When was the last time a pair of videogame protagonists displayed such authentic examples of male-pattern baldness? In a medium that tends to star muscle-bound supermen with every silky strand of their hair intact, spending 10 to 12 hours looking at Kane's yarmulke-size bald spot and Lynch's mullet/receding hairline combo is a breath of fresh hair.

I meant "air." Whoops.

After an action-packed opening involving Lynch orchestrating a jail break -- he and Kane escape from a prison transport van en route to Death Row -- we learn that Kane once double-crossed a syndicate of criminal masterminds called The7. These guys are apparently such no-nonsense hard-asses that they don't even need the space between "The" and "7."

Kane, wearing a nose bandage that's straight out of Roman Polanski's 'Chinatown,' apparently took something that belongs to The7. They've hired Lynch and his trusty mullet to break Kane out of jail so he can retrieve it for them. Just in case Kane doesn't want to cooperate, The7 is also holding Kane's estranged wife and daughter hostage to, you know, inspire him.

Lynch is supposed to be Kane's watchdog, but it's clear that Kane is the smarter, not to mention the more stable, of the pair.

Using a control scheme that's nearly identical to IO Interactive's grossly underrated Freedom Fighters (haven't played it? You should right that wrong A.S.A.P.), Kane can order/boss Lynch around. Point to an area up ahead with the aiming reticle, issue a "Move in" command, and Lynch will trot to that location and defend it.

You'll eventually pick up more squad members along the way, bringing your squad size up to four. Whereas Freedom Fighters used a Soviet-occupied Manhattan as its backdrop, Kane & Lynch offers grittier and more varied environs. From Tokyo nightclubs to Havana airstrips to sun-baked prison yards, you'll need to run-and-gun your way through hordes of anonymous henchmen in your quest to find The7 and rescue your daughter and wife.

The idea here, as it was in Freedom Fighters, is to let your squad do all the dirty work. See a dangerous-looking area up ahead? Send your squad in first and let them have a look around while you hang back. If your squad members get "killed," first-aid icons will appear above their heads. Hustle over to them, give them a quick shot of adrenaline, and they'll be back on their feet and fighting again.

By sheer luck your squad might take out the occasional enemy, but for the most part, they shoot about as well as rummed-up, eye-patch-wearing chimps would. Since that's the case, your squad functions best as bait for sussing out where enemies are located. While your squad draws the enemies' attention and gunfire, you can quietly find a safe vantage point and quickly and efficiently pick off enemy soldiers.

It's certainly not the most realistic gameplay mechanic in the history of squad-based videogames, but there's something about it that makes me feel both smart and heroic: smart because I've done some crude battlefield orchestrating; heroic because while my squad is off drawing enemy fire, I'm busy sneaking around behind the bad guys and doing the actual killing.

And yes, this mechanic is just as satisfying in Kane & Lynch as it was in Freedom Fighters.

Naturally, Lynch is not content with his newfound backseat status during missions. Whenever Kane gives him orders, Lynch spits back, "F*&# you" before carrying them out.

These details -- along with the aforementioned male-pattern baldness -- give Kane & Lynch its air of authenticity. These are two of the most convincing characters I've come across in all my years of gaming, and an important part of what makes them authentic to me is IO Interactive's willingness to let us see them not only during their moments of glory -- shooting down an attack helicopter, or taking out RPG-wielding soldiers while manning the turret in the back of a moving jeep -- but also at times when they are low, pathetic and decidedly less than heroic.

(Warning: Minor spoilers ahead.) They break into a bank...only to find that what they need is not there. They try to kidnap an associate's daughter...only to have her escape, forcing the two of them to backtrack and kidnap her a second time. And best of all, as they are fleeing the police, their shot-to-hell van stalls out. On foot, just off the highway, Kane and Lynch have to fend off the encroaching cops while the van creeps along at about one mile an hour. Their objective: to stay alive and preserve the van until the driver can get it into gear again.

I laughed during these moments, mostly in disbelief (though I admit to howling in frustration when I realized that I had to re-kidnap the associate's daughter), thinking to myself, I've never performed such pathetic, pedestrian acts in a videogame before.

Kane & Lynch certainly is a strange game, but it's not a consistently compelling game. There are far too many well-what-the-f*$#-do-I-do-now situations, including the aforementioned early-in-the-game bank heist. Confession: I consulted an FAQ not once, but twice -- which, being a veteran gamer, is two times too many. Several try-and-fail/try-and-die scenarios only further sully the experience. (Rogue dump truck: I'm pointing the finger at you. And yes, that is my middle finger.)

The game's graphics and gameplay, especially for a PC offering in the year 2007, are surprisingly crude. Note the visible seams between textures, a visual defect that I could have lived with five or 10 years ago, but one that is simply unacceptable and unforgiveable now. And why a game that features two strong leads doesn't feature online cooperative play -- co-op is available offline via split-screen -- is an utter mystery to me. Finally -- forgive me for my pettiness -- no matter how much horsepower your PC has under the hood, the game's explosions are among the wimpiest I have ever seen. Seriously, I've seen rotten tomatoes burst with more drama.

Finally, there's simply no third act. None. Just when you think you're going to have a satisfying showdown with the remaining members of The7, the whole thing just kind of peters out. There are two endings, but both are cynical, depressing affairs.

In the end, such rich, complex characters as Mr. Kane and Mr. Lynch -- they really are a couple of hard-luck bastards -- deserve an equally rich, equally complex game in which to star. As it stands, these are two believable, convincing human beings inhabiting an unbelievable, less-than-convincing world.

This review was based on a retail copy provided by the publisher.