Going to a convention like the Tokyo Game Show isn't ever just about the games.

Attending the show is also something of a sociological study for us. We carefully observe other gamers and game journalists. We study their occasionally odd behaviors, not unlike the way the great Jane Goodall studied chimps.

We know this much: They're certainly an odd lot, these game journos.

The same way that chimps might fight over a particularly tasty bug, we have witnessed game journos making wild gestures at one another and squabbling over what appeared to be a Neopets keychain that was worth less than negative one cent.

We have witnessed game journos stampeding towards bright, flashing lights and loud noises (i.e., the EA booth). And we have actual audio recordings of them shrieking loudly and beating their chests at the mention of the word "Mario" during convention press conferences.

Yet nothing tantalizes and confuses the game journalist quite like the creature colloquially known as the booth babe.

"Can I possibly mate with this creature wearing a plastic dress?" the game journo wonders to himself. He shyly moves towards the creature, a.k.a. Bootheus babous in the Latinate, trying to reconcile her short skirt with her disinterested smile. At a loss for how to proceed, the game journo will involuntarily hover within a 10-foot radius of the creature for a period of five to 45 minutes while wearing a decidedly puzzled expression on his face.

From this moment forward, the game journalist has only two options. Either he can sit through a 15-minute demonstration for Celebrity Cooking Mama: Fondue with Marie Osmond. (The game that this particular booth babe happened to be promoting.) Or he can be quietly escorted from the premises by security.

In the name of science, Crispy Gamer has brought back several highly classified volumes of visual data from this year's Tokyo Game Show. We only ask this of you: As you proceed through this data, kindly gauge your own emotional and physical reactions to what you are seeing.

Ask yourself: "Is what I'm seeing intoxicating enough to make me sit through a 15-minute demo for Celebrity Cooking Mama: Fondue with Marie Osmond?"

As our beloved colleague GLaDOS once said (rest in peace, brave lady), "I'm doing science and I'm still alive."

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

? If this one comes any closer, I'll scream.

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alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?I can't believe my a-hole agent talked me into this.

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Decision made: I'm totally getting the egg salad for lunch today.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Look at this one. He's both hairy and short. He probably even has hair on his feet like those Hobbits in that movie. Man, what was the name of that movie again? That movie was so good, and now I can't even remember the name of it.

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Crap, I really should have finished law school.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?I am pretending very hard right now that you look like Johnny Depp and/or Justin Timberlake.

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?What was that clank-clank-grrrr sound my car was making this morning? I just got the damn thing out of the damn shop. Instead of a gas tank, it should just have a money tank on it. You know, that way I could just stuff money into the tank, and then the car would be fine.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Could there be intelligent life on other planets?

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?I can't get that new Young Jeezy song out of my head this morning.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?This one smells like he spent last night sleeping underneath a blanket made entirely out of hoagies.

alt="BootH Babes" />

She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?If I wasn't being paid 3,000 yen an hour for this, I would get together a few of the other girls and we'd light torches and chase you into the Old Windmill.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />

She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Man, that Batman movie was totally overrated.

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?Thank god I'm not wearing my corrective lenses today.

@@

alt="BootH Babes" />
She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?In real life, if you came this close to me, I would be spraying you in the eyes with mace right now.

alt="BootH Babes" />

She's smiling at you, but she's actually thinking?

?You sad little man. Enjoy this totally useless bit of swag and then move away from me. Our transaction is officially complete.