Crispy Gamer

Games for Lunch: Resident Evil 5

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Resident Evil 5

Developer: Capcom

Publisher: Capcom

Release Date: March 10, 2009

Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3

ESRB Rating: M

Official Web site

0:00 I can't say I was enamored with the co-op demo I played with Kotaku's Michael McWhertor at this year's CES. I think Left 4 Dead has spoiled slow, shambling zombies for me forever. We'll see if I can get over it for an hour at least...

0:01 A quick downloadable update and some animated logos and we're ready to go. A microscopic view of a bunch of black-and-white cells splitting zooms out to become the Resident Evil 5 logo. "Resident Evil ... FIVE," says a creepy voice, predictably.

0:03 Is it me, or does this seem like the kind of game that shouldn't have a "Leaderboards" option on the main menu...

0:04 I know this game is really best played cooperatively, but no one is around and the only friend I have online is playing Halo 3 and doesn't seem eager to stop.

0:05 Available difficulties are Amateur, "A mode for those who enjoy the journey"; Normal, "A mode for those who find reward through slight struggles"; and Veteran, "A mode for those who believe challenge breeds excellence." I'm somewhere in between the first two, so I err on the side of Normal.

0:06 Ah, there's a "no limits" option that allows anyone to join my game co-op at any time. Maybe some kind stranger will help me out for this column, eh?



0:07 CAPCOM presents: A robed, hooded figure standing over a kneeling figure. Cut to a humvee rolling through a desert town straight out of Metal Gear Solid 4. The kneeling black man reaches out a hand and his eyes fill with blackness. Tentacles crawl out the neck and the front of his shirt as the robed guy walks away. Back to the humvee, where a captain reports that he's secured the "underground nuclear coordinates."

0:09 Black out and jump cut to the savannah and ANOTHER humvee rolling through. "I should have seen it coming..." says lovable old Chris Redfield. Apparently, terrorists have their hands on the Umbrella Corp's virus and are using it for bio-terrorism. So a pharmaceutical company created a counterterrorism outfit to prevent a pandemic. Wait, really? Anyway, Chris gets out and introduces himself to Sheva, a thin, lightish-skinned woman. Flash to Chris' thoughts of his previous partner, Jill Valentine, currently residing under a gravestone. "Casualties continue to mount over the years I've struggled..." he thinks to himself. Gag.

0:10 A guard gets touchy with Sheva, leading to this quote of the moment: "You don't have to get TOUCHY!" This is delivered with such sass I can't help but smile.

0:11 "Chapter 1-1, Civilian Checkpoint." A voice in Chris' and Sheva's ears tells us of a black market weapons deal in Kijuju. He talks as we walk through a sleepy but somehow vibrant desert town. People talking in front of stores, sitting and drinking beer, and ... beating a canvas sack with a board and nails? They stop the beating and turn to me as I get close. Uh ... we're just passing through, guys! I look at the sack ... it's not big enough for a person. Hmm...

0:13 Cut to a cut scene, and the streets are suddenly deserted. Dramatic music and camera panning. Then I'm back in control. Well that was pointless.

0:14 In the back of a butcher shop, a wrinkly guy in a scarf and turban invites us in. He has weapons for us in a big metal suitcase. I pick up a handgun and so does Sheva. "What do you know about Uroburos," he asks. Turns out the rumors of a doomsday project are not rumors, according to him. Frequent cut scenes ... shadowy doomsday projects ... awkward dialogue ... this game is reminding me more of Metal Gear Solid with every passing moment.

0:17 Down some stairs, where we're confronted with a dead dog with a stick through its belly. Crows pick at it, then fly away as we get close. The realistic lighting makes everything especially creepy. "The body's still warm ... why is this here?"

0:19 We find some gold in what the game describes as a "conveniently placed wood crate" (cute). There's a document sitting on the table: "All outsiders will receive the blade of punishment! We will bless them with a sacred death! We will release them from the bonds of wickedness!" Sure you will, mystery document-writer!

0:20 We run to investigate some screaming in a building ahead. In a cut scene, we gingerly open the door and find two guys kneeling on top of a prone figure. They force a wriggling red thing into his mouth. Chris pulls his gun and yells "Freeze." The two kneelers turn to show desiccated faces, then run off. The guy on the floor gags and spits and becomes startled at my touch. Then he gags some more and lunges at Chris. Before I can pull my gun he's on top of me and I have to wiggle the joystick to get him off. Just like the Ninja Turtles arcade game! Sheva pops the guy with a few choice shots. Thanks, partner!

0:23 We're stuck in the room. I'm not sure how the door we entered through got blocked, but it did...

0:24 Ah ... "I think we can get out here," says Sheva, gesturing at a second-floor window. Jump, keee-rash, boom.

0:25 "We should keep moving! They'll find us soon." No sooner does Sheva say that than we cut to a cut scene where ... they find us! "They" being a mob of emaciated zombies with pitchforks, torches, etc. I start to pop a few but Sheva tells me to run for a house where we'll have an easier time fighting. We'll see about that....

0:26 Sheva barricades the entrance, then helps me kick down a door to a side room. We pick up some ammo then jump down into a subterranean tunnel with hanging dead animal carcasses. OK ... why not.

0:27 Up a ladder and out to a breezy, palm-lined walkway. We step into yet another ramshackle shack, guns drawn. Outside, a horde of zombies listen to what must be the lead zombie speaking Swahili into a bullhorn. They have the turbaned weapons dealer. A huge, seven-foot-tall hooded guy with giant spikes sticking out from his head swings a giant axe and decapitates him. Then bullhorn guy sees me through the window and sics the mob after us. Finally, some action?

0:32 Trained by the demo, I know to push the bookcases in front of the doors to stop the zombies' entrance. Sheva and I start picking them off through the windows. I keep aiming for headshots to conserve ammo, letting Sheva beat me to the punch. When I do get a headshot off, sometimes the head explodes but sometimes the zombie just holds his eye and gets a little annoyed. Eventually they push through the door, and that's when the real trouble starts...

0:36 The zombie hordes are joined by the super-sized decapitator. He keeps grabbing Sheva, who cries out for help. I try to shoot the guy in his muscley head, but he just ignores my attack. Eventually, we manage to run out of the house and into the open streets. I'm already running low on ammo here ... just how many of these zombies are there? And is there any bigger weaponry to take on Mr. Decapitator?

0:39 "There's just no end to them," says Sheva. "We've got to hold out 'til Kirk gets here," says Chris. And with that my strategy goes from "kill 'em all" to "avoid them all at all costs!"

0:41 I'm running back and forth down a dusty path, turning and popping off some zombies when I get cornered. I use two incendiary grenades to create what a 15 Gamerscore Achievement calls a "Meat Show," which gives us a lot more room to maneuver. Kirk speaks in our ears, telling us to hold out "just a little longer." I'm running out of green herbs here, Kirk...

0:42 These controls are getting pretty annoying. I have to hold down a button to run? Two buttons to swing a knife? Two different buttons to reload? Jeez.

0:43 "Sorry to keep you waiting. ... Find some cover," says Kirk just as he flies in via helicopter. We take cover as directed and he drops some sort of big ordnance. Boom! "Chapter complete." I get straight-A's for accuracy, enemies routed and my lack of deaths, but only a C for my slow clear time. Overall rank: 1,000 pts: A. Woohoo!

0:44 The 1,000 gold I picked up throughout the level is enough to buy one First Aid Spray. Who knows who I'm buying it from, or why he wants so much gold. I miss the weapons trader from Resident Evil 4. Also, Sheva's out of ammo. That ... could be a bad thing.

0:47 Running down a lonely, winding path through a slum-like area. We find some ammo for Sheva and I give her a boost up to a fire escape. There are bars on the window so "we can't get in from here." I knew I should have brought my hacksaw!

0:48 In a narrow alley, we come upon an old woman kneeling over a man's corpse. Kneeling seems to be a theme here. She lunges at us, crazed. I feel bad about shooting her, but worse about having to waste ammo on such a simple enemy.

0:49 Over the radio, we hear the horrific sounds of Kirk's team getting decimated by monsters. In the game, I get ambushed by a single zombie that I couldn't see because Chris' massive body got in the way of the camera.

0:51 I slash a stack of tomatoes for fun and I'm shocked to find some handgun ammo underneath. Now who put THAT there?

0:52 "I found a key. Wish I knew what it was for," says Sheva after I boost her up to another landing. You and me both, sister.

0:56 These single-zombie attacks just aren't doing it for me. I find myself focusing not on the inherent danger, but on conserving my ammo by using knife attacks or simple punches. An action-packed game really shouldn't be this bullet-conscious, or clunky to control, methinks...

0:57 We kick down a door and walk into a disturbing cut scene with a blonde girl leaning over a railing, crying for help. A balding guy in a wife beater drags her back inside.

0:58 Ah, the building for the old key is marked on the map. Inside, a shotgun hangs on the wall. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about!

0:59 We run up the stairs and into the blonde girl's room. Blondie collapses into my arms, then slowly reaches around and gets me in a bear hug. Her head sprouts tentacles as Sheva shoots her off of me. Boss fight ... GO!

1:00 The shotgun blows her head clean off, leaving a writhing mass of tentacles where it used to be. Another shot sends her flying across the room, and a few more when she's on the ground do her in. That was ... incredibly easy, actually.

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? The controls are awkward, and it's a bit more action-y than I expected, but the environments are amazing to look at and the zombies can get pretty imposing when they gang up on us. It's worth a little more time, at least.

This column is based on a retail version of the game provided by the publisher.

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