Games for Lunch: Worms

Developer: Team 17 Software

Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment

Release Date: March 26, 2009

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox Live Arcade

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 I've been a moderate fan of this series on the PC side, but I've never played a console version. Here's hoping the mouse and keyboard controls translate to the DualShock.

0:01 Sirens and a helicopter sound in the background of a cluttered title screen. Cartoon bombs, dynamite and sheep bouncing around on a blue background behind the title.

0:02 The available "Game styles" include Beginner, Intermediate, Pro, "BnG" and "Full Wormage." The difference between them is mainly in the amount of time granted for each round. You can also set your own difficulty options and save it, a nice touch.

0:05 After reading through the controls and weapon info a bit, I jump right into a Quick Game. Hopefully my memory of the PC games will sustain me. The system generates a two-tiered ice level, complete with igloos, toboggans and penguins embedded in the ice.

0:06 The AI wastes its first turn shooting shotgun shells into the ceiling. I waste mine trying to jump over a proximity mine, causing it to explode just as I approach an enemy. Seems my memory of the mines wasn't as good as I thought.

0:08 Whoops ... I just hit the fire button instead of the jump button, resulting in me blowing myself up in violent fashion. I remember having this same problem occasionally on the PC as well.

0:09 The worms look great in HD, by the way. I love the high-pitched voices as they cry out in-between turns. "The first of many!" So cute. I especially like the thick Scottish brogue on the enemy worms. "This is pure crap, by the way!"

0:10 I'm not really impressed with the computer AI so far. Their attacks often hurt themselves as much as they hurt me. Then again, I'm not very impressed with my habit of constantly running into mines and missing easy shots either, so I guess I shouldn't be talking.

0:12 I end up missing my target with a homing missile because it runs into a wall right in front of me. The impact knocks me into a nearby mine. Man, I really suck at this game.

0:14 My final worm gives up the ghost by getting knocked into the water. It's best of three, so I still have a chance to come back. The game gives awards for specific worms and teams. My team was the most accurate? What game were they watching?

0:15 A long arcing shot sails right past my target and ... into one of my teammates. Sigh.

0:17 Then the computer just launched a bazooka shot that blew right back into his face, thanks to the wind. Wow, and I thought I was bad.

0:18 One of my great joys in life is seeing a tiny pink worm put on a red bandana and perform a flaming, jumping uppercut to knock another worm into the water while shrieking a high-pitched "Hadouken."

0:19 I use a jet pack to hover over to a health pack, but I miss the landing. The four points of damage I take from the fall end up killing my worm. These controls are taking a bit of getting used to.

0:21 The camera is having a hell of a time zooming in on the important part of the map. I have no idea why ... it seems simple enough. It's a 2-D game, for goodness' sake.

0:25 So both the computer and I have a single worm left, separated by the entire map and a large wall of land. They do their best to harm one another with dramatic air strikes, ineffective homing missiles and inaccurate grenades. This ... could take a while.

0:28 I finally get some damage in with a high-arcing cluster bomb, but he teleports into a bunch of health packs and launches another homing missile to knock me right off the map. Another loss ... but I still got the "Most Accurate" award. Yay me!

0:29 OK, I'm getting tired of losing at the single-player matches, so let's move on to losing at the Challenge mode.

0:31 Quote of the moment, from a dying enemy worm: "Over time, the number of casualties did rapidly increase." Am I playing against a group of wormy war historians? Also: "Then followed a rather unfortunate incident."

0:33 This "Challenge" is more my speed, mostly because the opponents start with only 10 energy while I start with 100. I feel bad winning with this unfair advantage, but at this point I'll take it!

0:34 Apparently, thus far the opposing AI has been set to "Stupid" (yes, that's the actual name for the difficulty setting). After a "Flawless Victory!" in Challenge 1, I jump over to Challenge 4, against the "Hot Shots" at "Cocky" difficulty.

0:35 This challenge takes place in the catacombs of London, with lots of hanging ceilings and tight passageways. A "London Bridge Is Falling Down" remix plays in the background, with the London Eye rotating in the background.

0:38 These Cocky Hot Shots have impeccable aim, making them competitive despite their 40 points of starting energy.

0:39 A proximity mine sets off a chain reaction of carnage, as a dying worm explodes himself, killing another worm and continuing the chain down three more worms. This earns me an exciting slow-mo replay.

0:40 Enemy worm Cassidy finds a tiny hole to shoot his shotgun through and my final worm is done for. I can't even win with a 60-percent energy advantage. Also, the computer won the Florence Nightingale Award for this battle. I have no idea what this is supposed to mean.

0:41 Non sequitur of the moment: "A donkey, a donkey ... my kingdom for a donkey!"

0:43 The opponent makes a nice, arcing shot that curves backwards with the wind, knocking me into a proximity mine. I, on the other hand, manage to get right next to an opposing worm using a jetpack, only to drop a stick of dynamite that somehow falls down a ridge and misses everyone! God, I am SO BAD at this game!

0:45 I manage to squander a three-worm advantage thanks to one mis-hit button, one shot that accidentally lands right at my feet and an excellent shot by the computer. I think I'm going to cry.

0:48 OK, no more Mr. Nice Guy. I focus this time and manage to avoid the mistakes I've made in the past two rounds. I eliminate the Cocky Hot Shots in a single turn with some precise shots. Was that so hard? No. No, it wasn't. I just suck.

0:49 On to Challenge 7, against the Stupid Clowns and the Vengeful Warlords. Yes, those are actual names.

0:52 WHAM! I just knocked an enemy worm into the lava with an oversized baseball bat swing. So satisfying!

0:54 Also satisfying: sending a explosive, leaping super-sheep toward an enemy, setting him off at the precise moment he makes contact.

0:55 I take out the Vengeful Warlords rather quickly, but this leaves me weakened against the Stupid Clowns, who put up a surprisingly decent fight.

0:58 More stupid moves on my part leave me on the unhappy side of a one-on-three beatdown. A homing missile into the lava ends the dream.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? Despite my awful, awful performance, I still find myself enjoying the basic gameplay. Nowhere to go but up, right?

This column is based on a downloadable copy of the game provided by the publisher.



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