One of the things I love about these old Atari ads is the way they try to sell the system as a family bonding device, with a jingle -? "Have you played Atari today?" -- that sounds like it's been lifted from a vitamin commercial. As soon as Mom yanks the joystick from her kids, that fresh-from-oral-surgery cackle spreads itself across her mug lickety-split. Hmm, really? I think she's crying inside.

I played a ton of Yar's Revenge when I was a kid. Eventually, my twin brother surpassed my skills and owned all the high scores for this cartridge. I'm struck at how this terrible ad flushes away any fondness I had for Yar's. The extremely literal voiceover drains away the mystery of what it felt like to actually play it. I'm pretty sure I never knew what the eff was supposed to be happening in Yar's Revenge; the point was learning to master it. Also, the faux terror of the kid peeking behind his hands really rankles me. C'mon, kid, the game's not that scary. Sinistar! Now there's a shit-your-pants scary classic.

Check out more great retro game ads.