as fast as possible. Unsure as to what to do, I followed suit and did the same. A timer on the upper right-hand corner of the screen soon expired. Nelson appeared on the screen, delivered his infamous "HA-ha," then informed me that I sucked.

I tried a second time, this time transforming myself into Homer Ball (R2 button), and wreaking havoc on the arena, smashing up caf&eacure; tables and KO'ing my opponents. Time soon expired yet again. Once again, I got the "HA-ha." Once again, I sucked.

Fast-forward through another 10 minutes of experimentation, and I finally figured out that I had to turn into Homer Ball, head up a ramp, and rocket Homer Ball across a gap and over a wall into another discrete arena.

Now, I've got nearly 30 years of gaming experience on my resume, and if I can't figure out where to go and what to do, lord help the more casual Simpsons fan who picks up the game hoping for a few chuckles over a lazy weekend.

Of course, this wasn't the only time the game gave me a case of red-ass.

While battling Lard Lad, the show's iconic donut-wielding statue, I used Bart's slingshot to open up a secret hatch in his back, revealing a weak point. I climbed inside said weak-point, pressed the triangle button when prompted, and did damage to Lard Boy. Lard Boy and I were off to a promising start.

But then, as all levels in The Simpsons Game seem to do, this one took a turn. The game informed me that I had to target a second weak point on Lard Boy's back. OK, no problem. I peppered it with my slingshot. A second hatch opened. But this hatch was located higher up on his back. Which meant I couldn't simply double-jump up to grab it, as I'd done with the first hatch. So, I had to hit him, open the hatch, then hope that I was positioned high enough to perform a Bartman glide over to it -- and I had to do this within the 15 to 20 seconds or so before the hatch slammed shut, and I'd have to repeat the process all over again.

It was at this point that my next-door neighbors called to make sure I was not being murdered in my apartment.

Never have I tried so hard to like a game, tried so hard to enjoy a game, only to feel slapped in the face again and again.

The game's designers have found a way to justify these suspect design choices by having Comic Book Guy pop up onscreen to point out any videogame clich?s that I encountered. Exploding barrels, pressure pads, and in the case of Lard Boy, an obvious weak point on an enemy all resulted in appearances by Comic Book Guy.

Funny? Sure, in that self-referential Simpsons way.

But fun? Not even close.

The designers want me to see the limitations of the game as funny, clever observations on the limitations of the medium. Instead of finding a work-around for these clich?s, or coming up with novel gameplay ideas, The Simpsons Game decides to celebrate them.

And this is the game's fatal flaw.

The Simpsons Game does feature plenty of insider references to videogames. When Lisa has to cross a river, suddenly logs and crocodiles appear. In another level, a Donkey Kong-esque ape kidnaps Professor Frink, and I had to make my way through several Mario-like warp pipes in order to save him. And I had to do it all while enduring attacks from Ryu-like "street fighters" and Madden football players.

But getting to experience these clever references -- there's even a very sly DOOM nod (listen for it) -- you'd have to be either a rabid, seen-every-episode Simpsons fan or a borderline masochist.

Verdict: Torched.

This review was based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.