Developer: GRIN

Publisher: Capcom

Release Date: Aug. 14, 2008

Systems: PS3 (reviewed), Xbox 360, PC

ESRB Rating: M

Official Web site

0:00 I never really played the original Bionic Commando. I remember I had a neighbor friend who liked it, but I always insisted we play Super Mario Bros. instead when I was over. And the rest is history.

0:01 "Let me tell you about the man I met when I was still young..." says some white text on a grey background. They found a secret military document, describing the defunct Project Albatross. A power-mad Admiral decided to carry it off himself. So "Super Joe" went in to stop him, but all contact was lost. So now someone else is sent in to find Super Joe. "This is where our story begins." I love the remixed chiptune music.

0:02 Let's start with "basic tutorial." My grappling-hook arm can shoot straight ahead, straight up or diagonally. I can use it to climb up to platforms. Seems straightforward enough.

0:05 I can also use my arm to pull blocks and swing from ceilings, Spider-Man-style. "Now you are in a swing, and will continue to swing for all eternity without having to push another button." All eternity? Really? What if the sun explodes? Will I still be swinging?

0:07 Having some trouble timing my grapples in mid-air, but I eventually get it. I'm a little annoyed at the lack of a jump button. What kind of self-respecting platform game doesn't have a jump button? Super Mario Bros. had a jump button, that's for sure!

0:08 I'm off on a new game, Medium difficulty. "Captain, do you read me? Here are your mission objectives." I have to intercept enemy communications to track down and rescue Super Joe. Isn't that a great name? Super Joe! From now on, I'm going by Super Kyle.

0:09 Chopper pilot Haley takes me to Area 01, "The Oil Refinery." I find quickly that I need to change the default controls. Who ever heard of using the X button to fire your weapon? The entire idea is just ludicrous. Pshaw!

0:11 I climb up a few platforms, shoot a few stupid enemies, and stumble upon a communication room with a BIG mainframe-style computer.

0:13 Time for the obligatory "hacking" mini-game. It's an interesting 3-D ball-pushing puzzle, where I have to press a ball up against obstacles to get to the goal. Relatively simple puzzle, but nice presentation. I get a bunch of health power-ups for my trouble.

0:15 I'm still getting used to this grappling arm thing. My instinct is to jump over obstacles, but I can't do that unless there's something to attach to nearby. It's nice being able to grab far-off items, though, and to pull away the barrels enemies use for cover.

0:18 Exchange of the moment, between two bad guys: "The real weak spot is the rear engine, which of course is a well-kept secret. Besides, who could get in there and start throwing barrels around?" "Haha, you're right -- how silly of me to worry! Hahahahaha!" "ROFL!" "Stop laughing and get off the floor, Private."

0:22 The enemies are getting less stupid by the minute, dropping down from above to shove me out of my position. Also, some of them have rocket launchers now. So there's that.

0:23 I just fell down a bottomless pit. For some reason, this didn't strike me as a "bottomless pit" type of game. "You Died," says the simple white message against a black bar. I get sent back to the last communications room, which isn't very far.

0:24 After many attempts, I finally succeed in throwing a barrel at some enemies. Satisfying!

0:25 Man, these rockets are freaking annoying. They weave up and down, making them hard to duck, and of course I don't have a JUMP BUTTON so I can't just leap out of the way. Grrr...

0:28 Getting pretty handy with the bionic arm, if I do say so myself. I'm a bit annoyed that I can't drop down to lower platforms, though. If the enemies can do it, why can't I? Whine, whine.

0:30 You know what sucks? Rocket launchers! You know what sucks even more? Rocket launchers hiding behind laser barriers and cement barriers! My third death means "Mission Failed!" This is tough! Like old-school tough! I think I like it.

0:33 I just accidentally swung myself right into the ocean at the end of the outdoor portion of this level. I guess I'm still getting used to these controls. I should probably be a little more deliberate about what button I hit, huh?

0:35 Oooh, I just stumbled upon an extra life hidden in a disused corner. It's rendered in super-8-bit pixilate-o-vision, in contrast to the relatively realistic rest of the game.

0:36 I keep collecting these blue hexagon things from downed enemies and I have no idea why.

0:38 All right ... I got by that annoying rocket guy with some well-timed bullets to his brain. Feeling pretty good about my progress this time around ... I haven't even lost a net life yet!

0:39 Quote of the moment: "That's it! Next stop: The junkyard. Population: You."

0:42 So this floating yellow boss thing is impervious to bullets. Luckily, I know from my comm-room hacking that he's susceptible to barrels. Like the guys said, hit it with a barrel. After the first hit, he becomes impervious to barrels, too. Wha?

0:43 After my first death, I see the problem ... his armored hull moves to protect his underside after the first hit. I have to climb up to throw some barrels from above. The only problem: Up there, his shots can actually hit me!

0:46 I use some split-second timing to avoid his shots, grab a barrel, and hit him from above. Repeat twice more and he's done for. "Area clear! You've obtained grenades!" I didn't find either of the level's two secrets or get the time bonus or the "No Damage" bonus. Wait, there's a "No Damage" bonus. That's gonna be TOUGH!

0:48 On to Area 4, the "Weapons Storage Cave." That name's a little on-the-nose, don't you think?

0:49 I enter the cave and things get all dark. I can barely see the outline of my guy and the red spikes I'm supposed to be swinging over. I land badly and die twice in quick succession. Man, these NES-era level designs were just plain unfair at points, weren't they?

0:51 I just got ambushed in the dark by a close-combat soldier that I literally couldn't see. JEEZ! Luckily I survive to get to a nearby comm room, where I learn that Area 13 has flares that will help me out. Well, let's go there then!

0:53 Apparently Area 13 is in friendly hands. It's just a bunch of soldiers loitering outside buildings. One says he hopes my results are "better than that name [Bionic Commando]." LOL. There's a simulation room for training. Maybe later. Where are the flares?

0:54 There's a bonus room with an extra life in it. It also has spikes. Even the BONUS ROOM has hazards!

0:55 Flared-up, back to Area 4. On the way, though, I run into an enemy truck. Cut to an overhead view mini-level in a desert gulch. My arm is near-useless here -- it's all about dodging and positioning. A nice change of pace, but I'm glad the entire game isn't like this.

0:58 Man, these flares change everything. The level has gone from impossible to "easy" in an instant.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? Despite the lack of a jump button, it seems to capture that old-school platforming action that I love so well.

This column is based on a full downloadable version of the game provided by Sony.



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