Fun Things to Do With Corpses

To celebrate Halloween, Scott Jones played with dead things -- virtual dead things, that is.
10/29/2009 8:57 AM | 6 Comments | Page 1 of 1

(Contributor: James Fudge)

Lots of things die in videogames. Sometimes they die -- or rather, "die" -- terrible, gruesome deaths. Example: When heads get separated from zombie bodies (aka the Shotgun Haircut) in the Resident Evil series. Other times, virtual enemies die tidy little deaths. Bodies crumple to the virtual floor, and before you've even reloaded your assault rifle, poof, the corpse has already faded into history, and from the screen.

In the early days of gaming, corpses were expunged mid-game so that PCs and consoles weren't overtaxed. To articulate a corpse, apparently, requires CPU power. But with today's high-powered consoles, corpses have become an integral, and sometimes useful, part of games. One way in which corpses have proven useful: In DOOM, I could always distinguish areas where I'd been by noting the corpse sprites scattered about.

Here are 10 sometimes fun, sometimes strange and sometimes just plain morbid things to do with our dead, pixilated pals. [Editor's note: Click the video stills for footage!]

10. Meat Shielding (Gears of War 2)

Finding yourself peppered by pesky bullets? Grab the nearest enemy, swing him around like you're about to tango, hold him by the neck, inhale the musky scent of his fear, and let him absorb the bullets for you. Soon he'll be dead, and you'll be alive. That's just how things get done in Marcus Fenix's world.

9. Turn the dead into your own personal undead army (The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion)

Having trouble navigating the game's tougher battles? Go on a kill spree that would make the Son of Sam blush, then turn right back around and bring all of your freshly created corpses back to life again.

8. Corpse-dragging/hiding/carrying about (Manhunt series, Splinter Cell series, Tenchu series, Hitman series, Thief series)

Corpses can be pesky things in videogames. 1) They can start to smell. 2) An unsuspecting passerby, en route to the kitchen for a midnight snack, might trip over one. 3) A patrolling guard might find one and sound the alarm. In these five games, corpse-dragging/hauling/hiding is not only essential; it's practically an art form.

7. Zombie crowd surfing (Dead Rising)

The dead come out in record numbers in Capcom's trapped-in-a-mall zombie simulator. And when zombies achieve maximum density in the game's later levels, don't be afraid to take the high road. And by high road, I mean climbing on their shoulders and pretending that their idiot zombie skulls are actually cobblestones on a lovely suburban street.

6. Eat dead bodies (Fallout 3)

Should you find your virtual stomach grumbling, feel free to indulge in some of the finest fine dining in the Wasteland by eating a corpse. Yes, a corpse. BYOC (Bring Your Own Catsup).

5. Jump on flat heads and make them crumble temporarily (Super Mario Bros. series)

As a general rule, if you should see a turtle skeleton walking toward you, 1) note the fact that a turtle skeleton is walking towards you; 2) make sure the expression on your face registers some combination of surprise, shock or horror; then 3) jump directly on its head. The turtle should crumble into a tiny pile of bones, and stay a tiny pile of bones, for about six seconds. This is your chance to run away at a high speed.

4. Teabagging (Halo series)

When a player is fragged during a multiplayer match, it has become commonplace for the person who logged the frag to, in an act that is equal parts humiliation and dominance, hustle over to the fragged person's prostrate corpse and raise and lower his posterior as quickly as possible in a suggestive fashion. If you don't know what is happening here, that is OK. Some day, when you are older, and you have discovered Cinemax, you will understand.

3. Use corpses to solve puzzles (God of War series)

As any law-abiding God of War fan knows, Kratos has no problem using corpses as weights on switches to open doors, etc. But in the famous scene known as the Translator of Kahkesis scene, Kratos first must protect the Translator -- who is very much alive at the start of the scene -- from an onslaught of enemies. Once all enemies have been defeated, Kratos, um, "encourages" the Translator to do his translating for him, and then shows his gratitude by pushing his face in. Warning: This one is most definitely not for the fainthearted. Rumor has it that this was the way Kratos got kids to do his homework for him back in Aegean Sea High School.

2. Scan corpses/Learn boring things about them (Metroid Prime series)

You will spend much of the Metroid Prime series wandering through ghostly, empty battleships, waiting around for circular doors to open, and using one of your various visors to scan corpses. Reading about a dead Space Pirate is pretty much as fun as it sounds like it would be.

1. Use them as play areas/jungle gyms (Shadow of the Colossus)

After defeating any of the game's Colossi, the bony, rocky remnants become a permanent part of the landscape. In fact, you could return to these corpses, climb all over of them, sight-see, visit the Colossus Gift Shop, and, if you like, re-fight the colossus in "Reminiscence Mode." (The screen, appropriately enough, takes on a grainy, old-timey movie patina.)

Check out more Crispy Gamer features:

• Trick or Treat: 10 Videogame Hero Costume Changes
• The 12 Things That Truly Scare Us
• Uncomfortable Pairings
• The 25 Games You Need to Finish Before You Die