Developer: Nintendo

Publisher: Nintendo

Release Date: March 22, 2009

System: Nintendo DS

ESRB Rating: E

Official Web site

0:00 It's appropriate that this game is named after a precious metal, since the last true Pokémon game I played was named after a precious gem (Emerald). Right? Appropriate!

0:01 The Pokémon logo appears with all the subtlety of a freight train on the top screen. On the bottom screen, a vignette of overhead shots of simple 3-D towns. Then two trainers run on both screens, one boy and one girl. Manga-style action as they throw Pokéballs to release ... a bunch of Pokémon I don't recognize. Who are all these guys? Then an evil-looking guy with evil-sounding music, red eyes peering from a dark void above a smiling red mouth. The title appears on the top screen while a floating yellow and red form shows on the bottom.

0:03 "Hello there! It's so very nice to meet you!" says a faceless voice. "Welcome to the world of Pokémon!" It's Rowan, a guy in a blue vest with white hair and a bushy mustaches. Everyone calls him the professor.

0:04 "You are about to enter a world where you will embark on a grand adventure of your very own." Imagine that ... adventure in a videogame!

0:05 "On your travels, we hope that you will meet countless people and, through them, achieve personal growth. This is the most important objective of this adventure." This is so sickeningly sweet I think I'm getting diabetes.

0:06 After I choose my gender, I get this quote of the moment: "All right, so you're a boy?" Don't sound so shocked, professor! I enter my name as seven male symbols (♂), just so he won't be confused.

0:07 I also get to name my friend. I name him with seven smiley faces, because I am a jerk.

0:08 "I'm sure along the way you will discover many thing, perhaps even about yourself." YEAH IT'S A STORY OF PERSONAL GROWTH I GET IT!

0:10 My character finishes watching a TV show featuring Prof. Rowan on a surprisingly large TV in his room. My friend (whom I'll call Smiley) walks in as I get up to leave. His bright idea: Rowan seems to have lots of Pokémon, so maybe if we ask him, he'll give us some Pokémon. Wow, is that how it works? My neighbor has a lot of money ... maybe if I ask he'll give me some!

0:11 I check the PC in the corner. "People live alongside Pokémon in this world." I find it hard to believe this information would be preloaded on any PC in this world...

0:12 "Don't go into the tall grass! Pokémon might attack you," warns my mom. "It'd be OK if you had your own Pokémon, but you don't, so..." Way to rub it in, mom! Also, even if I had a Pokémon there would still be some risk to me, right? It's a Pokémon, not a pit bull...

0:13 I like how the graphics mix 2-D character sprites with 3-D buildings and a subtle parallax scrolling. My walking speed is ponderously slow, though.

0:16 This minute primarily spent saving my game incredibly slowly.

0:17 Smiley has another bright idea: We should ash through the tall grass before the Pokémon can get us. Before he can be so foolhardy, though, Rowan shows up to stop him. He decides to give us Pokémon because we say we love them so much. Wow, that actually worked?

0:20 My choices for starting Pokémon: "Tiny Leaf Pokémon Turtwig," "Chimp Pokémon Chimchar" and "Penguin Pokémon Piplup." I go with Chimchar because chimps are awesome. Also his tail is made of fire, which is incredibly cute.

0:21 Smiley challenges me to a practice Pokémon battle. His Piplup uses Growl to lower my attack power. I can still hurt him, but my attacks are getting diminishing returns. By the time he starts attacking me, I've lowered his defense with my own leer attack. I just barely do his Pokémon in he can do the same to mine. I like the nice big battle control buttons on the touch-screen -- much better than a simple text menu.

0:25 Pooped, we head home after one lousy battle. There, mom gives me permission to go through the tall grass to Sandgem town to thank Rowan. She also gives me running shoes, allowing me to run through towns. Thank the lord!

0:27 Smiley's on the road. He wants to catch the legendary Pokémon that lives in the lake to impress Rowan. This seems like a horrible idea to me, but he seems to be my only friend in this godforsaken town, so...

0:28 "The lowing time ... the expanding space ... I will make it mine one day ... Cyrus is my name. Remember it." So says a blue-haired older kid at the lake to the unseen Legendary Pokémon in the lake. Pathos!

0:30 Quote of the moment: "You know, Pokéballs! P-O-K-accent-E Balls!" I'm grinning here.

0:32 A couple of wild Starlys test my patience more than my battle skills. Oh well, the simple battle raises my Chimchar to level 7, where he learns a new "Ember" attack.

0:33 Bidoof? There's a Pokémon named Bidoof? That should be a sound effect, not a name for a gopher!

0:34 At the Pokémon Center, I give my Chimchar the nickname, "ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ" because the slow progression of this game is making me sleepy. Or maybe it's the recirculated air on this airplane...

0:36 "I'm so glad that you're kind towards Pokémon," says Nurse Joy. I'm not sure how she came to that conclusion ... I've forced him to fight with two other Pokémon so far.

0:37 Rowan gives me a Pokédex and asks me to help him document Pokémon around the world "Your grand adventure begins now!" Fellow young trainer Dawn shows me around town, to the Pokémon center, the Poké Mart ... is there anyone playing this game that DOESN'T know this stuff by now?

0:42 I heal my Chimchar, buy some Pokéballs, watch a weird TV program about lonely Pokémon liking spicy food and catch a wild Bidoof. I nickname the Bidoof "~~~~~~~~~~" because it's wavy.

0:45 Mom is surprisingly blasé about my plan to leave home and search the world for Pokémon, "OK, dear, go for it! Your mom's got your back! ... "Gee, a journey full of adventure. I envy you kiddo!" She even gives me a journal. Coolest ... mom ... EVER!

0:47 Smiley's mom comes running in. Apparently Smiley just ran off from home, screaming something about Adventure. Boy, the parents in this town don't have much control over their kids, huh?

0:49 Caught a wild Starly, a bird Pokémon. Is that all of them yet? I want to catch 'em all so I can be done...

0:51 I run into Dawn, who demonstrates how to catch a Pokémon despite the fact that I've already caught two today. Not to mention I've caught dozens in other Pokémon games. Why can't I skip this stuff at this point? WHY?

0:54 I run into a Shinx, a blue koala-like Flash Pokémon. Is that supposed to be like Sphinx? If so, why isn't he a cat? Also, what's a Flash Pokémon?

0:55 "You're a Pokémon trainer and so am I. Our eyes met, so battle we must." Wow, I have a lot to learn about the rule of society.

0:59 Another battle with a random trainer on the road. Battle with Lass Natalie. I rotate in some other Pokémon besides Chimchar so they can start to get experience. Being underpowered, they take lots of damage, forcing me to rush back to the Pokémon Center for healing. Hooray for grinding?

Would I play this game for more than an hour? No.


Why? Seems way too similar to the same tired Pokémon formula that I was tired of about halfway through the first one I played.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.


Get past the first hour -- read Steve Kent's review.

Want to know more about Games for Lunch? Check out the FAQ here.



For more Games for Lunch, visit the official GfL blog.