Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem (PSP)

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As everyone hopefully is aware by now, the original 'Alien vs. Predator' movie was inspired by a series of videogames that were, in turn, inspired by a series of graphic novels. So it's no surprise that the second 'AvP' movie, 'Requiem,' would come with a videogame tie-in, a third-person action game for the PSP that was developed by Rebellion (who did the original AvP first-person shooter in 1999) and published by Sierra.

What is surprising is that it makes for such a sub-par movie-tie in. And yes, we realize that normally saying a movie tie-in game is 'sub-par' would be redundant, but in this case, it sadly isn't. This one is so pointless and uninspired that you'd have more fun being chased by aliens, Predators, Klingons, Tribbles and Arnold Schwarzenegger than you will playing this misfire.

In the game, you play as a Predator, let's call him Frederico, who's on Earth to hunt down aliens who've come to America illegally. But Frederico isn't just here to kill the critters before they steal jobs Americans don't want, he has to find and destroy all evidence of their trip, be it parts of their crashed spaceship or humans who've seen them or him.

Sounds simple enough, right? If only. The controls make this especially tricky: While you use the thumbstick to move, you use the shoulder buttons to look left or right, which is just about the most irritating thing since poorly sliced bread. It not only is counterintuitive and makes it hard to shoot anything with any accuracy, but the shoulder buttons are so sensitive that, in the heat of battle, you'll end up just spinning around and around until you get sick.

The irony is that, were it not for the controls, the game would be frustratingly easy. Granted, Predators should be able to dispatch humans without much effort; heck, one of them almost took out that commando from the future who now is California's governor, after all. But the game seems to be set in a town where everyone is a really bad shot, and thus only loads their guns with rubber bullets, just to be safe.

Then there are the aliens, any of whom should, on their own, be able to hold their own against a Predator. Well, at least they could in the original Alien vs. Predator games. And in the movies. And the comic books. But not, apparently, in this game, where they're about as scary as a teddy bear...with a missing leg and a fluff deficiency. Though they run after you when they see you, once they get within striking distance, they usually just stand there. It's like they've lost the will to live and are just waiting for you to lop off their heads. Sure, they struggle a little, clawing at you like a cat, but it seems like they're only doing that so you'll get annoyed and kill them quicker, sending them to Sto-Vo-Kor or Mexico or wherever aliens go when they die.

This is especially frustrating for Frederico, who made sure to bring all the standard Predator equipment -- including three types of vision-enhancing contact lenses and his stealth camouflage underwear -- only to find that he doesn't really need any of it and could've instead used the space to pack a picture of his wife, Morgan Fairchild.