Games for Lunch: Merchants of Brooklyn
In a nutshell: The best first-person shooter of early 1993
7/8/2009 12:27 PM | 0 Comments | Page 2 of 4
0:18 Battling four identical, smooth, shirtless guys now. The camera shakes annoyingly when they hit me. When I hit them, they fly over like ragdolls or, if I'm using my robotic hand, EXPLODE into bloody bits.
0:20 Battling a slightly bigger, bearded guy now. The controls are pretty awful ... I have to jam the right-click button five or six times to punch with my right hand, and even then sometimes my hands simply disappear instead of punching. I don't know if this is my computer's fault or the game's.
0:21 The faceless voice from before tells me my first "arm transformation" is ready. It's ... a gun! I can now shoot fiery bolts at my lone opponent, who goes down incredibly quickly.
0:22 "See that transformer up there? That I highlighted on your HUD? SHOOT IT!" I do and the scaffolding comes down, allowing me to climb up to a surrounding patio with fleeing former spectators. The faceless voice mentions my arm has "more work than Frank knows about," whatever that means. "It'll let you take down the Merchants of Brooklyn. And I can have my revenge." And why should I care, exactly?
0:24 I like the ragdoll physics on the identical, dreadlocked, suited guys that roam around this patio. I especially like the way they fly across the room when I hit them with a charged shot. I can also shoot the bartender and the scantily-clad women walking around, if I feel so inclined.
0:27 The game is telling me to pick up an item and charge it as a weapon. For the life of me I can't figure out how to do this. I walk up to a barstool, it gets highlighted like I can pick it up, I press the E key to pick it up ... and nothing happens! Ugh.
0:28 OK, so apparently I needed to jam on E five times to pick up the barstool. Duh. Of course I accidentally throw it immediately before I can charge it. In the process, I take enough shots to finally die. Not that I had a life bar or any other indication of my health/ammo anyway.
0:30 Hmmm. Now that I've reloaded from the save point, I can pick up the barstool on the first try. I charge it up with a right-click and throw it at a clock-shaped window. It explodes and I jump out onto a rooftop. As I do, my health/ammo meter finally shows up. Hallelujah! I guess I just had to scare the game straight.
0:31 The faceless voice says my life as a fighter is over, and my life as a mercenary has begun. "Your reward: Freedom. Time to start the revolution, Matteo." What if I want to go home and watch TV instead of starting a revolution. Huh? What are you gonna do about it, random voice?
0:32 The frame rate seems a bit smoother on the rooftops. I like the way the crates fall over realistically when I shoot them.
0:34 A hover-car flies by me harmlessly and parks on the rooftop. I blow it up with a half-dozen shots, because what else am I gonna do? Then, as I survey the flaming wreckage I accidentally fall off the edge of the building. An EXTREME METAL RIFF plays in honor of this ignominious death. Sigh.
