The Eight Least Compelling Games of E3
7/24/2008 1:08 AM | 10 Comments | Page 4 of 4
Chris Buecheler
Status: Muthaaaaa ... tell your children not to WALK MY WAY-HUH!
"Woohoo! More jumping puzzles! Come on, creepy ragdoll guy!"
Nope, I don't get it. The ways in which some people have reacted to this game have made me wonder whether you need some kind of special gene to fully appreciate what it is that you're seeing. What
I'm seeing, when I watch video or look at screenshots, is something that looks very much like a boring (and at times frustrating -- watch how many times the people
recording the video fail to make a jump and have to repeat their actions) platform game. A boring platform game where four players basically all do the same shit, one after the other, through levels that mostly rely on some very nice texture work to look interesting.
"But wait," you say, "These levels can be designed by other players!"
Hold, mine heart, lest you palpitate so wildly as to cause me to black out ... content designed by other players? That NEVER goes wrong! Why would we want work produced by experienced professionals when we can play levels created by the same Internet retards who can't stop making
Spore creatures that look like Big Jim and the Twins?
So there you have it, folks: Boring Platformer + Frustrating Gameplay + Internet Retards = The Least Compelling Game of E3. Feel free to begin calling for my head, insulting my mother, and questioning my sexuality in the comments. Remember though: This article is but one man's opinion; it just happens to be right.
