Corpse Run 299: Food of the gods
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While walking home from the train station last Wednesday morning, I noticed that my local grocery store had Turkey Hill ice cream on sale for $2.99.
For those who are unaware, Turkey Hill makes one of the best Mint Chocolate Chip ice creams out there. I wasn’t in the mood for ice cream at the time, but I made a mental note to go grab some that week.
I was back at the store around 11pm that night.
The fastest way to the ice cream section can be tricky. There’s the regular store entrance, which is located very far from the frozen foods aisle, and then there’s the other door.
The exit door.
Now, I may have exaggerated the significance of the exit door, which is almost always open and easy to get through. That said, if you enter through the exit door, you’re roughly five yards from the ice cream.
Which is super important.
Ultimately, it didn’t matter what entrance I took… they were out of Turkey Hill Mint Chocolate Chip.
When a customer can’t find the product they want, he/she normally purchases nothing and leaves. I, on the other hand, always get paranoid and wonder if the supermarket staff will think I’m shoplifting.
I had to find something to buy.
Preferably something on sale.
I walked around the entire store (greatly increasing my shoplifter vibe), and ended up back at the frozen foods section.
There, nestled in the frozen tomb of edible goodness, were some pizzas.
Five for five bucks.
“Excited for the ice cream?” Jackie asked as I walked into the apartment.
“Got pizza instead.”
I tossed the grocery bag on the table, removed a box, put the frozen pizza on a plate, popped the plate in the microwave, and looked at the box for the appropriate heating time.
No microwave instructions; oven only.
Three minutes and thirty seconds later I was enjoying my freshly microwaved oven pizza.
What? I wasn’t going to wait for the oven to preheat and then wait an additional fifteen minutes.
That’s crazy talk.
So Easter was yesterday, and while nothing worth reporting happened, here are a few quotes from my family get together that, even in context, sound ridiculous:
“You’re not in any trouble, I’m just trying to make a salad.”
“The only two that can be in it are the four of you.”
“Sit girl, sit. Like a dog, sit. Shame on you.”
Feel free to imagine the situations that produced those sentences.