Crispy Gamer

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  • Why the Zelda: Skyward Sword Reveal Was at Least a Tad Disappointing, in as Few Words as Possible, Ironically Unlike This Title   4 years 3 weeks ago

    Haha, damn...that's hot.

  • The Top 10 games that made me want to kill someone   4 years 3 weeks ago

    Nice list there.

    Thank you for reminding me about Ghostbusters *sigh*. It was an ok game but very dissapointing at the same time. I think my big problem with the game was in just how short it was. They could have padded the hell out of it with random jobs at resturaunts and other simple locations throughout the city. Instead we got a rather short (but well written and well voiced) game with little replay value.

     I actually didn't have any problems with the sniping in Star Wars: Force Unleashed. I've allways considered Jedi to be short range melee fighters at best and so their big weakness would be either guns or explosives. Sure they can do that deflect trick, but they're only so fast and if they're being shot at fast enough, they're sol. No, my beef with Force Unleashed was in the sheilds every enemy had. Stormtroopers and blue alien natives both had shields that made them immune to your force powers as well as your lightsaber. It just seemed like a bad design concept for the game.

    Though I agree with you about the awfulness of Lucas in recent years. The glaring errors in the prequals could have been mended with only a little fanboy assistance, but I can't even begin to go into detail about why they were just that dissapointing.

    Luckily though, I don't have to. May I recommend the critical stylings of Red Letter Media.

    This guy tears the prequel's apart as we watch clips from them, in about the same amount of time it takes to watch the actual movies. There's this dark humor edge to it and he's got this odd shut-in serial killer/Buffalo Bill (from Silence of the Lambs) meets Roger Ebert thing going on and it's frickkin hillarious. He also reviews the newer Star Trek movies. If you hate the Star Wars prequels, then you'll probably enjoy this guy's videos.

    "There's a magical elixer that makes you forget all about the Phantom Menace if you drink it. It's called Bleach!!"

    -Mr. Plinkett

    But I've allways felt that what the Star Wars universe really needs to get going is for Lucas to not be involved. The best stuff these days is generally either coming out of the comic book side of it (Star Wars: Legacy if anyone's interested. Takes place 100 years after the movies and follows Luke's drug abusing great great nephew.) or the video game side of it (the Jedi Outcast games). What the movies really need in order for them to get good again, if for Lucas to pretty much just die, because he won't give up control of the franchise any other way.

  • The Top 10 games that made me want to kill someone   4 years 3 weeks ago

    I am going to limit myself only to recent 360 games. If I pull the curtain back on the horrible PC games of old I might undo years of therapy and wind back up in the mental hospital.

    5) Mirror's Edge = great idea, horrible controls and execution. and you need a puke bucket.

    4) Star Wars : The Force Unleashed = pretty much the same reasons you listed... most terrible camera and object aiming controls. All powerful jedi dude that gets sniped to death by guys offscreen that you can't even see shooting you.

    3) Kane and Lynch : Dead men = fun for the first 10-15 minutes. buggy like a mofo with horrible aiming controls. Decent story and voice acting cannot fix horrible, horrible bugs.

    2) Silent Hill : Homecoming = Silent Hill : Bored to fcking tears. This is a GAME?

    1) Prince of Persia (xbox 360 version) = what starts out fun becomes so repetitive you want to kill yourself. And when most games like this are at least blissfully over in 7 hours or so, this one goes on for like 30+ hours. And WHAT THE HELL was that ending? I mean, WTF?

    ATOMIC BOMB) Ghostbusters : The Video Game = Oh so painful. I'm a big GB fan so this one was met with delight, super massive load times, and very hard missions that would kill you and make you repeat the ENTIRE LEVEL over and over. With super massive load times. This one could have been great, looked ok, sounded great with the original cast, but the design killed it. I don't think I made it past the marshmallow man.... and why did they have to dig that back up, exactly? Oh, wait, because they wanted to.

    On other thoughts of homicide and hatred...

    I would like to make a special mention of all the Star Wars movies, special edition versions of episodes 4-6 and the prequels. George Lucas is a two headed monster. I have never known anyone that had provided me with such joy in childhood. Then years later, for no good reason, decided to alter parts of my childhood memories because he changed his mind about some shit. Like Han not shooting first. And finally, with the prequels, he decided to take an asparagus enriched, hot steaming piss on my face for 6 hours while Jar Jar held me down. This man should be held accountable for what he's done. I mean like rolled in batter and DEEP FRIED TO DEATH. Screw you, fat man. I hope Satan has a giant double edged lightsaber dildo to ass rape you with for eternity.

  • Corpse Run 019: I fail to see your point   4 years 3 weeks ago

    I will beat your Star Fox 64 High score damnit. The goal is now 1900. IT IS ON!

  • The Top 10 games that made me want to kill someone   4 years 3 weeks ago


    These 10 titles were picked from a list of over 40 stinkers from the last 20 years.

    Halo 2 almost made the list from it's ending alone.


    Though the top 5 runners up were:

    Chrono Cross (A sequel to Chrono Trigger that had nothing to do with the first game)

    Spore (Stars off fun, then becomes painfully dull)

    X3 Reunion (It's like EVE Online but even more boring!)

    Destroy All Humans 3 (A great game franchise finally dies)

    And finally

    Zombies Ate My Neighbors (because it was THAT hard.)

  • Why the Zelda: Skyward Sword Reveal Was at Least a Tad Disappointing, in as Few Words as Possible, Ironically Unlike This Title   4 years 3 weeks ago

    "If the Hylian wunderkind strolled down my street right now, I’d let him ride on my back and call me Epona.  Or “bitch”."

    You add some of that patented Link grunting and you've got some nice rule 34 going.

  • Plants Vs. Zombies Coming To XBLA w/Multiplayer   4 years 3 weeks ago

    I really can't see multi-player adding anything to this game. I suppose if in VS one player an control plants while the other controls zombies that might be interesting but not worth $15 if you already own the game on a different platform.

  • The Top 10 games that made me want to kill someone   4 years 3 weeks ago

    Chase, I absolutely loved this article. I can sense the gamer rage at its peak. I have to say though, I liked three on the games on this list. Namely, Force Unleashed, Final Fantasy VIII and the original Red Steel.

  • The Top 10 games that made me want to kill someone   4 years 3 weeks ago

    Post your own top 10 hated games here!

  • Game of the Decade: Division Finals   4 years 3 weeks ago

    I wished I played some of these games though (still haven't gotten a hand on Psychonauts, Golden Sun, and Mass Effect yet).

  • Why the Zelda: Skyward Sword Reveal Was at Least a Tad Disappointing, in as Few Words as Possible, Ironically Unlike This Title   4 years 3 weeks ago

    With you on Twilight Princess though. Started and never finished it. Lost interest with all the wolfiness.

  • Why the Zelda: Skyward Sword Reveal Was at Least a Tad Disappointing, in as Few Words as Possible, Ironically Unlike This Title   4 years 3 weeks ago

    Mardiney, I was with you . . . until you ripped the OoT. Not cool. And I'm guessing Rich either hasn't seen that little nugget, or that he's plotting his revenge, as that's like his favorite game ever.

  • Translating Your Brainwaves to Geek!   4 years 4 weeks ago

    Awesome...we are half-way to becoming the Borg! Can't wait! :D

  • Corpse Run 017: (spawn)Camping by Alex Di Stasi   4 years 4 weeks ago

    That is some intense deer gore Alex. You really know how to draw exploding body parts. I worry a little about the state of your psyche. Great comic though, I liked the setup for the last frame.

  • Video Game Performance Art   4 years 4 weeks ago

    I just recently heard about this and it sounds very interesting. I'm curious to see how they used Grand Theft Auto as that's not the first game I would choose if I were making a play.

  • Rumors of Red Dead Pink Slips   4 years 4 weeks ago

    Hmm...I briefly worked at Big Huge Games and the first thing you learn is that you don't get free time. Like, at all. Kiss your family and loved ones goodbye until the game launches. Needless to say, I didn't last long there.

    So I'd be curious to know what "unfair working conditions" means.

  • Shuffle Time 008 by Lizzy Dawson   4 years 4 weeks ago

    Someone should write a piece about this game if it's such a gaming meme. I have no idea what this is and due to the "frenzied addiction" component, I'd like to know more.

  • Shuffle Time 008 by Lizzy Dawson   4 years 4 weeks ago

    I just started playing P3P, pretty addicted so far. I also just realized that your comic's named after the "shuffle time" event in P3 after a battle, where you gain a Persona card or treasure. Cool!

  • And You Thought Video Games Were Exciting...   4 years 4 weeks ago

    Those are some nice particle effects.

    In all seriousness though, this guy sounds like he whipped it out and started going at it. Makes me realize just how easy it is for people to have "religious experiences".

  • First Shot: Crackdown 2   4 years 4 weeks ago

    I actually think that loosing the "Kill this list of people" aspect of the game is one of the things that makes Crackdown 2 feel like there's no real story. In Crackdown 1, those assassination target missions gave you a reason to explore all over the city. They also made it hard (ie: fun) to complete those missions as each gang officer would be surrounded by his guards while holed up somewhere. So on those missions, you couldn't just jump over the building and shoot up the place with rockets, you had to go in and work your way through to the officers.


    And while these missions don't seem to be a big thing at first, look a what one of the big DLC packs for Crackdown did. The first DLC pack added the ability to reset all of the gang bosses and officers. The reason why they did this first was because without those boss fights, Crackdown was just a giant sandbox with nothing to do aside from killing random civilivans.

  • First Shot: Crackdown 2   4 years 4 weeks ago

    You're right that there is only the loosest semblance of a story in Crackdown 2, but was the story in the original game any better?  It was nothing but "kill this list of people."  In my opinion, this game doesn't live up to the original because it IS the original, re-skinned, and with a few orbs that run away this time.

  • First Shot: APB   4 years 4 weeks ago

    I can dig it.

    Here's hoping that their decision to do this title instead of Crackdown 2 pays off. So far all we've learned is that Ruffian Games is no Realtime Worlds. 

  • Corpse Run 016: In reality Rob was very nice   4 years 4 weeks ago

    Sounds like you had a rough day dealing with Apple. I assume this is based off a real life experience?

  • Shuffle Time 008 by Lizzy Dawson   4 years 4 weeks ago

    My girlfriend started playing Persona 3 FES on the PS2 with her friend the other day. Now it seems like they see each other every day.

    And ew, banana cupcakes are nasty.

  • First Shot: APB   4 years 4 weeks ago

    That's a pretty good Shaft Brian. I especially like to fro you got going on there. Well done.