Dad’s Slick Tips for Cooler Gaming
Hey, champ! Can your old dad come in and chat with you for a minute? First, let me say that you’ve been a real trouper this summer! I’ve been just as sorry as you are that we’ve been going without air conditioning. Maybe even more so! I’m not bothering you, am I? No, that’s alright, keep playing. I’ll just slide in over here next to your PC / Xbox 360 / PS3 / Wii shelf. Wow, this all really does get pretty toasty, huh? Really, I don’t mean to come barging into your basement, but, well, your mother wanted me to come down here and talk to you, so here I am!
Now look, I understand where you’re coming from - I really do! I’ve left my initials next to a couple of pretty impressive Ms. Pac-Man scores in my time. I know how neat it is to really get in the groove and just ride out. Nothing like accomplishment! So sure, I understand that Cataclysm is coming and you’re trying to get that “Loremaster” before those old continents get revamped. I appreciate your need to marathon the first three Halo games in order to truly appreciate the narrative nuances of Reach. And yes, I am aware that you just don’t feel right finishing the Terran campaign on anything but “Hard.” I’m just saying that we’re worried about you. You’ve been down here all weekend, and we want to make sure that you’re staying hydrated. Also, you know a shower wouldn’t hurt once in a while?
Well, it’s true, running the AC would probably make things a lot nicer, but kiddo, we’ve all got to tighten our belts, and those fans are getting us by just fine upstairs. Maybe you could go out for a bit? Hit up the beach?
Look buddy, I’m trying to meet you halfway on this. Believe me, I appreciate how seriously you take your games, and really, I think it’s impressive that you’re willing to work towards your goals, despite all this heat. Heck, as I was trying to tell your mother, it probably builds character! Anyway, we were discussing and Mom made a pretty neat suggestion that brought me right back to my old Pengo days. That’s some cold justice Sno-Bees!! For my money, there was no better way to stay cool during the summer than to play a cold-themed game. Here, I made you a printout with some ideas:
New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Take your Mario game here. While I realize World 2 is a snappy throw back to classic 2D platforming, optimized for multiplayer coop action, you can’t get around the fact that it is a desert! Between the sand geysers and the quicksand you’re got a lot of fun on your hands, but also a lotta heat! How about you just nab that Koopa Kid and move on to World 3? No more of that sand – It’s all snow and penguins! Plus you can get to wear the penguin suit!! Who says your pop doesn’t have style?
The headshots count the same whether your clan is drilling on de_dust or cs_office. Why not play the cold one? Cs_office not only has hostages, but also – snow! It’s pretty hard to beat the satisfying crunch of crisp snow under combat boots when you walk around outside. But watch out! Did you get hit with a flash bang or is that just snow-blindness setting in?
Middle Easter shooters & Battlefield 2142: Northern Strike
While we’re talking about shooters, I know that Middle Eastern-themed levels are real hot right now, but that’s just it - they’re hot! It’s warm enough down here already. Why not swap on over to an Eastern European mission? Even better, why not reinstall Battlefield 2142: Northern Strike – it’s a whole ice-and-snow expansion!
World of Warcraft
I’m sure it seems like everyone in your guild has 400 boar-themed quests to finish back on Kalimdor, but do you have to finish your Tanaris quests today? It’s got to be almost 100° down here! You’ve got to finish those Northrend achievements sometime, and with all that snow imagery, you’re bound to feel a little better.
God of War
All that rage and power combos is producing a lot of extra heat. Why not set your sights a little lower, and instead of trying to kill all of the gods, you just focus on catching one serial killer? Between the thematic soundtrack, and innovative cinematic style, you’re sure to find yourself feeling chiller. Nothing like a good rain to knock down the heat a bit!
Mario Kart Wii
This is a no-brainer, really – lava-filled castle ruled by a fire breathing dinosaur-boss, or magical frozen snow-scape filled with giant penguins? Finish that Bowser’s Castle run and boot up N64 Sherbert Land already!
Jenova Chen’s Journey & FL0W
Stop looking at those clips of the avatar of Chen’s new art(?) game wandering through a magical desert. Heck, the game’s just been announced, and is not even close to being released on your PS3 yet! Cool off with Chen’s FL0W instead. You can splash around and enjoy the perfect freedom to create your own cool experience.
Motion Games & Any Other Video Game
Finally, let me just say I appreciate the many hours I’ve spent enjoying Wii Bowling, but with temperatures like this, really no one should be moving anything except their thumbs. Honestly, unless you’re looking forward to polishing off a Costco-sized jug of Gatorade, just stick with any other game, and leave the tennis / yoga / band practice for another day.
Anyway, just think about it. Remember, just ride out this month and it’ll be fall. Good talk, buddy! Good talk!