Gaming's Most Awesome Man-Crotches Ever!

Boldly upholding the cheapo Internet tradition of giving gamers something unambiguously sexual to spend the next 14 seconds clicking on.
4/1/2009 12:01 AM | 12 Comments | Page 2 of 2

Scott Jones
Status: Coffee makes me feel 4-percent sexier.

Sex Sex Sex: Gaming's Most Awesome Man-Crotches Ever!

5. Master Chief
(Halo 3)

One man-robot. Dozens of Marines. One massive, futuristic codpiece.

4. Solid Snake
(Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots)

Clearly someone took his Cialis today. (And that's not a bald patch; it's a solar panel for a sex machine, thank you very MUCH.)

3. Chris Redfield
(Resident Evil 5)

Resident Evil 5's surly, terse bastard packs more than one kind of heat. That's right: I'M TALKING ABOUT TWO KINDS OF HEAT HERE.

2. Fredo
(The Godfather II)

"It was you, Penis."

1. The King
(Katamari Damacy)

Is this a screenshot from Katamari Damacy or is this "Cloverfield 3"? "Something has found us." I'll say!

« Prev 1 2 Next »

Comments

BugMeNot
4/7/2009 7:14:42 AM

bmn@bugmenot.com
Reply »
vincetastic
4/4/2009 3:01:46 PM

Hey Scott, this is a hilarious top ten list. The pictures are ridiculous, thanks for putting that together. You are welcome to post your list on my site http://www.toptentopten.com/ which I hope to be the home to the largest collection of top ten lists. The coolest feature is that users can vote on the rank of your list items.
Reply »
Bawk!
Bawk!

RyanKuo
4/1/2009 4:51:22 PM

Giants: Citizen Kabuto was pretty epic

http://www.macuarium.com/macuarium/actual/especiales/2001_12_17_kabuto/AtropellodeKabuto.jpg
Reply »
Foe_Monkey
4/1/2009 4:49:45 PM

I'd like to add a vote for Big Daddy
Reply »
Bawk!
Bawk!

RyanKuo
4/1/2009 4:01:40 PM

@the.skunkape:

O_O(V)
Reply »
the.skunkape
4/1/2009 3:55:24 PM

Next week's article: Top 10 video game characters we'd like to teabag?
Reply »
JohnKeefer
4/1/2009 2:37:00 PM

@OCX15:

Jones is getting crotchety as he gets older ...

*ducks*
Reply »
Malarauko
4/1/2009 1:42:37 PM

An oft under appreciated but nevertheless important piece of gaming culture. The man crotch.
Reply »
OCX15
4/1/2009 12:34:58 PM

Not many gaming journalists would venture into such disturbing territory all for the sake of an April Fool's joke. I nominate Jones for "Employee of the Month."
Reply »
JohnKeefer
4/1/2009 11:20:20 AM

The Solid Snake render gives hope to us older folks.
Reply »
Bawk!
Bawk!

CG-Prophet
4/1/2009 11:10:49 AM

i'll never eat a hamburger again. Thanks a lot Scott.
Reply »
rashi99
4/1/2009 8:55:12 AM

A think piece about man crotch..I knew there was a reason I read this site!
Reply »

Want a new look on the discussion?
» Take It to the Forums

You must be logged in to post.

0 / 2000 used

Log In
Register
Facebook

Log In and Post

Email
Password
Remember Me
Log In and Post

The Chatter Box

Recent
Active
Status

Games That Time Forgot: Freedom Fighters (2003)
7 Comments
Last November 22, 2009 by castronaut
The Russians did win WW2, and they were (are?) a superpower.
The Questionable Ethics of Brütal Legend
34 Comments
Last November 22, 2009 by Andy Bates
@DavidThomas: “To the contrary, I think that a game that uses metal and humor and a narrative that does not attempt to define good is an ambiguous ...
Games That Time Forgot
6 Comments
Last November 22, 2009 by ArmsAreLoud
There are a lot of recent Wii games that I think deserve a mention. One that comes to mind that didn't garner much attention at the time of its release ...
Grand Theft Auto IV
2 Comments
Last November 22, 2009 by Reynar
I expected more from Crispygamer. I thought you'd give this game the rating it deserves, which for you is a Try It. You mention all the problems that ...

Ding! 03/30/2009
678 Comments
Last November 15, 2009 by Xenoth
The issue was never that he decided not to make this comic anymore. It was that he said Ding was returning and strung everyone along for months playing ...
Weekend Playlist, 11/13/2009
35 Comments
Last November 18, 2009 by girlgamer21
@RyanKuo: thank for letting me know.
The Questionable Ethics of Brütal Legend
34 Comments
Last November 22, 2009 by Andy Bates
@DavidThomas: “To the contrary, I think that a game that uses metal and humor and a narrative that does not attempt to define good is an ambiguous ...
"It's a Massacre!": The Appalling Failure of Modern Warfare 2's "No Russian" Mission
29 Comments
Last November 17, 2009 by RyanKuo
@TomBissell: Pulling out narrative flowcharts to defend the scene doesn't seem so different from calling it out for being awkwardly rammed in, ...