Crispy Gamer

Lunch for Lunch: Turkey and Swiss Sandwich

Turkey and Swiss Sandwich

Developer: Kyle Orland

Publisher: Giant Eagle Supermarkets

Release Date: Apr. 1, 2009

System: Toaster Oven, Refrigerator

ESRB Rating: N/A

0:00 I know I usually only review lunches I haven't eaten before on this column, but I'm making an exception today because I pretty much eat the same boring lunch every damn day.

0:01 I get up and get my bread out of the refrigerator ... a nice loaf of challah. Usually I prefer a simple, cheap honey whole wheat, but my wife felt like buying challah last week, apparently. If it's in the fridge, I'll eat it; that's my motto.

0:02 This minute spent slicing some nice, thick challah slices.

0:04 Two slices of turkey and one slice of Swiss, as is standard for these things. On to the bread and into the toaster oven, la dee da.

0:05 There were only three slices of turkey left in the package, with a single slice left lonely in the bag. This cannot stand. Into my mouth it goes. Om nom nom.

0:06 Oh Jon Stewart, I missed you during your week off. Actually, I didn't really, because I was in San Francisco at the Game Developers Conference. But still.

0:10 Hmmm, I wonder why the toaster oven hasn't dinged yet. Usually it doesn't take this long. I'd get up and check, but Jon Stewart is making some funny jokes about GM and I'd hate to interrupt his flow.

0:11 There's the ding. Stewart's still in the middle of a good bit so I'll wait for the next commercial, even though I can pause my DVR at any time. Call me lazy if you must, but this is funny stuff right here. It would be a crime to pause it, it would!

0:13 Well, that's some nice blackened challah right there! The delayed "ding" should have been a warning I guess. I'm paying the price for my own laziness here.

0:14 Maybe lots of mayonnaise will hide the burnt challah taste. That's the excuse I'll use for the copious amounts of mayo I'm pouring on here, anyway.

0:15 Sliced horizontally down the narrow end, of course. Diagonal cutting is for newbs.

0:20 The sandwich was passable, but the mayonnaise didn't help mask the burnt challah taste much. C-.

0:21 Up next: strawberries. Usually I prefer a nice, simple apple or banana, but strawberries were on sale this week, down from a ridiculously high price to merely moderately high price. How could I resist?

0:25 A+ on the strawberries, except for the one mushy, spoiled one that I didn't notice until it was in my mouth. Of course, it was the last one in the box, leaving no opportunity to wash out the taste with a fresh one. Grumble.

0:26 A 100-calorie pack of baked Cheetos is next on the docket. They taste surprisingly similar to real Cheetos.

0:27 The only problem with those 100-calorie packs is that they're over too fast. I just want to eat, like, 10 of them in a row, which totally defeats the purpose, I know.

0:28 For a change of taste, perhaps a few thin mints? We only have one box left so I want to make them last. Perhaps just a couple...

0:30 By the way, if you aren't eating thin mints out of the freezer, you are eating them wrong. Just saying...

0:35 Just like that, my desired "couple" of thin mints has become half a box. Man, I am going to be regretting this later in the day.

0:36 I'm a particularly fast eater today, it seems, so I'm going to cut it off before the lunch hour is out. If you'd like, append "0:59 Finished watching 'The Colbert Report'" to the end of this write-up. There! A full hour!

Would I eat this lunch for more than one day? Yes.

Why? Despite the burnt bread, the overall mix of the lunch left me full and satisfied, as it usually does.

This column is based on a retail lunch purchased from a local supermarket (and local Girl Scouts).

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