Man Versus Shadow of the Colossus, Part 2
How I Killed 16 Colossi in 16 Days (Well, 17 Days. OK, 18 Days)
1/27/2009 6:13 PM | 5 Comments | Page 1 of 4
Scott Jones
Status: Coffee makes me feel 4-percent sexier.
Read Parts One, Three, Four and Five of Man Versus Shadow of the Colossus
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Colossus Four (Monday, 12/15)
It's Monday morning. I wake up imagining a memo going out to the Colossus community at large.
WARNING: A small man/boy has been recently murdering Colossi in their homes. Keep your doors and windows and valleys locked. And cover up any tattoos, as he seems to be targeting tattoos. Sincerely, the Colossus neighborhood watch program.
It's cold this time of year in New York, but for some reason, no matter what the temperature, it always feels a little bit colder in the Crispy Gamer office on Mondays. Elise says, "Did you kill your Colossus today?"
"Not yet," I say. "But he's on my list of to-dos."
"Now, where did I park my car ... Lot C? Or Lot D?"
My mother calls to tell me that she and my father have decided to join me for Christmas this year. My 60-something parents are making the 25-hour drive from Sarasota, Florida in their increasingly unreliable minivan. Which worries me. Instead of a hotel, my parents usually insist on pulling into a random rest area on I-95 to sleep for a few hours during these trips. As usual, I beg them to stay in a hotel this year. I lapse into my speech about how these rest areas aren't safe. These areas, I say, are populated with lonely truckers, traveling criminals, and gay men cruising each other. "That's no place to spend the night," I say.
My mom laughs. "You worry too much," she says.
"Get a hotel. Please? Just this once. I'll pay for it," I say.
"OK, I'll talk it over with your father. But you know how he is."
Back at my apartment, I start up the PS2. The fourth Colossus is a skeletal horse which looks like something from a Ray Harryhausen movie. It is easily the least intimidating Colossus so far. The previous Colossus taught me that any aberration in the environment is there for a reason. I notice a cross-section of four Hobbit-like hills, with doors in each hill that lead to interconnecting underground passageways.
After a few minutes of floundering, I figure out what I need to do here. I disappear into one passage. The horse-thing heads for that hole and peers into it, not unlike when daddy leaves for work in the morning and his dopey kids stare at the door thinking that daddy is just behind it. While the Colossus is busy waiting at the door for me to come back out, I notice a conveniently placed tailbone on its backside that looks suspiciously like a ladder. I leap for it. I'm onboard. I clamber up its bony back, locate its glow-tat, and jab away. Poke, poke, poke. Eerie music. Collapsing Colossus. Glowing black spaghetti. And it's back to the old shrine with me.
