Developer: Midway

Publisher: Midway

Release Date: Oct. 13, 2008

Systems: Xbox 360 (reviewed), PS3

ESRB Rating: M

Official Web site

0:00 I was a huge Blitz fan back in high school, but haven't touched the series since NFL Blitz 2000, and I've heard the series has changed quite a bit since then. The Crispy game room has an unopened copy, though, so I figure it's worth checking out.

0:01 I'm not counting the literally FIVE MINUTES it took to open the shrink wrap on this game in the running count. What is wrong with me today?

0:02 A quick downloaded update, some animated logos and some loading and then some truly awful rap plays over the menu screen. The Campaign option is kind of intriguing, but this is the type of game that was always meant for "Quick Play," which is what I choose to start with.

0:04 The Philadelphia Brawlers? The Houston Riders? The New York Nightmare? What the hell is this? I guess I forgot that the game no longer has the NFL license ... I go with the Washington Redhawks, which is surprisingly less offensive than Washington's real team name.

0:05 "You think you know how to play football? If you don't know how to use Clash, you don't know a thing!" says a voiceover for a video tutorial. Basically, holding the left trigger and tapping a button does super-cool moves like jukes, perfect catches and "dirty hits" in super-slow motion. This drains your clash meter, which gets built up by other good plays. You can also earn "Clash Icons" for big moves and build up an "Unleashed Meter" for a one-time ultra-mega-super-duper move.

0:07 This minute spent reading about Clayton Wescott, the Redhawks quarterback, during a loading screen. They made a whole fake history for the guy. Impressive!

0:08 "Good evening everyone," says the announcer. "Well, there was no rain in the forecast, but I guess even a weatherman can be wrong occasionally." Uh, weathermen are wrong all the time. Was that supposed to be sarcastic? Because it sure didn't sound it...

0:09 I totally botched the kickoff because I didn't pick up on the on-screen cues for button presses in time. It's OK, though ... I immediately force a fumble and pick up the ball on the opposing 30-yard line. YEAH! I am AWESOME!

0:10 The first play from scrimmage is an easy pass for 26 yards, short of the 30 you need for a first down (appropriate, since one step is approximately 3 yards in this game.) So far it feels very familiar, with similar controls and rhythms to the old Blitz, and a much shinier look.

0:11 A quarterback sneak on my second play leads to a quick fumble, which Houston recovers on their own 4-yard line. Man, I hope these fumbles slow down a bit...

0:12 After scoring a "late hit" on defense (totally encouraged in this game), the screen tells me to tap A for a "beat down." I do just that, making my guy kick the downed runner repeatedly IN THE FACE. No wonder the NFL didn't want to be associated with this game...

0:13 After a few missed tackles on the quarterback, I intercept a long pass that was just hanging there. For those keeping track, that's three turnovers on four plays from scrimmage.

0:14 My first pass gets batted down, then my second gets batted UP with a twangy, spring-like sound. Whaddya know, it's intercepted as well. Six plays, four turnovers. This is getting a bit nuts.

0:15 Another late hit of defense leads to a "beat down" where I straddle the prostrate guy and punch him in the face. First off, this is a little too homoerotic for me. Secondly, wouldn't punching a guy wearing a helmet hurt your hand more than the other guy's head?

0:16 The computer uses a fancy Clash move to evade a sack, then puts up a floater. I'm all over the receiver, knocking the ball up and, yep, causing another interception. That's nine plays, five turnovers.

0:17 Oh dear lord ... I try out some Clash moves on what should be an easy third-and-6. I make a great juke to get the first down, then try another down the field and fumble the ball as I'm hit. What good is this Clash meter if it doesn't prevent fumbles? BTW, that's 12 plays, six turnovers now.

0:18 So I've got the perfect tackle set up but Houston busts out an "unleashed" move, leading to a slow-mo close up of the ball carrier spinning around out of my reach. He's all alone for the 80 yards or so he has to walk to the end zone, where he high-steps in. After the score, two offensive players taunt us with a fake gunfight.

0:19 An unwelcome change: You apparently have to actually kick the extra points now. In the old Blitz games you could just choose to take the point automatically.

0:20 On offense, now, a pitch out leads to a BRUTAL-looking tackle and a broken forearm on my guy. The camera zooms in down to the bone and muscle level, showing the snapping and internal bleeding in the shoulder. Was that really necessary? This sets up a "bone set" mini-game where I have to move the left and right stick to their respective targets, then snap the bone into place by following the arrows. Hey, you got pointless mini-games in my football?!

0:22 So my receiver seems wide open when I let go of the pass, but it goes so high that it's pretty easy to pick up for the defenders, leading to ... yep, another interception. That's 16 plays and seven turnovers.

0:24 I audible a blitz accidentally, leading to a mess at the line and a perfect pass for an easy touchdown. The celebration is "the Pooper," which involves a pantomimed excretion of a football. Classy!

0:27 The always-handy jump button turns a short pass into a long gain as I leap over four or five diving tacklers on my way to the end zone. I tap X, X and A for a "great kick" and it's 14-7. It's all coming back to me now.

0:29 I just kicked a guy in the balls when he was lying face-down in the mud. Ah, the joys of football.

0:30 It's fourth-and-3, but I can't call a punt block? It doesn't matter ... the other team is going for it anyway. Their quarterback somehow escapes like five tackles, then runs off balance for the first down before getting hammered in the open field. Oh, that was the last play of the half. No wonder they didn't punt.

0:32 A short, four-play drive includes a scary moment when I recover a fumble, but it's still a relatively easy touchdown. An interface complaint: I have to go searching for the "extra point" option in the post-scoring menu. Shouldn't it be the default?

0:35 "We need to stop 'em right here, right now," says the defensive coordinator in a short cut scene. This despite the fact that it's fourth-and-25 and they're punting.

0:36 Cut to the booth between plays, where a coach leans out and looks down over the field. "Aw, god damn it ... I think I left the coffee running." I grinned.

0:37 To start the fourth quarter, I repeat the same play five times: A quarterback roll-out to the right, then a quick run up the field. My blockers pick up the defense and I get 15 to 25 yards each play. I'm even smart enough to jump out of bounds to prevent fumbles. All of a sudden there's a touchdown and I'm in the lead!

0:38 Instead of the free point, I try for a two-point conversion, mainly because I'm a little bored. It's a trick play that fakes out the defense to the right and lets my runner dance into the end zone untouched. And I'm up by eight!

0:40 I read a statue of liberty play perfectly, but the receiver somehow manages to come down with the catch and dodge my tackle to get into the end zone. At least he's forced to go for two. He tries a quick run up the middle, right into my defender. NO GOOD!

0:42 Man, this game is fast-paced. Another quick pass and I'm already threatening another touchdown already. The only reason I didn't get in was an ill-advised taunt at the 1-yard line.

0:43 My defender twists his neck on a stiff arm, complete with another painful-looking, close-up, X-ray-style animation. Another mini-game asks me to place a needle in the center of a moving target to inject the guy with some sort of anti-inflammatory. Ick.

0:46 For my final play of the game, I have the quarterback run backwards for 80 yards, draining the remaining 14 seconds from the clock. The plays results in a safety but I still win by one point, so, yay! I unlocked some concept art for the Houston stadium that neither I nor anyone else cares about.

0:47 OK, we got some time left, let's check out the campaign more. It starts with a cut scene of a dark, rainy field. A guy is writhing around on the muddy ground while another guy palms the ball and laughs. He taunts the opposing team on the sidelines: "Got this one in the bag sunshine." The announcer pop in: "Looks like Bataglia has ended his career. It wouldn't be the first time..." Bataglia's teammates taunt him in his pain. "Quit your whining, you still have your other knee."

0:49 After all this, one team lines up for a field goal, but the snap is bad and the ball is loose and some guy picks it up and runs it all the way back for a touchdown, dragging a defender with him for the last 20 yards or so. "Yeah, you watch me on that one? Pay attention, you'll learn something. You come to see me? Yeah!" the ball carrier croons. The crowd boos.

0:50 Pan up to a posh, glass-encased office overlooking the field. "Kid, you're gonna be huge," a small white guy says to a large black guy. "The first two-way player this league. We've got every Fortune 500 company begging to be with you like bridesmaids at the wedding of the century." This guy plays six positions and his nickname is "Franchise" because he can single-handedly make one. Even though the L.A. Riot traded to the No. 1 draft pick to get him, Franchise says he'll only play in his hometown. If they won't let him, he'll just go sign a $17 million per year deal to play center field for New York. "That's the kind of athlete you're talking about here." Personally, I don't think he looks built for center field...

0:52 Oooh, the excitement of a pre-game press conference! "How do you feel your presence on offense affects your teammate?" an unseen reporter asks. I can choose from four answers, each one corresponding to a different offensive position (I choose quarterback). "How does your play on defense elevate the performance of your team?" Jeez, these are the softest softball questions I've ever heard! Still, an interesting way to pick positions.

0:53 What did I do for fun in my youth? "Does running from the cops count as fun?" That answer gets me some laughs from the crowd and a boost to my speed stat. Track and field was my collegiate sport ... another speed boost. I've been running the obstacle course in the off season. In high school, my nickname was The Freak. "I'm a total Ball Hawk, just like Ezekiel Freeman." In five years, I hope they'll say, "You need a jetpack to keep up with that guy." All these things boost my speed, until it's ranked 78/100. I AM a Freak. Somehow, my responses are graded as a C+. Who knew I was being graded?

0:57 I decide to play for Anchorage. I can customize my team name, logo, colors, helmet style, jersey font ... even my sock color and style! Jeez! I'll just stick with the defaults, thanks.

0:59 "Welcome to your first week in the League, Franchise..." My agent tells me it's up to me to make sure everyone is training, to give them all the proper "supplements" they need to perform, and to go socialize at the clubs when I'm not playing. Wow, that's a lot of non-football stuff for a football game...

Would I play this game for more than an hour? Yes.


Why? The football is close enough to old-school Blitz and the non-football is well-made enough to get me intrigued.

This column is based on a retail copy of the game provided by the publisher.

Want to know more about Games for Lunch? Check out the FAQ here.

For more Games for Lunch, visit the official GfL blog.