Games for Lunch: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's Wheelie Breakers

In a nutshell: Both the best and the worst collectible card/racing game I've ever played. But mostly the "worst" part.
6/25/2009 1:41 PM | 1 Comments | Page 1 of 3

Developer: Konami
Publisher: Konami
Release Date: May 19, 2009
System: Wii
ESRB Rating: E

0:00 I'd never heard of this game before it hit my doorstep, but the back of the box seems to indicate some mix of collectible card game and racing game. That's enough to get an hour's worth of playtime.

0:01 When I open the box, a mini-pack of three Yu-Gi-Oh! cards falls out. When I go to the preview screen, an EXTREME rock guitar riff plays. Man, I feel like I'm 12 years old again!

0:02 A cel-shaded racer rides in a ridiculous motorbike with a huge semi-circular back. Quick cuts to a bunch of other racers leaning casually on less-ridiculous bikes. Really bad synth music plays as we see dragons and some sort of holodeck room that becomes a race arena. A racer drops a card in the middle of a track, which becomes a wall. A girl summons a dragon. A big guy has a dragon with chains around its neck. A green-haired girl has a Transformers-style truck instead of a dragon. Two dragons send energy bolts from their mouths at one another. "Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's Wheelie Breakers," says the announcer. Man, I can't imagine even beginning to understand what's going on here. BTW, it's pronounced "Five-Deez"

0:05 I can choose from 15 generic costumes for my gaunt racer. The only difference seems to be color. I go with a timeless white number with black accents and a matching bike. There are 30 more designs to unlock, it seems.

0:07 The options screen lets me toggle something called "Destiny Draw." I leave it on, mainly because it sounds awesome.

0:08 Story mode lets me "experience a brand-new story based on the world of the TV anime 'Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's.'" Wait, that's the name of the anime? That doesn't make any sense? 5D's WHAT?

0:09 "The Turbo Duel is an exciting type of Duel featuring players riding on Duel Runners," says the intro to a quickly-scrolling text backstory. I can't quite read the rest fast enough ... something about being inspired by a kid who escaped the backwoods of Satellite city to join the big leagues of racing bikes. Duel-Running.

0:10 "ACE! Your Duel Runner is finally ready!" says a happy-looking redhead in a blue jacket. She's called Rally. If I win in the virtual world I can travel to the big city and face off against blah blah blah.

0:11 "Stage 1: Follow Your Dream / A First Taste of Battle." Rally goes up to a hoodlum and demands use of a virtual terminal in exchange for parts she delivered yesterday. The hoodlum says the parts didn't work. She says he just doesn't know how to use them. He challenges me: He wins, he gets my Duel Runner. I win, I can use a virtual terminal. Seems a bit slanted to me, but who am I to argue?

0:12 A tune-up mode lets me edit my deck before going into the race. The deck is full of 15 cards with a lot of incomprehensible text. A sample from "Saluretsu Armor: You can only activate this card when you are Direct Attack. Negate the attack and inflict 500 points of damage to the monster that attacked you. This card can only be activated once per lap." Uh ... what?