Developer: IRONNOS Software

Publisher: Atlus

Release Date: May 26, 2009

System: PSP

ESRB Rating: T

Official Web site

0:00 I know next to nothing about this game, but based on the title I'm guessing it's either a match-three puzzle game or an overwrought RPG. Or both! I don't know which option scares me most.

0:01 Loading, creating a save file, more loading, some logos and then snow falling on what looks like an anime graduation ceremony. Up above, an elf with pink hair watches as a blimp flies over the town. The title appears to the strains of elegant flutes. A blonde ponytailed woman kneels before a king. A goateed man stands illuminated by lightning. Knights draw their swords. A guy with a hammer swings with abandon at some bad guys. A redheaded boy summons a fireball. A girl on horseback runs from a boulder. A fistfight in the rain. A hand reaches for a falling girl. The music stops suddenly as doves fly in front of a temple. Cut to a slowly rotating crimson gem. The title appears again! Whew!

0:04 "History had all but forgotten it ... a power from a forgotten empire that threatened the world. It was said to hold the ability to control all of creation. After a millennium, it stirs once again." Snooze! Wake me when something original happens.

0:05 "I have no choice left. This is my only option," says a regal-looking, white-bearded fellow standing before the crimson gem. "The world will be in ruins if this power falls into the wrong hands." He offers up a young child, who gets sucked into the gem in a blaze of white light. "Prologue." What the...?

0:06 Cut to a house, where a white-haired boy is splayed out on a bed, snoring with cartoon ZZZs. "My head... Ugh..." He's Killian, and he's running late. He runs out into the living room. Roommate Jonathan gives him a glass of water to recover from his hangover, then reminds him that he's late for his graduation ceremony. Nice piano music and funny slapstick sound effects help keep it from getting too dull.

0:08 "You have accepted the quest: Green Hill Graduation," says an on-screen message. EPIC! Killian asks about the message that just appeared on screen. Jon berates him for "dawdling AND breaking the fourth wall." I laughed.

0:09 In control now, running around a nicely hand-drawn, isometric town. The animation is surprisingly smooth, given the high level of detail on the characters and background elements like a flowing fountain. Really seems alive.

0:10 "The 200th graduation ceremony of the Green Hill Chevalier Academy will now commence," says Mr. White Beard, the principal, out loud through the PSP speakers (the rest of the game has been text-based so far). Killian sneaks in the back. Herbert von Gutterien is the valedictorian, while Killian is the salutatorian. Herbert walks up to accept his award, pausing to offer a "Take that, loser" to Killian as he goes by. "Man, I hate that guy." Decent if overblown voice acting.

0:13 We're now all graduates and Chevaliers. Killian is "sick of always being second-best." Aren't we all. "Ranked second in the class, and apparently second in everyone's hearts," he says to himself, because everyone's busy talking to Herbert. Funny, in my class everyone beat up the valedictorian.

0:15 A guy named Vorlen comes over to cheer Killian up. Vorlen barely graduated, he says, so Killian shouldn't be bummed. Killian doesn't know what he's going to do now -- he was too focused on studying. Herbert has connections in the Order of Light, so he's all set, apparently.

0:16 The principal calls Killian in for a meeting. Killian tells him he's planning to go home and maybe join a local militia. "Local militia!? Preposterous! You're a salutatorian of Green Hill Academy. Start acting like it!" YEAH! SALUTATORIAN! The principal writes a recommendation letter for the Excelsior Force in Vardenhoff. This is about as exciting as watching paint dry, though the voice actors are doing their best to make it better.

0:20 Back in control, I talk to our drill instructor, who asks me to bring him five Galorin horns from outside town to "prove myself." Hey, screw you! I graduated! You're not the boss of me anymore! Aw, what the heck ... it's something to do.

0:21 There are a lot of girls among the new graduate soldiers, I notice. This is pretty progressive for a pre-industrial society...



0:24 Quote of the moment: "Taking care of the garden is such a rewarding, enjoyable task." NO ONE TALKS LIKE THAT ARGH!

0:26 Walking around a light wood, I stumble into my first battle, against a "Hwal Goblin." It's a standard turn-based RPG battle, with some impressive animation as I dash forward and slash with my sword. Two hits and the goblin's down. "Now that's how a Chevalier handles business!" Killian says to no one in particular. I got 30 Gelder, 5 SP, a light mana potion and a Galorin horn. Woot!

0:28 Nice ... I sneak up on another goblin from behind and get a free ambush attack. The second attack does him, leaving Killian no worse for wear. "We're done here!" Killian declares to, um, the forest?

0:30 Off the beaten path, a bit, I find more goblins and a chest with 300 Gelders. I'm getting a lot of easy ambushes, and I'm already up to level 3. Pretty simple stuff so far.

0:31 OUCH! I try to avoid a battle with a goblin, but he spots me and runs quickly to engage me in battle. His ambush attack hits me for 33 of my 80 HP! Luckily, I gain all my health (and more) back when I level up at battle's end.



0:34 New enemy alert: a sort of flying gnat/dragonfly combo. It takes upwards of three normal attack, or one slice with my special "Justice Blade" skill. "You should have retreated!" Killian tells the corpses after the battle.



0:37 I'm already up to level 8 ... quite the leveling pace! I'm leveling up so often, in fact, that I haven't had to use a single healing or mana-replenishing item. The battles are all extremely similar, kind of running together...

0:41 A cut scene as I approach Vardenhoff. "Hm!? Cavalry? Maybe it's a security division..." They're from Excelsior Force, called away on an emergency. They tell me to get to safety in the city. I mention I'm a student trying to join their team. They ask if I'm Herbert. DAMN THAT HERBERT!

0:45 On the bridge into town, I run into "a commotion." I can investigate or "ignore it." Ok, I'll call the game's bluff. Let's ignore it! Oh look, I got warped back a few feet. When I try to cross the bridge again ... more commotion. So what they meant by "ignore it" was "ignore it for now so you can level up a bit for what's obviously a boss fight." Actually, yeah, I'll do that, just to fill up my HP and skill points.

0:48 I literally completed the last two fights without looking at the screen. I was actually scanning my Twitter feed while jamming the X button. Up to level 10 now, with full health; let's do this boss battle!

0:49 A spiky-haired, rough-voiced guy named Jeffrey with a red bandana is hassling a pink-haired girl named Spinel. He says she stranded them in a dungeon, running off with a crucial item. She says she left because "I remembered I had a very important meeting to go to." Yeah, right! "I don't care if you're a girl, you're going to pay for betrayin' us, you wench." There's that egalitarian spirit again...

0:51 Spinel sees Killian and turns on the girly damsel act. "Oh, Mr. Knight! These thugs are trying to hurt me... You gottta save me! Help me, please!" She kicks Jeffrey in the shin and runs behind Killian. "I'll defend you for now, but I want to get to the bottom of this," he says.

0:53 Jeffrey gets Killian's ire up by calling him a punk. Ooooh ... it's battle time!



0:55 Jeffrey's cohorts, Williams and Weber, go down to one Justice Blade slice each. Jeffrey himself takes TWO Justice Blades to fall. Wow ... that was a pathetic excuse for a boss battle if I've ever seen one.

0:56 Killian and Spinel make post-battle small talk... Killian talks about his plans for the Excelsior Force... Spinel says she's a treasure hunter. "I find treasures from around the world ... and sell them for money!" She asks him to join her on her treasure-hunting, but he's determined to make his principal proud. "Dinner's on me if we meet again," she says before running off with his money pouch! I love her voice actress. So perky. "If I ever see her again, I'll make sure she regrets using me," Killian says to the empty bridge.

0:59 Running around town, I find a chest full of three golden eels. Just sitting there. Out in the open! Doesn't seem like a secure storage solution, to me.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Maybe.



Why? The pace is glacial, the battles are insipid, and the plot is dull so far, but I have a feeling it hasn't really gotten going yet. Maybe a few more hours will turn things around...

This column is based on a pre-release version of the game provided by the publisher.



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