Developer: Cooking Mama Limited

Publisher: Majesco

Release Date: March 31, 2009

System: Nintendo DS

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 I feel a liberal amount of liberal guilt for not celebrating Earth Day this week, so I'm doing a belated observance by playing this Earth-focused game ... on an electricity-guzzling system. Er...

0:01 A bright sun on a blue sky. Chirpy music as the camera pans down to an insanely happy gardener and little kids hopping in and out of the scene. Blooming flowers bop along to the music in the background. CUTE!

0:02 "Let's Get Growing!" Cut to an overhead view of a green field, with Mama's face smiling in the middle. I can choose from one of two growing stations: red tulips or yellow pansies. I ain't no pansie -- even though I'm playing a gardening game -- so I'll start with tulips.

0:03 Bulb-planting time! I choose the practice mode to figure out what's going on. First I have to open the bag o' bulbs with a few staple-removing swipes. Then I have to pick out the blemish-free bulbs that match the sample. A bit too simple for me, but the tinny "Perfect! Better than Mama!" chirping out of the speakers makes it plenty rewarding.

0:05 Next up is the always pleasant fertilizer pouring. I have to tilt the bag just long enough to fill in a white dotted line area in the soil. I pour too much at first, but quickly get into the rhythm of the thing. Requires a kind of deft touch and some decent timing. I'm digging it.

0:06 Next up: scooping up the soil in little piles. I follow the directions, swiping down and then up in a diagonal motion, but for some reason I get a failing grade. "Don't worry! Mama will fix this!" says Mama from the top screen as blazing fire sparks in her eyes. OMG SHE'S A DEMON! RUN!

0:07 Ah ... I got it down on the second practice attempt. It seems I was swiping too fast and far with my shovel. A light touch is needed for the smaller clumps. Too bad the interface and directions didn't make this more apparent ... I consider myself lucky to have figured it out.

0:09 Now for the actual bulb placement. A large green drill digs a hole into the ground with a zigzagging stylus motion. Then a tap to place the bulb and some swipes to fill in the dirt. Easy peasy!

0:12 Watering is next up. A gentle tilt of the water can slowly fills the gauge on the top screen. The timing is interesting here ... once the ground is saturated, the water continues to seep in briefly after the watering has stopped. Again, a soft touch is key.

0:13 Enough practice ... I'm going to try putting it all together in order. Catch you on the other side with what I hope will be some amazing flowers.

0:17 Everything went absolutely perfectly, except for the scooping. Turns out I need to work on my stroking speed (That's what she said!). It's OK; I still got a score of 90 and a life-affirming "You're good at this!" message from Mama. Plus a random "Garden Item" present that looks like a toilet with hands. Really, I don't know how else to explain it, and it's not identified with a name or anything.

0:19 The tulips are "almost growing," so I head on over to help Chika with the pansies. This time I'll be sowing seeds rather than planting bulbs, so I guess that means more practice.

0:20 Wow ... I have to pour the seeds from the bag into my hand while avoiding gusts of wind that blow the seeds away. Seems a bit contrived to me, but I've never had to pour out a bag of seeds on a windy day, so what do I know?

0:21 Scooping soil into the tray. I have to keep track of the weights of two different types, using precise scoop sizes to reach exacting targets. In the end it's a pretty simple math problem.

0:22 Soil mixing now. I'm swiping the screen in time with a moving gauge on the top screen. The slow speed makes it pretty simple, but darting my eyes from one screen to the other is a bit annoying.

0:23 I have trouble with the soil-flattening mini-game at first, until I realize they want me to tap instead of swipe. Well, why didn't they SAY so.

0:25 More watering just like before, then scattering the seeds on the soil while avoiding more wind. Have you considered a greenhouse to stop all this wind from ruining your gardening?

0:30 Just got done with the real seed-sowing after all that practice. I made a few missteps weighing out the soil and such. I'm a master of wind avoidance now, though. Final result: 82 points, still enough for a "You're good at this," but now I have the feeling Mama is only humoring me because she loves me.

0:33 Our tulips are sprouting! Looks like they need some watering. It's the same exact watering mini-game as before, which is all right. I think it's my favorite one so far, actually.

0:34 Augh! After the practice, I tilt the watering can too far and water drips out the top. I didn't know that could happen! The extra water ruins my tulips! I got a score of ZERO! "Keep trying!" says Mama. Why should I? I'M A PLANT-KILLER! WAAAAH!

0:36 My biggest annoyance so far: If you accidentally choose to practice an event a second time, there's no way to quit back to the menu. You just have to wait for the time to run out. Sigh.

0:38 I redeem my tulip-killing performance with some speedy moves in transporting the pansies from their tray to ... a slightly bigger tray. 100 points, "Wow, perfect!" Mama and Chika look so happy with their shining, big-eyed, swelled faces. Awww...

0:40 Another present. A fashion item this time. It looks like a shmata to me.

0:42 The tulip bulbs are getting bigger! I guess Mama fixed my horrible watering job. Before adding more water, I have to dilute some fertilizer serum for the watering can. This requires some precise timing and learning how to operate a faucet. I thought I had that mastered, but it's tougher than expected with a stylus.

0:45 Oh, they changed up the watering, too. Now I have to copy a shape pattern around the sprout, as indicated on the top screen. I do OK with the square and the heart shapes, but it takes me waaaaay too long to draw a simple five-point star in the soil. I am not an artistic person. So sue me.

0:48 Thankfully the post-practice watering includes no stars. I get 90 points because I over-poured the water into the can. I'll take it!

0:51 "True leaves" are beginning to appear on the pansies. As opposed to ... fake leaves? It takes four diagonal stylus strokes per plant to get them out of the soil, then I lift them into a pot and place more soil around it. I'm impressed with the subtle variety in these mini-games, even if they all boil down to the same basic stylus actions. I feel like I'm learning about how to garden along the way, too.

0:54 A perfect potting effort. Part of me is proud to be nurturing virtual life. Another part is like, pffft, these mini-games are stupid simple, yo.

0:56 My tulip stalks are growing, which means it's time to spray on the pesticide. So much for Earth Day!

0:58 The pesticides mini-game involves spraying huge, purple viruses that are threatening my stalks. Tapping and holding splits them into smaller viruses, which then pop with a satisfying scream. Think of it as Asteroids, but with a touch-screen, and a gardening bent.

0:59 My final present for the hour: a fine yellow gardening smock! I'm honored!

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Maybe.


Why? It's incredibly simple and not all that engaging, but there's something about the cute graphics and relaxing music that just makes me want to create LIFE, y'know?

This column is based on a retail version of the game provided by the publisher.



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