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With E3 2008 mere hours away from kicking off, the seasoned CG staff is already making its annual pilgrimage to our crappy Los Angeles hotels. We've all attended so many previous E3s that before the wheels of our American Airlines jet even touch the tarmac at LAX, we've already got a pretty good idea of what to expect.
So without further adieu, here are the unofficial offical Crispy Gamer Predictions for E3 2008.
"Will microwaved pizza slices still sell for $10 on the show floor at this year's E3?"
Expect to pay more for the essentials.
No. They will actually increase in price to $12. Yet they will still taste like you're eating flavored napkins.
"The obvious game that everyone will obviously be celebrating to an annoying degree is...? "
CG Crystal Ball Says: Gears of War 2. Yawn. Pass us our blanky. Time to go night-night.
Number of fat guys at this year's E3: 496
496. Count them if you don't believe us.
"Dark horse of the show is...?"
CG Crystal Ball Says: Fable 2. Plenty of journos are down on it, but giving Molyneux a chance to right his wrongs? He's not going to blow it a second time, trust us.
"Price Drops: Should I wait till after E3 to buy my new console?"
CG Crystal Ball Says: You should, depending on which console you're shopping for. The Wii dropping in price? Unthinkable. Heck, Nintendo could
add a $100 Reggie Tax to the price tag at this point and people would still buy it. Sony can't afford to lose any more money on the PlayStation 3. So if anyone is going to do anything on this front, it'll be Microsoft.
Dave will get lucky.
One will. His name is Dave. Congratulations, Dave.
"Is this the year that third-party developers stop crapping out crappy Wii games and start to create games that are actually worth playing?"
CG Crystal Ball Says: No. Not this year. That would be next year. WiiDuds will abound once again. EA Sports is already offering dumbed-down versions of their sports games. Activision, though not officially at the show, has launched their "Wee 1st" brand. What a cute name that is! As long as publishers continue to make big money by offering shallow, waggle-centric junk, we'll keep getting waggle-centric junk. Landfills: Brace yourselves.
"At the Sony press conference, will they make their annual knowing reference to an embarrassing moment from the previous year's press conference?"
CG Crystal Ball Says: It wouldn't be E3 without one, no? We get it, you're hip and totally self-aware. Now shut up and show us your damn games.
"Will we see more music/rhythm games?"
CG Crystal Ball Says: Um, duh. With the it-prints-money success of
Rock Band and
Guitar Hero III, music-rhythm games with attachable jigamabobs will be ubiquitous.