One of the most important elements of a real-time strategy game is the graphics. In fact, I'd argue that the only genre in which graphics are more important is shooters. People playing real-time strategy games expect either massive armies or intricate presentations of soldiers at war. Except for the goofballs still playing StarCraft, who get neither. But for the rest of us, it takes either the spectacle of Empire: Total War or the detail of Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War II. Or the lovely halfway point between them of Demigod. We can act like we're not superficial because it takes, you know, like, thinking and stuff to play real-time strategy games. But we need our eye candy. We're graphics whores who pretend we're gameplay princesses.

So for any of you game developers out there still making real-time strategy games, here is my list of do's and don'ts that maybe you can post in your break room, next to all that mandatory stuff about workplace safety and sexual harassment.

Do: Let me slow the game down. And I'm not just saying this because I'm old and slow, which I'll address in another column. For the love of the 40 guys you hired to do your artwork, put in a speed control so we can take some time to appreciate their work. High marks go to the RTSes Stardock has recently published. What a treat it is to get some battle going in Sins of a Solar Empire or Demigod, and to then slow down the graphics so I can move the camera around and admire everything that's happening. It's like a Zack Snyder action sequence, but not as homoerotic. On a related note, lots of camera options are good. For all the stuff Petroglyph managed to screw up making Star Wars: Empire at War and Universe at War: Earth Assault, it had the right idea with its cinematic camera option, which hops the view around automatically.

Don't: Pull a Relic by giving me wonderful graphics and then forcing me to play too quickly to enjoy them. Why doesn't Dawn of War II have an adjustable speed? Here are such wonderful graphics and animation and artwork, all doing intricate things with and to each other, but I'd never notice because I'm busy clicking the grenade icon or setting up my bolter's firing arc. Even when I get to a certain level of comfort with the action and interface, it all goes by so quickly. What is this, an action game? Actually, don't answer that. But I know Relic is capable of making games with adjustable speeds. In the original Dawn of War, that was one of the options when hosting a multiplayer game. But Relic forgot about that with Company of Heroes, which runs at only a single, officially sanctioned speed that's about one notch too fast to actually get my tanks facing the right direction. When it came to Dawn of War II, an adjustable speed was so far from Relic's mind that when I asked Jonny Ebbert, the lead designer, if they had any plans to include the option, he thought I was asking if there was any way to speed up the replay.

Don't: Mess up your game when the speed changes. Empire: Total War lets you speed up and slow down the battles. In fact, over the course of Creative Assembly's development of the Total War series, the battles have gotten faster and faster, as if Creative Assembly thinks we just want to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible so we can get back to whatever strategic layer it's designed this time. Because of this progressive pell-melling of the Total Wars, the slow battle speed in Empire feels about right for me. However, it switches off the sound. Only people who play at default speed are allowed to hear the roar of the cannons, the clomp of the hooves and the fife of the fifes.

Do: Include some way to study and admire replays. Heck, there's a whole Web site for replays! Even terrible games like Command & Conquer: Red Alert 3 have replays. Think how much worse your game is than Red Alert 3 if it doesn't even have a replay function.

Don't: Be like Demigod, which doesn't have a replay function. Dudes. What kind of RTS doesn't have a replay option?

Do: Realize that impressive graphics aren't necessarily expensive or elaborate or high-end. Multiwinia, which had an artwork budget of 12 dollars, looks fantastic because it takes place in a "Tron" style of cyberspace from the 1980s as it might be imagined by someone who knows what the deal is with Unix. Now, you might think this is a veiled way of saying it's ugly, but nothing could be further from the truth. Multiwinia is an absolutely beautiful and majestic RTS whose beauty and majesty are timeless. It will be just as beautiful and majestic in the year 2019, when we're laughing at how bad Dawn of War II looks.

By the way, can I take a moment to tell you something in private? Please don't post this part in your break room, because I'd rather it didn't get back to Relic. If someone from Relic is over at your development studio and you've sent them to the break room for some reason, maybe because you're too much of a jerk to go get them a cup of coffee yourself, I wouldn't want to them see this. But I've been messing around with Company of Heroes lately, and I have a confession to make. I think I prefer those visuals to Dawn of War II's. Anyone can make crazy Space Orks and Space Marines look good. But it takes something special to make World War II, the most mundane and boring place in all of videogamedom, look as spectacular as it does in Company of Heroes. So I guess what this "Do" boils down to is this: Do: Do something special, visually speaking. Let me pick up again for when Relic comes back.

Do: Do something special, visually speaking. Age of Mythology holds up for its visuals, even though the engine is a bit dated. The juxtaposition of mythical beasts with Ensemble's usual historical troops and tropes is still one of the best peanut butter/chocolate combos in the history of videogaming. Until someone uses a better engine to show me minotaurs stomping around among hoplites, janissaries and praetors, the graphics in Age of Mythology will hold up splendidly.

Don't: Make a game with cool Space Orks and only put them in two tilesets, especially if one of the tilesets is Tatooine and the other is Dagobah. Because do you know how many times I've seen Star Wars? Do you? Lots. Which is another reason I find myself preferring Company of Heroes. It's a pretty boring place that makes Normandy look exciting in comparison.

Do: Give me an option to turn on-screen information on and off, as well as the option to turn off every bit of the interface to take awesome screenshots. Sins of a Solar Empire gets a huge win here. I've never taken a screenshot from a game and used it as my Windows wallpaper -- except for two times, and one of those times was from Sins of a Solar Empire. Don't ask about the other time, please.

Do: Make a game using the World in Conflict engine. It's one of the best-looking real-time strategy games out there, and it doesn't cheat when it comes to amazing visuals. It doesn't hold your view in close. It doesn't neglect stuff like the sky or airplanes. It doesn't fall apart when you get too close. It doesn't skimp on pyrotechnic effects or destructible environments. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, the Swedes at Massive who made World in Conflict make their engine out of 100-percent pure magic. Unfortunately, they used all the magic on the engine and didn't have much left over for the game, which is an exercise on online multiplayer codependency. I get my fix of that with shooters.

Don't: Expect me to say things like "It's really gameplay that matters." Because while I believe that, I actually tried to go back to StarCraft about a year ago. It didn't take. I had to come to terms with the fact that you people making real-time strategy games have spoiled me. So Do: Let me be spoiled, keep making great-looking games, and help me enjoy how great they look.

Unit of the Week

As I said, I've been playing a fair bit of Company of Heroes, mainly to try out the Tales of Valor expansion. I'm not terribly impressed with having to pay for what is essentially a bundle of mods. You're supposed to better disguise that stuff as DLC anyway. But among the mods in Tales of Valor are a couple of alternate units for each of the four factions. Thanks to the Tales of Valor manual (there isn't one), I didn't realize these new units were in the game. So imagine my surprise upon booting up a skirmish as the Panzer Elite and finding this little guy instead of my usual treaded motorcycle.

What a charming little car. As it sat there, bobbing ever so slightly on its suspension while the engine idled, I had a closer look. Like the scouting motorcycle it replaces, it gets a special power based on which Company Commander you choose. For Scorched Earth, it can disable strategic points so they can't be captured until they're repaired. For Luftwaffe, you can mark a target so it's visible within the fog of war. And for Tank Destroyer, you can pay munitions to plant mines. What a wonderfully useful little fellow as well. In fact, I don't think I'll miss my scout motorcycles one little bit. The vanilla Germans get a less interesting version that comes with a hood-mounted machine gun but no special powers.

It's called a Schwimmwagen, although the "schwimm" part of its name is useless given that water is hard-coded as untraversable in Company of Heroes. I had high hopes for being able to get over the pond north of the church on the Semois map, not to mention the river crossing on the west end of the map. Alas, no such luck. My Schwimmwagen makes a great show of being amphibious -- "Don't get seasick," says the driver in his impeccable German accent -- but it's all talk.

Cute little useful Schwimmwagen, you are my Unit of the Week!