Developer: Sumo Digital

Publisher: Sega

Release Date: March 17, 2008

System: Wii (reviewed), PS2, PS3, Xbox 360, Nintendo DS

ESRB Rating: E-10+

Official Web site

0:00 What can I say, ever since I played Mario Golf/Tennis, I'm a sucker for cute characters in unpopular sports (See: Hot Shots Tennis, We Love Golf, etc.). I'm a big Sega fan in general, too, so I'm looking forward to playing with some classic characters.

0:01 Aiai from Super Monkey Ball bounces a ball and serves to Beat from Jet Set Radio. Ulala from Space Channel 5 returns the ball with an overhead Smash, then Amigo from Samba de Amigo does some wall jumps off a cliff and hits it back. Nights from, er, NiGHTS hits it to Dr. Eggman from Sonic, who uses an octo-handed backpack to smash it at Sonic. The Hedgehog runs through a loop, jumps off a springboard, and bends the racket as he smashes the ball into Eggman's face! Confetti falls and everyone (except Eggman) is jumping and happy as the title screen appears. I'm pretty sure they aren't playing tennis by the real rules, though.

0:03 There are three different control modes ... one that's like Wii Sports Tennis where you just swing the Wii Remote, one where you swing and move around with the Nunchuk, and one where you hold the Remote like an NES controller. Let's try the Nunchuk/swinging hybrid. Wait, that means I have to stand up, huh? Grooooan.

0:05 I can choose between Male and Female umpire voices? GAME OF THE YEAR!

0:06 Superstars mode lets me "Explore classic SEGA games and complete [sic] to win prizes." The initial level choices are Sonic, Samba, Jet Set, Space Channel 5, Monkey Ball and some game I've never heard of called Curien Mansion...? Let's see some Space Channel 5, please. Hello Ulala!

0:08 It's a tournament singles match. I can choose Sonic, Aiai, Nights, Ulala, Beat, Amigo, Tails or Eggman. There are eight more mystery characters still locked, but I don't care. Let's see some ULALA! My first match is against Gum from Jet Set. The camera zooms in from outside a stadium that looks like a Space Channel 5 spaceship. Some catchy SC5 music plays as Ulala shakes her hips, waiting for me to make her serve. Let's do this!

0:11 The first point is a looong back-and-forth rally, with both of us easily knocking the ball back to the other with minimal movement needed. The game doesn't seem to care how or exactly when I swing the Remote ... as long as the ball is anywhere near my character, she hits it perfectly over the net. On the one hand, it's nice not to worry about how I'm swinging. On the other hand, it makes the motion controls seem a little superfluous.

0:12 As I play the hollow star under Ulala me fills in, which I assume means superstar mode is available. I hold down A and B to activate it with a short Sailor Moon-style close-up dance move. Now every shot I hit goes in a crazy "5" pattern in the air and three Morolians come onto the court to say "chu chu chu." Doesn't seem quite as organic as the Power Shots in Mario Tennis, but still cute.

0:14 An ace serve at the top of the power meter wins me the game. "Oops. I'm so sorry!" Ulala says. What? There's no way Ulala would say that! She'd say something like, "I can't believe it, I won! This is Ulala, reporting from the tennis match, over and out." And then Fuse would say "WoohooHOO, that was nice, Ulala!" or something. Not that I have written fan fiction devoted to this or anything...

0:16 Gum activates her Superstar move during her service game. The ball goes left to right in a sine-wave pattern, which I manage to anticipate well. Then a bunch of Jet Set Radio cops come marching in and knock me over, which I didn't anticipate. Now it's deuce. Crap.

0:17 Game, set, match, after one stupid lost point where I rush the net and swing too late. "That was Fab-u-lous!" Ulala says. That's more like it, Ulala! I got an AA rank and 719,800 points somehow. All right!

0:18 Next up is the Ulala mirror match. Too bad that didn't include Evila or something. That'd be a cool match.

0:20 I win the two-game mirror match in eight straight points using a super-simple strategy of hitting it to the left, then to the right, then to the left, etc., moving towards the net when I can. Mirror Ulala hits one or two lobs over my head, but it's nothing I can't get to easily. Guess I should have chosen "Hard" difficulty, huh?

0:21 The final match is against Pudding! Wow, that's even better than Evila. I hope her super-move involves a keyboard synthesizer somehow.

0:24 Pudding manages to get a couple of points on me, mainly because of some slow reflexes on my part. I still win easily, of course. I never get to see her super-move, though, which makes me sad. I still get an AA ranking. For my efforts I've unlocked ... a new mission. Um ... yay? Oh, I also unlocked Pudding as a playable character. ACTUAL YAY!

0:25 The new missions is exhibition doubles match, also in Space Channel 5 land. Let's look around for some more variety. Let's see ... in the Monkey Ball stage, the first mission is "clear the mini-balls." Who you calling mini-balls?!

0:27 So there's four spheres on the opposite side of the court with bananas in the center. I have to serve the ball into them to push them through three big goal rings along the sides and back of the court. Also, for some reason, I have to use the NES-style controls here. I don't figure out how to aim until my fourth of five serves ... apparently I have to tap left or right as the ball's in the air. "Aren't you the clumsy one," Pudding says to me. Let's try again.

0:29 I manage to get two banana balls through the rings this time, but the others just bounce off the edges ineffectually. The aiming doesn't have much flexibility, it seems. Also, Pudding walks around like a hooker when she gets in position for a serve. Distracting.

0:31 I finally finish the challenge, getting all four balls through the hoops for good measure. An AAA grade! "Yeah, I'm so great!" says Pudding. And humble, too!

0:32 Um, so I accidentally chose retry, but since I already completed the challenge, so I choose to go back to the menu. It tells me all unsaved progress will be lost, but I figure that doesn't mean the mission I just completed, right? Nope ... there's no record of my AAA performance. ARGH!

0:34 It takes me two more tries to beat the challenge again, and all I unlock is a new mission called "Clear All the Static Gates." Might as well...

0:38 The new challenge is exactly the same as the old one, only this time I have to get a ball through each of the three rings. I won't bore you with the details ... suffice it to say it took me three tries to nudge them through. I blame the awful aiming controls for all my problems. Even my crippling depression. *Uncontrollable bawling*

0:40 "Clear the Monkey Balls" is just like the first mission, except now the balls are now bigger and have actual, awful-looking monkeys in them. Everything about this game looks pretty janky, actually. I swear this Monkey Ball stuff looked better on the GameCube. Maybe it's just that my HDTV has spoiled me. Or maybe it's that Sega got lazy on this one. I know Wii games can look better than this...

0:41 Enough of these freaking Monkey Ball-themed mini-games, let's see what Samba de Amigo has in store. An exhibition doubles match? I'll take it! And I'll play as Amigo in recognition of the setting. This time I try the "standard" controls, so I just have to swing the Remote. Should be pretty easy, since it doesn't care how I swing. Time to sit back and relax.

0:42 Of course the Samba stage is a happy, Latin-flavored clay court with a lot of samba-loving animals on the sideline playing instruments.

0:43 I lay back and flick my wrist a couple times to serve, and then my computer-controlled partner does most of the work as we win our first point. Sigh. At least the samba music is nice.

0:45 So it seems the computer doesn't actually move me ... I have to move for myself using the d-pad on the Remote. An interesting setup, and one that feels remarkably natural. I can even eat a sandwich with my other hand as I play. Hey, this is Games for LUNCH!

0:47 After a bunch of deuces, our side finally wins the second match. In the process, I see Aiai's superstar shot, which curves and drops a banana peel on the court when it lands, and Amigo's, which sends the ball at sharp right angles in mid-air. Doubles is a bit more fast-paced and challenging, but just a bit ... I unlocked a bunch of new music tracks, but no new mission.

0:49 The Curien Mansion zone has a "Hit the Zombies" game that sounds fun. The goal is to hit 15 Zombies in 45 seconds. Wait, why isn't this a House of the Dead zombie challenge? [Editor's note: This is House of the Dead, silly!] That's Sega, right?

0:51 On an extremely gothic court, a gargoyle lobs balls from the side that I have to hit at an encroaching horde. There's so many of them, it's near-impossible to miss. I even get a "combo" for one super-shot that knocks over three zombies. I hit 16 for good measure. "I did it!" screams Pudding!

0:52 Rather than suffer through "Hit the Zombies" combos I back out to the main menu to see what else is available. Sonic the Hedgehog mini-games? Yes, please! "Collect rings while avoiding spiked balls and bombs" read the instructions.

0:56 I spent the last four minutes just running around on my side of the court as Dr. Eggman, collecting rings and avoiding shiny spiked balls shot by robots from the other side of the court. Items like speed boost and shield pop up occasionally ... I even get a Chaos Emerald in a bonus stage after collecting 100 rings. It starts off easy but gets pretty hard as the robots start shooting three or four balls at a time. Isn't it sad that the most fun I've had with this game is in the mode that has the least to do with real tennis?

1:00 I get up to 175 rings on my second try, which is worth 4,840 points, enough for second place on the high-score table. "I'm just getting started," says Robotnik. Funny, I feel like I'm just getting finished...

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? Just to see all the characters and special moves/mini-game, probably. After that, I doubt the super-shallow tennis action will really engross me for long.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game rented from GameFly.



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