Crispy Gamer

50 Games That Sound Vaguely (or Not So Vaguely) Like Adult Films

(Contributor: James Fudge)

With production cycles being shortened all the time, game making has become a frantic, frenzied activity not unlike watching a plate-spinner spin plates in 1940's vaudeville. This trend all too often has resulted in game stores being flooded with E.T.-caliber crap. But one aspect of game development that's considered, reconsidered, then re-reconsidered is the names of these crappy games.

Think about it: At this very moment, around the world, many very smart, very well-educated, very wealthy people -- many of whom are wearing silk ties and eating high-priced hoagies -- are sitting around conference room tables trying to come up with names for their expensive-to-make games. Lists are drawn up. Brainstorming sessions ensue. Papers are wadded up and tossed into an overflowing garbage can. And after much discussion, voil?, a crappy name is typically born.

And yet one aspect that obviously isn't being considered enough by these smart, talented, tie-wearers is how much these names sound as if they could do double-duty as X-rated titles.

Our sole criteria for a game name making this list was this: Would it appear out of place as a late-night listing on Cinemax?

Without further ado, here are 50 games deserving of that honor. The soft chuckling will begin in three, two, one?

cork popping out of a champagne bottle
No, this is not the box cover for SPRay. But, yes, it certainly could be.

1. SPRay
[October 2008/Tecmo]

2. TouchMaster 2
[October 2008/Midway]

3. Mr. Driller Online
[April 2008/Namco-Bandai]

4. Rhythm Heaven
[April 2009/Nintendo]

5. Ring of Red
[2001/Konami]

6. Big Bang Mini
[January 2009/Southpeak Interactive]

7. Imagine: Teacher
[August 2008/UbiSoft]

8. Imagine: Babysitters
[October 2008/UbiSoft]

woman at stove
Cooking Mama, Take One

9. Ener-G: Gym Rockets
[October 2008/UbiSoft]

10. Malibu Bikini Volleyball
[1991/Atari]

11. Lips
[Q4 2008/Microsoft]

12. It's Mr. Pants!
[2004/THQ]

13. Alone in the Dark
[2008/Atari]

14. Pass the Pigs
[October 2008/THQ]

15. Need For Speed Undercover
[November 2008/EA Games]

woman in sexy cook costume
Cooking Mama, Take Two

16. My Chinese Coach
[August 2008/UbiSoft]

17. My Japanese Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]

18. My Spanish Coach
[September 2008/UbiSoft]

19. Viva Pi?ata: Pocket Paradise
[September 2008/THQ]

20. Pocket Ping Pong 2005
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

21. Hot Dish
[June 2008/Valusoft]

22. Toobin'
[2001/Midway]

23. Kitty Luv
[November 2008/Activision Value]

24. The Bigs
[2007/2K Sports]

@@

man with hand in pocket
First photographic evidence of Pocket Ping Pong being played (and, subsequently, Sticky Balls).

25. The Bouncer
[2001/Square-EA]

26. Blowout
[2003/Majesco]

27. Chulip
[2007/Natsume]

28. Crazy Taxi
[2000/Sega]

29. Cooking Mama
[2006/Majesco]

30. Cy Girls
[2004/Konami]

31. Hummer: Badlands
[2006/Globalstar]

32. Heatseeker
[2007/Codemasters]

33. Sticky Balls
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

34. Test Drive Off-Road: Wide Open
[2001/Infogrames]

35. The Hustle: Detroit Streets
[2006/Activision]

36. The Red Star
[2007/XS Games]

37. Top Spin
[2005/2K Sports]

38. Hidden Invasion
[2002/Conspiracy Entertainment]

39. Fathammer Classics Pack
[2005/Gizmondo Games]

woman sunbathing and man in swimming pool
Possible scene from Pool Paradise. Stud #1: "Hey, baby, I was just swimming by and thought I'd stop and stare at your right knee for awhile."

40. Speed Kings
[2003/Acclaim]

41. Splashdown
[2001/Infogrames]

42. SSX Tricky
[2001/EA Games]

43. Stretch Panic
[2001/Conspiracy Entertainment]

44. Super Bust-a-Move 2
[2002/UbiSoft]

45. Growlanser: Generations
[2004/Working Designs]

46. Pool Paradise
[2004/Ignition Entertainment]

47. Neopets: Petpet Adventures -- The Wand of Wishing
[2006/Sony]

48. Magic Pengel
[2003/Agetech]

49. Wendy: Every Witch Way
[2001/TDK Interactive]

50. Let's Ride! Silver Buckle Stables
[2006/Valusoft]

[Which games did we neglect? Time for you to step into the spotlight and share your own sordid thoughts in the comments section. Go on, don't be shy!]

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