Read Day 1 and Day 3 of our Game of the Year coverage.

What's your pick for Game of the Year? Sound off in our Groups.

Contributors: James Fudge, John Keefer, Ryan Kuo, Evan Narcisse, Elise Vogel

Around the Crispy offices, we take the subject of videogames very seriously. How seriously? We argue over such topics as "Which is the greatest videogame console of all time?" (Answer: Super Nintendo Entertainment System; Runner-up: Sega Dreamcast). We fret over subjects like which Devil May Cry is the best (Answer: the third one), invisible walls (we hate them), and non-moving clouds in virtual skies (hate them, too).

We squabble. We debate. We threaten bodily harm. All of it in the name of delivering the sharpest, most poignant gaming coverage found anywhere.

But at the end of the day, we pinch ourselves -- and sometimes each other -- to remind us that this business of videogames is, at heart, still about having fun. Sometimes, with all the grandstanding and pontificating and soap-boxing that has of late become the norm in this business, it seems as if some of our colleagues -- and sometimes we ourselves -- forget that simple fact. When all is said and done, it's still entertainment. It's still about having a good time. And yes, there's no business like it we know.

To misquote a classic from Irving Berlin: "There's no people like videogame people! They smile when they are low! Even with a turkey like Fusion Frenzy 2 that you know will fold; You may be stranded out in the cold; Still you wouldn't trade it for a sack o' gold! Let's go on with the show! Let's go on with the show! The show! The show!"

Without further ado, here are our Unawards for 2008. Enjoy.

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The Wii: Watching you while you're sleeping.

While You Were Sleeping Award


The Nintendo Wii's eerie blue light always seems to come on in the middle of the night. It's like waking up to find that that it's-alive clown doll from "Poltergeist" has crept into your house at night.

We Need You to Try to Make Just a Little Bit of Sense Next Time Award


Hideo Kojima. Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots was like watching a David Lynch film. In Chinese. Without subtitles.

Atari and Midway both stepped on these in 2008. And in 2007. And 2006.

It's Become So Easy to Make Jokes About You That It's Not Really Even Any Fun Anymore Award


Tie: Atari and Midway. Atari has had so many bad years in a row that we've finally started to pull for the old girl. If the recently hired Phil Harrison can work his giant, bald-headed magic, maybe the next Alone in the Dark game will be more fun than having to put on a pair of pants that someone else has crapped in. And with Midway's recent string of duds, at least Atari will have someone to chat with down at the bottom of the deep, dark well.

If You Went Into a Time Machine and Traveled Back to 2007 or Even 2006 Your Game Would Still Be Terrible Award


Rock Revolution (Konami). While Harmonix exec Alex Rigopulos was still in short pants, Konami was making music-centric games like GuitarFreaks and DrumMania. Now, long after behemoths like Rock Band and Guitar Hero roamed the earth, here comes Konami again, trying to get on the music game bandwagon. That bandwagon left so long ago, Konami, that even if you used one of those extendable telescope things that pirates always seem to carry, you still couldn't see it.

Dom, what's that cologne you're wearing? Hugo Boss?

Will You Guys Just Kiss Already Award

Dom Santiago and Marcus Fenix from Gears of War 2 (Epic/Microsoft). Enough with the lingering glances, boys. Come out of your "emergence closets" already. Runner-up: The pair of mercenaries in Army of Two. "I can't quit you, hockey-mask-with-a-skull-on-it-wearing guy."

Game That We Would Never Publicly Admit to Liking Even If You Tortured Us "Casino Royale"-style By Cutting a Hole in a Chair and Then Taking Our Clothes Away From Us and Making Us Sit in That Chair With Our Tender Parts Dangling Below Award


Microsoft's You're in the Movies. That's all we have to say on the subject.

One More Reason to Not Have to Leave the House/Put on Pants and/or Sweatpants Award


Netflix streaming onto your TV via Xbox Live. Pure genius. Now we don't even have to make the arduous 12-foot walk to the lobby mailbox anymore. Thanks, Microsoft!

That's Not Poop, It's a Special Kind of Wrapping Paper; OK, It is Actually Poop Award


Wii Music (Nintendo). Farting out "Greensleeves (Remix feat. T-Pain)" on a broken kazoo would be about one-million percent more entertaining than playing this "game."



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So Maybe This Whole Going Online Thing Isn't So Bad After All Award


Tie: Left 4 Dead (Valve), Gears of War 2's (Epic/Microsoft) Horde mode and Resistance 2 (Insomniac/Sony). Online gaming has become ubiquitous enough that most people now actually know another person who has a next-generation console and a broadband connection. And developers, like Valve and Epic, have finally realized that more sophisticated (translation: older) gamers prefer cooperative experiences rather than the epithet-filled, racist fragfests of yore.

It's Official: We Officially Have Enough 2-D Castlevania Games in Our Houses Award


Castlevania: Order of Ecclesia (Konami). Question: Can d?j? vu kill you? Because we just finished Order of Ecclesia, and we have this strong sense that we played this game already, back in 1997, when it was called Symphony of the Night.

"Next year's E3 will be held in my basement. It'll be awesome, too."

The Worst Videogame Convention of All Time Award


E3 2008 at the Los Angeles Convention Center. We've been to Rotary Club meetings and cancer fundraisers that had more excitement than this year's E3. Yes, the old, gray mare, she ain't what she used to be... Here's hoping for a Robert Downey, Jr.-style comeback in '09.

Your Slow-Motion Button Is Not Especially Useful Award


Mirror's Edge (EA Games). The slow-motion ability is designed to help you through the game's stickier situations. But aside from the few occasions when we pressed it by accident, it really didn't do anything except make us go ... really ... slow ... for ... about ... 10 ... seconds while we pelted our HDTV screen with vulgarities.

Could You Guys at Least Pretend to Be Helping Me Award


Battlefield: Bad Company (EA Games). Sure, you can blow a hole the size of Rosie O'Donnell's cake-eater in the side of that building over there, but good luck getting your teammates to even send harsh words (let alone bullets) in the general direction of that enemy helicopter.

Michael Douglas is attacked by Left 4 Dead's Witch.

Someone Clearly Done This Woman Wrong at Some Point Award


Left 4 Dead's Witch. Maybe it's her eerie sobbing, or defeated posture, or the way that she leaps onto our chests and then uses her claws to excavate our throats. Or maybe it's the fact that she apparently has no use for clothing anymore. Clearly, there was heartbreak in the Witch's past. I'm going to blame Bill for this one. Bill looks like he was probably a player in his day. You know, before the war and everything.

Ah, Good Old-Fashioned Misogyny Award


Castle Crashers (Microsoft). It's bad enough that you guys insist on dragging the princess through the streets in the game. But do you have to drag the poor woman face-first? Even Bowser is classy enough to give Peach a comfortable (but still terribly evil) vehicle to ride in or something.

Drop in a quarter, and pick a song that I can dance to.

Ah, Good Old-Fashioned Cleavage Award


Wonder Woman in Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe (Midway). Someone on the dev team clearly recalls Linda Carter's very busty portrayal of Ms. W.W. from the '70s. (Note to self: Must pick up quart of milk on way home. Maybe two quarts...)

Kill Them All and Let the Emperor Sort Them Out Award


The Secret Apprentice in Star Wars: The Force Unleashed (LucasArts). Jedi? Stormtroopers? Members of the Rebel Alliance? Wookies? They all get the short end when the Apprentice (and his receding hairline) walks into a room.

What's a Nice Sith Like You Doing in a Place Like This Award


Darth Vader and Yoda in Soulcalibur IV (Namco Bandai). Sure, Soulcalibur hasn't always been the most cohesive fictional universe around. But adding Star Wars characters to the medieval-times milieu had us scratching holes in our toupees. Are you guys outlet shopping for new robes? Looking for the closest KFC? Take Exit 12 off Route 17, go left, and look for the signs to the Dagobah System...

Hold Your Own Damn Hand Award


Prince of Persia (Ubisoft). We liked holding hands in Ico, guiding the blank-faced Princess throughout the game. But having Elika do the guiding -- and the ass-saving -- over and over and over again? Note to Ubisoft: The game is titled PRINCE of Persia. Not ELIKA of Persia. Which means that, henceforth, we prefer to do all the guiding/ass-saving. Thanks much.

Fracture: Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar...

Game That Made Us Feel Vaguely Inadequate Award


Fracture (LucasArts). Is that a Spike Grenade in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Portable Game That Drew the Most Askance Looks on the Subway Award


Tie: Guitar Hero: On Tour (Activision), The World Ends With You (Square Enix), Ninja Gaiden: Dragon Sword (Tecmo). Click, click, click. Slash! Slash! Slash! Scribble scribble scribble slash! Wait, did I just miss my stop and bring shame on my house at the same time?

Unintentional Best New Dance Move the Kids Will Rock Some Day Award


Tie: The Dead Space alien walk (shimmy to the left; shimmy to the right) and the PixelJunk Monsters turtle dance (stand in place; swing arms; rotate waist).

The Superman 64 Award: "I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky."

Our Brains Hurt Now Award


Professor Layton and the Curious Village (Nintendo). If we wanted to think, Professor, we'd go back to studying for the SATs, or else maybe watch another thought-provoking episode of "20/20."

The Superman 64 Award


Tie: Iron Man (Sega) and The Incredible Hulk (Sega). Will someone please use their laser vision and/or mighty hurricane breath and/or super-speed to prevent Sega from making any more terrible superhero tie-ins?

Don't forget to check out Day 1 and Day 3 of our Game of the Year coverage.