Critic in Exile: Is It OK to Finally Admit That I Didn't Really Like Fallout 3 All That Much?
Were Fallout 3's review scores inflated? Confessions of a Wasteland outcast.
1/6/2009 6:29 PM | 79 Comments | Page 2 of 3
Scott Jones
Status: Coffee makes me feel 4-percent sexier.
Looking back, I invested a little over 10 hours into
Fallout 3. Let's be frank; the game makes a terrible first impression. The opening hour is simply one of the dullest videogame openings in our medium's history, featuring the most boring birthday party that I've ever attended for myself (and trust me, I've had some really boring birthdays).
"That's where my hopes for this game used to live. In that house."
I liked the V.A.T.S. system; slow-motion kills are always OK in my book. And I liked the game's post-apocalyptic milieu, far more than I liked the lords-and-ladies milieu of
The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion. I also loved the 1950s Art Deco aesthetic. And I appreciated the game's small poetic touches. I remember that weird robot that I set loose during my exploration of an abandoned supermarket. I remember popping open a single-person fallout shelter in the Wasteland only to discover a creepy one-legged mannequin standing inside. And I remember inadvertently getting Megaton's sheriff shot, only to later on break into his home to discover his orphaned child.
So what's my problem?
I'll tell you what my problem is. I disliked the series of inane conversations in which I always found myself mired. I disliked the petty tasks I was constantly being dispatched to satisfy. (Get irradiated? Really?) I disliked Moira's faux "Fargo" accent. I disliked the crabby doctor who was always yelling at me to get out of his office, even though I was simply seeking medical attention. I found myself with a crippled arm (OK, fine), a crippled leg (fine, too) and a crippled head (huh?).
"Excuse me, kind sir, but can you tell me whether or not I should take the Fire Ant meat with me?"
And I found myself, from the start, overwhelmed by my own inventory. (Should I take the Fire Ant meat with me, or leave it behind? Questions, questions.) I found myself vexed by those weird lobster bugs underground. And I found the choices I was constantly making in the game to be largely arbitrary. Which Tag Skills do I focus on? Which Perks? Which Special Stats? Ten hours probably isn't enough time to see tangible effects in stat-boosting. But after 10 hours of carefully making these choices, shouldn't I get something -- anything -- in return?
As I endured those 10 hours -- and don't give me any of this "you're not an RPG person" business; while role-playing games are far from my favorite genre, I have played my fair share of Dragon Quest games over the years -- I tried very hard to convince myself that I was having fun, that I was intrigued, that I was
moved in some profound way.
I wasn't.
Beyond all of this, what I resent most is the way the game was marketed. Watch
commercials for Fallout 3 and you think you're about to play some sort of mind-blowing hybrid of
BioShock and
Halo 3. Which is terribly, terribly misleading. Sure, sales numbers have been high for the game. But the numbers that I'd really like to see is how many copies of
Fallout 3 were returned after consumers got them home and realized that they'd been duped -- yet again -- by savvy ad execs.