50 Games That Sound Vaguely (or Not So Vaguely) Like Adult Films
(Contributor: James Fudge)
With production cycles being shortened all the time, game making has become a frantic, frenzied activity not unlike watching a plate-spinner spin plates in 1940's vaudeville. This trend all too often has resulted in game stores being flooded with E.T.-caliber crap. But one aspect of game development that's considered, reconsidered, then re-reconsidered is the names of these crappy games.
Think about it: At this very moment, around the world, many very smart, very well-educated, very wealthy people -- many of whom are wearing silk ties and eating high-priced hoagies -- are sitting around conference room tables trying to come up with names for their expensive-to-make games. Lists are drawn up. Brainstorming sessions ensue. Papers are wadded up and tossed into an overflowing garbage can. And after much discussion, voil?, a crappy name is typically born.
And yet one aspect that obviously isn't being considered enough by these smart, talented, tie-wearers is how much these names sound as if they could do double-duty as X-rated titles.
Our sole criteria for a game name making this list was this: Would it appear out of place as a late-night listing on Cinemax?
Without further ado, here are 50 games deserving of that honor. The soft chuckling will begin in three, two, one?
No, this is not the box cover for SPRay. But, yes, it certainly could be.
1. SPRay
[October 2008/Tecmo]
2. TouchMaster 2
[October 2008/Midway]
3. Mr. Driller Online
[April 2008/Namco-Bandai]
4. Rhythm Heaven
[April 2009/Nintendo]
5. Ring of Red
[2001/Konami]
6. Big Bang Mini
[January 2009/Southpeak Interactive]
7. Imagine: Teacher
[August 2008/UbiSoft]
8. Imagine: Babysitters
[October 2008/UbiSoft]
Cooking Mama, Take One
9. Ener-G: Gym Rockets
[October 2008/UbiSoft]
10. Malibu Bikini Volleyball
[1991/Atari]
11. Lips
[Q4 2008/Microsoft]
12. It's Mr. Pants!
[2004/THQ]
13. Alone in the Dark
[2008/Atari]
14. Pass the Pigs
[October 2008/THQ]
15. Need For Speed Undercover
[November 2008/EA Games]
Cooking Mama, Take Two
16. My Chinese Coach
[August 2008/UbiSoft]
17. My Japanese Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]
18. My Spanish Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]
19. Viva Pi?ata: Pocket Paradise
[September 2008/THQ]
20. Pocket Ping Pong 2005
[2005/Gizmondo Games]
21. Hot Dish
[June 2008/Valusoft]
22. Toobin'
[2001/Midway]
23. Kitty Luv
[November 2008/Activision Value]
24. The Bigs
[2007/2K Sports]
@@
First photographic evidence of Pocket Ping Pong being played (and, subsequently, Sticky Balls).
25. The Bouncer
[2001/Square-EA]
26. Blowout
[2003/Majesco]
27. Chulip
[2007/Natsume]
28. Crazy Taxi
[2000/Sega]
29. Cooking Mama
[2006/Majesco]
30. Cy Girls
[2004/Konami]
31. Hummer: Badlands
[2006/Globalstar]
32. Heatseeker
[2007/Codemasters]
33. Sticky Balls
[2005/Gizmondo Games]
34. Test Drive Off-Road: Wide Open
[2001/Infogrames]
35. The Hustle: Detroit Streets
[2006/Activision]
36. The Red Star
[2007/XS Games]
37. Top Spin
[2005/2K Sports]
38. Hidden Invasion
[2002/Conspiracy Entertainment]
39. Fathammer Classics Pack
[2005/Gizmondo Games]
Possible scene from Pool Paradise. Stud #1: "Hey, baby, I was just swimming by and thought I'd stop and stare at your right knee for awhile."
40. Speed Kings
[2003/Acclaim]
41. Splashdown
[2001/Infogrames]
42. SSX Tricky
[2001/EA Games]
43. Stretch Panic
[2001/Conspiracy Entertainment]
44. Super Bust-a-Move 2
[2002/UbiSoft]
45. Growlanser: Generations
[2004/Working Designs]
46. Pool Paradise
[2004/Ignition Entertainment]
47. Neopets: Petpet Adventures -- The Wand of Wishing
[2006/Sony]
48. Magic Pengel
[2003/Agetech]
49. Wendy: Every Witch Way
[2001/TDK Interactive]
50. Let's Ride! Silver Buckle Stables
[2006/Valusoft]
[Which games did we neglect? Time for you to step into the spotlight and share your own sordid thoughts in the comments section. Go on, don't be shy!]
Check out more Crispy Gamer features:
