Uncomfortable Pairings
These 12 less-than-dynamic duos have always made us feel kind of funny.
9/15/2009 8:43 AM | 14 Comments | Page 1 of 2
Scott Jones
Status: Coffee makes me feel 4-percent sexier.
In the greatest movie of modern times, "Lethal Weapon," Mel Gibson plays a crazy person who drinks alone while staring at photos of his ex-wife and Danny Glover plays
his straitlaced family-man partner. Together, they have a man-chemistry -- manistry, if you will -- that was strong enough to merit the making of three additional Lethal Weapon movies, all of which were pretty miserable.
While gaming has its fair share of Murtaugh-Riggs-caliber pairings -- Mario and Luigi, Jak and Daxter, Ratchet and Clank, Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man -- it has just as many, if not more, oddball unions that never fail to make me feel like something is more than a little askew.
Here's CG's list of gaming's greatest uncomfortable pairings.
12.
Professor Layton and Luke (Professor Layton series)
Saw this one coming, no? Whether it's the cloying way that young Luke is trying desperately to please his older mentor, or their visits to places like "St. Mystere," or the totally erect top hat that Professor Layton always wears, or their constant searches for a "hidden door," this union feels more than a little unholy.
Wrong-O-Meter: *****
11.
Elliot and Tyson (Army of Two series)
The game stars a pair of men with names so ridiculously overstuffed with machismo -- Tyson Rios and Elliot Salem -- it's obvious that their parents read the bestselling book "One Thousand Names for Your Child That Will Forever Make People Suspect That Your Child Has a Secret Life." Elliot and Tyson's high-fives and air-guitar riffs make me uncomfortable. But then the two men are surrounded by enemies and must go into Back-to-Back mode, literally fusing together to protect each other's unprotected backsides. And suddenly I have found a whole new level of discomfort that I never knew existed.
Wrong-O-Meter: ****
10.
Sonic and Tails (Sonic the Hedgehog series)
Over the years, only one person on Earth has seemed more confused about his gender than Tails. And that person would be Tyler Perry/Madea. Tails is an anthropomorphic fox with two tails who is totally nude, except for a pair of gloves and a pair of track shoes. He is supposedly an eight-year-old boy who admires Sonic, but whenever he talks, he sounds like a 10-year-old girl trying to buy tickets for the Jonas Brothers show tonight. Sonic: Start hanging out with anthropomorphic creatures your own age.
Wrong-O-Meter: ***
9.
Link and Midna (
The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess)
Midna is a creepy, pot-bellied imp who busts Link out of prison, turns him into a wolf, and then proceeds to gleefully ride Link-wolf around. Later in the game, things get creepier still when Midna's true form turns out to be the body of a sexy blue lady with a midriff so taut it would draw applause poolside at the Chateau Marmont.
Wrong-O-Meter: **
8.
Marcus and Dom (Gears of War series)
Marcus and Dom have a special man-bond because they have endured things "down in the Hollow" -- Roadie Runs, laying down suppressing fire for one another, enjoying tender moments during cut-scenes between levels -- that no vacation at even the mighty Hedonism Resort with their bikini-clad lady friends could ever top. I picture Dom late in life, alone in his little trailer, holding Marcus' old bandana to his face, inhaling his scent, and remembering their down-in-the-Hollow times together. Those sure were some times...
Wrong-O-Meter: ***
7.
Leon Kennedy and Ashley Graham (
Resident Evil 4)
Perhaps it's those orgasmic squeals Ashley lets out whenever Leon catches her. Or maybe it's the way she follows Leon around, hiding in dumpsters whenever he tells her to hide in dumpsters. Or maybe it's her short, plaid skirt, or the awkward, poorly written flirtatious banter between the two. Whatever it is, something about this pairing makes me shout repeatedly at the television screen: He is too old for you, Ashley! But he is, however, good at killing zombies! So follow him around for now! Just keep your skirt down, OK? Ashley? OK?
Wrong-O-Meter: ***
