Crispy Gamer

The Jones Report: The 30-Second Press Event

- Old Guys Rule Dept.: The North American press was definitely in the minority at Ubidays, giving Crispy G. staffers the chance to mix and mingle with the far more mature -- in age and in attitude -- European press corps. Indeed, we found our peers across the pond to be a most welcome antidote to the 20-something, camo-print-shorts-wearing, where's-my-damn-swag "journos" that are far too common in the States.

- It's official: You can now play games ? with your ass. Employing the Wii's latest peripheral, one of the mini-games in Rayman Raving Rabbids TV Party has you planting your posterior/hairy hams squarely on the Wii balance board. Yes, we saw this demoed. Something tells us this isn't exactly what Miyamoto-san had in mind when developing Wii Fit?

- We Confess Dept.: Tom Clancy's HAWX, aka Ubisoft's answer to the Ace Combat series, is looking far better than it has a right to look. Who knew?

- Paris is for Lovers Dept.: Who says game journos are lonely, socially challenged nerds? Quite a few journos -- including several Crispy G. staff members -- brought their better halves along. Two words: Hubba, hubba.

- During the demo of Shaun White's Snowboarding, two things occurred to us: 1. It's been far too damn long since we've played SSX, and 2. Shaun White bears an eerie resemblance to comedian Carrot Top. It's spooky, right?

- The Rolling Rag Keeps on Rolling Dept.: Remember those now-out-of-fashion rolling rags on which you used to dry your hands in gas station and bowling alley bathrooms? They're not out of fashion in Paris. Even in the Louvre restrooms, you'll find yourself searching (and searching) for the least-damp spot to dry your damp hands on. Roll on, old rag. Roll on.

- It's official: Videogames will soon help you quit smoking. Ubisoft not only wants you to lose weight (My Weight Loss Coach) and get your life back on track (My Life Coach), it also wants you to quit blowing money on those cartons of Pall Malls. Lovely Exec. Producer Pauline Jacquey was on hand to tell Crispy G. that the DS game aims to teach you how nicotine addiction works. One of the mini-games had us, quite literally, playing tug-o-war with an anthropomorphized cigarette butt. We wonder how well the game is working, since Jacquey interrupted our interview to -- you guessed it -- step outside the Louvre and light one up. Smoke on, Pauline. Smoke on.

- The Croatian-free Far Cry 2 (Crytek, maker of the original game, is apparently working on other matters just now) is also shaping up to be one of the year's more interesting titles. Question: Why now, 35 years deep into the evolution of our medium, are we only starting to see a game where fire spreads in a realistic fashion? Will someone please answer that? Anyone?

- Oh, No, This Could Become Dangerously Pretentious Dept.: Lest you worry that Ubisoft, by holding Ubidays '08 in the Louvre, was comparing its games to the world's greatest works of art, the M.C. for the evening press conference made about 497 lame jokes and then -- you guessed it -- closed with a fart joke. Fart on, M.C. Fart on.

- Overheard while jockeying for position in a crowd in front of the Mona Lisa: "That's it? That tiny thing is the Mona Lisa? Alright, that's it, I'm going back to the bar."


That's great news that videogames would help you out in lossing wieght too now,but how would it be possible.

That's great news that videogames would help you out in lossing wieght too now,but how would it be possible.


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