Man Versus Shadow of the Colossus, Part 4
How I Killed 16 Colossi in 16 Days (Well, 17 Days. OK, 18 Days)
1/29/2009 9:04 PM | 4 Comments | Page 1 of 4
Scott Jones
Status: Coffee makes me feel 4-percent sexier.
Read Parts One, Two, Three and Five of Man Versus Shadow of the Colossus
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Colossus Ten (Sunday, 12/21)
I wake up with a sense of dread. I read in the morning paper that today is the winter solstice, making this the longest night of the year. My parents arrive. And so begins the annual holiday tradition known as the Emptying of the Van. My parents always haul so much junk north; this year is no exception. My dad sits double-parked and curses as my mother and I try to move their stuff into the lobby of my building. There's a bag of oranges, a Coleman cooler, a sleeping bag, bags of wrapped presents (my underwear and t-shirts, no doubt), etc. The effete gay man who lives on the first floor makes a sour face at us as he's exiting the building. "Moving in, are we?" he asks. My mother laughs and tries to joke with the man, but he moves on without a word to her.
My Aunt Dottie used to live over there...
My apartment is large by New York standards, but small by rest-of-the-world standards. I still have a Colossus to kill, and while my mom putters in the kitchen, and my dad naps on the couch, I quietly close the doors to my office and try to discreetly take care of Colossus No. 10.
It's a sandworm that that looks like something out of a Terry Gilliam movie. It plows through the sand, knocking Agro about (yes, he's in the way again) while I stand on a nearby rock, and plot my strategy.
Nothing I do seems to have any impact on the sandworm. After an hour, I've made absolutely no progress. I hear my father stir in the living room. "Where's Scott?" he asks my mother. "He's in his room playing one of his games," I hear my mother say. This makes me furious. Suddenly, instead of being the 30-something-year-old man who's built a respectable life for himself, I'm instantly eight years old again, trying to figure out how to beat King Hippo in
Punch-Out!! while my mom calls me for dinner.
What the f***ing f***.
The sandworm Colossus is one of the most challenging battles in the game. Spoiler Alert: If you don't want to know how to put this Colossus down, don't click on the video. You've been warned.
I hear my father open potato chips in the other room. He lets out a big burp. They've only just arrived, but already I feel irritated by them.
Then it dawns on me. I realize that I actually need Agro this time. I climb on Agro, get him up to a full gallop. As I speed around the environment, the sandworm gives chase, exposing his big, vulnerable eyes. I look backward, target the left eye with an arrow, and let fly. I repeat the process, targeting the right eye this time. Suddenly, the blinded sandworm pops out of his protective sand-bed. I locate his weak spots. Stab, stab, stab, stab. The sandworm is dead.
